The Confession....The Belief  

impish_pixie 54F
2106 posts
4/25/2006 7:46 pm

Last Read:
10/20/2014 2:30 pm

The Confession....The Belief

This one's personal peeps...this one's for me as a cleansing of sorts. A "cleansing" tender f**k would have been my preferred method to go - but alas...it's not to be. Perhaps it's not meant to be easy or comfortable or even tender. Perhaps it's just meant to cleanse.

I have a confession to make. My heart is too big. My heart is too open. I do not know how to guard it, I never have. I love easily, completely, honestly and wide open. It is my nature. Even today, when it hurts so fully, I would not choose to change it.

"He" is gone. He, the only man I've ever written about here is gone. In truth, he was never mine. I was his...had he chosen that path...but he was never mine. I cannot say he ever lied me, he didn't. He was more than clear with the terms of our boundaries...only thing is my heart has never been good with boundaries. Damn Heart. Not his fault that I couldn't remain aloof and keep it insulated. My choices led me here.

For that matter, my choices led me onto this site. I know what this site is. I know it's purpose. Strangely enough, it's probably the most honest "site" I've ever been on, which is the biggest reason I will choose to stay here. Everyone has their reasons for being here, but I believe we all share one thing in common. We want to "matter" to someone. It's a basic human need. We all want someone to come home to after a hard day, someone to melt into, someone to hold on to, and someone who accepts us just as we are. There's nothing wrong with that you know. Can that be found here? On a site such as this? Yea...just ask Bulging Boy and LIBlonde - they'll tell you.

So tonight...though my heart is sore and hurting, though I have opened it up and exposed all it's feeble vulnerabilities, I know without a doubt that it won't change. It will remain big, open and unguarded. And someday, someone with an equal capacity will walk into my life and with tender hands guard it for me. This, I believe.


Original Artwork by: May Ann Licudine


I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


rm_TexNVa 49M/48F
376 posts
4/25/2006 7:58 pm


May you find everything you are looking for.
You deserved it.
Believe it.


impish_pixie replies on 4/26/2006 2:55 pm:
Thank you Tex...thank you for stopping by, and even more, thank you for the very kind words. We all deserve it...I believe that too.

_Safira 53F
11260 posts
4/25/2006 8:01 pm

IMP ~ I echo TEX's message ... and then some.

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F ... The Only Site For Me?


impish_pixie replies on 4/26/2006 2:57 pm:
And I thank you for your gentle heart which holds mine and shares the bruise. It's good to call you friend.

Jeepidiot 42M

4/25/2006 8:59 pm

Nothing wrong with being so open. It just shows that you are human. Unfortunately I'm probably the same way. I was once told I jump into relationships heart first and it's probably true. This of course opens one up for all types of pain. I hate it but nothing can be done about it.


impish_pixie replies on 4/26/2006 2:58 pm:
Thank you for visiting again Jeep. You're right when you say that it opens one up for all types of pain...but I can't help knowing that it also opens one up for all types of Joy. And those are the moments that in the long run will be remembered.

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
4/25/2006 9:30 pm

Imp...you can never have a heart that is too big. The hard part is that when you do.....the hurt is real big too! You DO deserve the best...and somewhere that man is out there. The one who will love and cherish you as you deserve to be loved and cherished! I know you "believe".....just keep on believing! ~hugs~


impish_pixie replies on 4/26/2006 2:59 pm:
Angel...Thank you. I do...and I will.

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
4/25/2006 9:47 pm

You know this place works in really strange ways sometimes. You've seen it. It just takes time woman, and while you are mending you have your friends.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


impish_pixie replies on 4/26/2006 3:00 pm:
And for this I am eternally grateful. Time does indeed heal all - and I do indeed have many treasured friends.

JudeL5 46M
1535 posts
4/25/2006 10:08 pm

keep on journeying. It's all up from here (in a good way)


impish_pixie replies on 4/26/2006 3:01 pm:
Jude...so nice to see you again. The journey just now takes a different direction. Yes?

kyplowboy22 61M

4/26/2006 5:02 am

If it wasn't what you needed or wanted, kid, you are better off without it than with it. Easier said than done. We're right here Pix. Later

Unc


impish_pixie replies on 4/26/2006 3:03 pm:
Unc Obi...you should hear the conversation going on between my head and my heart... Thank you for being "right here". It means much to me.

