God ... I hate morning time...  

ink_slinger_4_u 48M
19 posts
5/26/2006 9:49 am

Last Read:
6/4/2006 7:59 am

God ... I hate morning time...

As night has fallen and i look outside, ive found myself hateing the time to come!
Im not exactly sure what it is, but i absolutely hate morning time. It's the worse part of the day for me. I use to be able to withstand the pain from my back hurting in the morning, but now i have another pain, & this pain is far worse then what 3 blown disks in my back hurts me. This pain seams to greaten each & everyday that arises.
The pain in which i feel, seams to drag the days by. Maken them seam longer then what they really are, I know.
To make matters worse, Ive yet to go visit corey since laying him to rest... and i know i have to go visit my son, But i couldnt bring myself to do it so far. I have mixed feelings inside my heart when it comes to that! and im not sure which gut feeling i should go with 1 side i feel as though im dissing my own son by not visiting him@ the grave/ and on the other i have this deep deep sorrowful feeling hurting, being scared, mad, And most importantly MISSING him.
With this in mind, im going to drag myself to the shower & force myself to his gravesite.
i hope it goes well..

post more later..

I love you son

AngelEyez4u2004 56F
1473 posts
5/26/2006 10:14 am

Ink I know what u are going through, all normal feelings, well least thats what everyone at the support (parents having lost a child group) kept saying. not so sure what is so normal for a parent having lost a child, but I do know that it happens way too often, its not how things are suppose to be, so its abnormal if u ask me.
Took me a while to be able to find enough courage to go visit my son's grave as well and yes the feeling of guilt was immense. We all do things at our own pace, I'm sure your son, Corey, would understand this. I hope your first visit to the grave goes as well as can be expected......and i so wish i could tell u that the pain u feel every morning when u awake will go away, but it never truly does, it does become a little lighter, but never goes away, I know cus june 15 will be 14 yrs I laid my son to rest, and there's not one day that goes by that he is not in my thoughts at some point or another.......hugs to u

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