Daisy's In My Garden...  

impish_pixie 54F
2106 posts
6/2/2006 11:27 pm

Last Read:
6/15/2006 4:47 pm

Daisy's In My Garden...

So much has happened in a mere seven days that I am still reeling from the events. Going home is always a mixed bag of emotions. I love going home, I love being in the presence of my family for I have been blessed with a good one. And yet, each time I go home I see more and more the effects of the disease that ravages my Daddy's body. Each time he seems smaller to me and I can read the new lines of worry and sadness in my Moma's face. I never know before I get there if this will be a "good" weekend, or if it will be a weekend that brings us closer and closer to the end.

This was a fantastic weekend. I was a little worried going into it because this was to be the weekend where we all sat down as a family and made "plan's" for the future. Discuss the many "what ifs" and come up with solutions. I knew it would be hard for my daddy, and even harder for my Moma. No one wants to think about the fact that down the road we may not be able to care for my daddy in the way that we want to - decisions have to be made and it sucks that options are so few. The meeting was actually very cathartic, each of us expressing our fears, each of us presenting solutions, and finally, each of us giving a sort of absolution to my sister for any decisions she may have to make in a split moment. She is after all, the only one of us who lives right there. She is the one who gets the calls at 2am when my daddy has wandered out of bed and fallen to the floor. It's not easy to be that person, and though I've always given her my full support, it was rather nice to see my brothers acknowledge that fact and add their support. (They can be a bit on the pig headed side.)

Background info you should know is that it was also the weekend of my sister's two sons 10 year High School reunion and so my nephew who lives in California was home with his wife, and my nephew who lives here in Va Beach was home also. It was truly like a mini family reunion of sorts. Everybody knows how hard it is at times to get big families together at the same time. I had been fussing at my son all week, trying hard to get him to take off work and come with me, but he stubbornly resisted. I was even a bit upset with him because time grows short with my daddy and I think it's important that we spend as much time as possible with him.

My daughter called early, (and I do mean early), on Saturday morning to tell me she had arrived in Mexico with her friends. She'd been planning this trip for over 3 months. Just some R&R with her girlfriends in Cabo to take a break from the rigors of language school. She told me that their plane reservations had become all screwed up and they had missed a full night in the resort hotel they were supposed to be staying in. Being ever the Mom I suggested quite strongly that she write a letter to the airlines asking for recompense on their missed night. She assured me she would and quickly told me she had to run to catch up with her girlfriends. "Love you Mom...Love you too Babygirl." Click.

Later that evening, my nephews come over to show Grammy & Paw pa their evening wear for the formal dinner of their reunion. I was recruited to take pics and as we're standing in the living room, they're making all these odd requests for me take a picture from "that" angle. Ok..I thought, your pics...whatever. In walks my Mom to close the living room curtains because "the sun shining in is going to make a glare on the pics". Again...ok...whatever. In shuffles my dad with his walker, grinning like a possum, going faster than he should with the walker. (See guys...that "speed" thing...it comes to me quite naturally.) I am once again asked to "come over here to take the pic...better angle you know"...so off I go to the other corner of the room. Seconds later, Maggie's ears go up, her little bobbed tail starts wiggling furiously and she's damn near running me over to get to the other side of the room, I look up to scold her and there, to my utter shock, stands my daughter. For the first time ever in my entire life...I...am completely speechless. Can't even comprehend words, much less speak them. I would have hit the floor had she not come over to wrap her arms around me. In walks my son with the casual remark..."see Mom...I had my reasons."

Understand that I have not seen her since Christmas, and didn't expect to see her again until November when I attend her graduation from DLI in Monterey. When it finally sunk in that she was standing there in front of me, and NOT in Mexico, I finally realized with horror the extent of deceit in not only my beloved family, but in my best friends in VA Beach. Seems everyone had been in on this surprise for well over 3 months. If you knew my sister and nephew, you could truly comprehend the extent of the deceit and the effort involved. My sister...who has NEVER been able to keep a secret more than 3 hours, (and apparently gifted her firstborn with the same defect), had kept a HUGE secret for 3 months. I couldn't even comprehend it.