Cowboy_Deluxe 38M

4/26/2006 5:24 am

See here is the innocence...


impish_pixie replies on 4/26/2006 3:04 pm:
If believing is innocence...then you are more than right. I AM innocent and hope to always stay that way. Hmmm...I just told a man he was 'right'...and in my own blog. Damn...look what you've done to me!!

pet_humility 48F

4/26/2006 8:40 am

Having a open heart is better then
haveing bitter one, that doesn't let anyone in..


impish_pixie replies on 4/26/2006 3:08 pm:
Thank you Pet for stopping by...and you're so right...I have no time or room for bitterness. Sadness wil ease, bitterness leaves a scar to poison. I choose to remain open.

Scooterbabe4u 80F

4/26/2006 8:41 am

Take that big heart of yours and tenderly hold it with full knowage that nothing happens by chance, we have lessons to learn and must never forget the lessons are mixed, happy and sad. we grow stronger and wiser with each, we hope not to have to repeat the sad ones because we didn't remember it from the first time around. I keep forgetting to guard myself also so my lessons continue, I know your a quick study, so be gentle with you and this old crone will cradle you till the hurt subsides and your ready to take a go at it again.

Blessings and Green rays
Dee


impish_pixie replies on 4/26/2006 3:10 pm:
Scooter...no..nothing happens by chance. People come in and out of our lives, each one with a lesson. Your words are very gentle and very welcome. Thank you. Blessed Be.

aascrompn 42M
6444 posts
4/26/2006 11:06 am

I am very sorry that you are hurting! *runs into the room and steals a hug*

You hit on something pretty cool here... This is one of the most honest sites I've ever been on!


impish_pixie replies on 4/26/2006 3:14 pm:
Awww AAS...you don't have to steal a hug honey...I give & take those freely. Thank you for your words and your thoughts. I'll be ok...the sadness doesn't last forever. As for the honest? I promised myself when I first started doing this that if I couldn't be honest with myself here - then I didn't need to do it. I'm not very good at deception - another one of the "curses" of being open, you'd know in a minute if I was lying to you. (This has truly gotten me into trouble at times....)

VATraveler1948 68M

4/26/2006 4:24 pm

Big hearts can experience big pain but just think how sweet the reward will be when you find the one who is worthy of that big heart of yours. I'm sorry for your pain! Keep on looking, and don't ever lose that big heart, we need more compassion in this world!

{=}


impish_pixie replies on 4/26/2006 6:34 pm:
I'm looking forward to that reward. Thank you for such sweet words of encouragement. You know...we really need to do a va beach meet/greet...don't we?

GMURN 66F

4/26/2006 7:25 pm

My twin....you know that I am right there for you and with you. Big hugs.....wish I could make it better.


impish_pixie replies on 4/27/2006 9:15 pm:
You did. Thanks.

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
4/26/2006 11:54 pm

~pulling up a chair~
I haven't read anything like this for a while.
You have a wonderful heart.
And through the sadness of this piece, I can actually feel your warmth. My hugs, my kisses.


impish_pixie replies on 4/27/2006 9:18 pm:
Hugs & Kisses gladly accepted with warm gratitude. Thanks for stopping by. We'll have to do this again sometime.

rm_goddess1946 105F
13518 posts
4/27/2006 12:26 pm

sending you love...

Mother Earth will deliver your astro chart in person
when we make time for dinner...
{=}


Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...
{=}


impish_pixie replies on 4/27/2006 9:19 pm:
I am constantly aware of your gentle love, and ever thankful for it. I'm out of town (again) this weekend...but let's plan something for next week. Yes?

tillerbabe 55F

4/28/2006 12:20 am

But if course you will stay open and loving!!! I'm the same way dear! Blessed be! {=}


impish_pixie replies on 4/28/2006 2:51 pm:
And truly Tills...I wouldnt have it any other way.

digdug41 49M

4/28/2006 7:32 am

yeah pixie I know that it hurts when we feel for others and they dont feel the same but you hang in there and keep loving all the same

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


impish_pixie replies on 4/28/2006 2:52 pm:
Always Diggy...always. Now you see why your words were so perfect for me the other day? (((hugs & kisses)))

HBowt2 58F

5/5/2006 2:22 am

you got to stay open pixie....otherwise you stop feeling....but stay safe and mind you...


impish_pixie replies on 5/6/2006 5:11 am:
Thank you HBowt2....you leave the sweetest comments and I am grateful. Minding me is my hardest job. Isn't it evryones?

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