*emptyness is a lonely feeling*  

ink_slinger_4_u 48M
19 posts
6/4/2006 7:47 am

Last Read:
6/12/2006 9:00 am

*emptyness is a lonely feeling*

As ive said in prior post's I hate nighttime's, and early morning. Them are the two hardest times of the day for me. It's the time of the day when i feel so empty now. And it's a lonely feeling.
I woke up this am to the sounds of sunday church being played on tv. And instantly i start crying.Bringing back memories of our local church attendings w/my family. Making me think of when my son and i were babtised together. And yet somehow my thoughts are always forced to bring me to thinking "why didnt i realize how precious this time (or others)was.
Im not sure if thats just the (feeling guilty) phase of having a child pass away. what ever it is.... its mighty powerful because every time my mind brings me there soon afterwords i have like millions of memories rush through mind of pastimes, events, gatherings that my family's shared together. And yet even with all the differnt events, or memories they all end up the same way... me setting whereever i may be at the time..and asking myself (or god) why MY SON?? I wait for an answer each and everytime, with none given.
So of course with me having woke up like that im driven to having to go visit my today@ the cemetary. Which is 1 of the harder tasks for me w/ this hole ordel.Ive only managed to bring myself to visit corey twice since his laying to rest.Probally because of the many thoughts that come along w/ having to do something like that for a parent.
They say time heals all wounds, well if thats the case... i sure wish i'd atleast get some kinda notion as to my emtional healing.Because im not sure im gaining ground in this fight. And im a fighter, let me tell u.(just like my son was)

I love you son

bluegirl39 49F

6/4/2006 8:37 am

Im not sure if the old saying is true "time heals all wounds" In the case of losing a child I just can't see it. However, thinking about all the times together does help some. At least your son had a father who loved him, so many children never know their father. Best wishes to you and your wife...

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