The rest of our weekend was beyond wonderful. Memorial day found us on the beach soaking up the warmth of the sun just like we've done for years. Quiet moments talking about our love life's, about life in general and everything else under the sun. I knew our time together was coming to a close, she had to leave on Wed, but I was determined to live fully every single second she was there.

This is where the story takes a twist. Wednesday afternoon I took off early from work so I could spend the last few hours with her, and so I could see her off at the airport. Just as I'm getting ready to get off the interstate a call from my son comes in. Only, it's not my son, it's his work partner screaming into my ear, "Come quick, N's had an accident". Words a mother never wants to hear. Words that strike fear such as no other into your heart. Sporadic details come through, "we're at Birdneck & VaBeach Blvd, HURRY". This is my exit and I look up the road I see the ambulances, the fire trucks, the police...adrenaline comes rushing through my body. I run the red light to get there, I don't even care. Slam my little car in between the police cars, throw it in park and RUN. As if the hounds of hell are after me...the police officer tries to stop me, but the words, "He's my son" make it out of my constricted throat and he moves aside. The first thing I see is the shattered windshield and my heart drops..."N" is not known for wearing his seat belt - but thank God - today, for some reason he's wearing it.

When I'm finally able to see, my mind comprehends the fact that there is no blood, and there's no body laid out on the road. He's still sitting behind the wheel, with an EMT holding his head and neck ramrod stiff, another one holding his legs straight. I don't know if that scared me more, or the look in his eyes when I could finally see them. I realize that he's in shock and begin to ask questions. And then he looks at me, and I see the fear and pain in his eyes and I stop asking questions and reach in to hold his hand. To touch him. To know that he is going to be ok. To let him know I'm there.

It is then that the police officer comes over to talk to me. To tell me that my son's friend saved his life, and the lives of others, because he didn't freak out, because he took immediate action when my son suddenly and with no warning went into a full blown seizure. Even though he didn't know what was happening, he threw my son's rigid body back into the seat, threw the van into neutral, and grabbed the steering wheel to guide the van up onto the sidewalk instead of into the middle of a very busy intersection. I am at once awed and completely grateful to this young man.

Needless to say we spent the next nine hours in the Hospital Emergency Room. My daughter did not make her flight, things had to be rearranged, non-refundable tickets had to be negotiated. Cat Scan, X-ray's, blood work all trying to figure out why this perfectly normal, healthy 22 yo had a seizure. We don't have the answers yet, that I suppose will come to us in a couple of weeks when we are able to see the neurologist. Am I still a little scared? Yes. As is he. But he's here, and he's alive and relatively unharmed considering what he went through. For this I am grateful. Whatever comes, we will handle. Together. When the bills come from the ER, we will handle them also. When the prescription must be filled, and the Neuro doc does not accept payments, we will be ok. We will handle it together. He is alive. Nothing else matters. We are a team, the three of us, and we have battled things much bigger than this. All will be well.

As a parent, you become comfortable with the fact that you have raised them and kept them safe until the moment they leave your care. You think you can finally breathe easier, you think you can lay aside your worries. You can't. I realized at that moment that becoming a parent means that forever your heart is branded with a speck of fear, a speck of helplessness. Thankfully the joys outweigh the fear and later, when you're alone, when you no longer have to be strong for someone else, the shaking starts and the tears flow, and you hit your knee's in thankfulness that a power higher than yourself has promised to hold them in his hands as well.

The "Daisy's" in my garden grow tall, wild and free, much like my kids. Strongly rooted in the ground of our love, always reaching higher, and yet forever entwined in a chain of fragility that I must always look to with care. I'd also like to take this moment to say THANK YOU to all who held us up with the bonds of friendship. For your thoughtful words, your worry, your warm embracing love. Blessed Be.

a small PS..if anyone knows of a good independent health insurance...we'd be awful grateful for the info....

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn

ThaRealLiv 43M

6/3/2006 12:33 am

Keep reachin for that sky!!

impish_pixie replies on 6/3/2006 4:07 pm:

HBowt2 58F

6/3/2006 2:21 am

you are amazing impish....truly amazing.....and Its so obvious that the your children feel and know how loved they are....Take care of you and them HB2xx

impish_pixie replies on 6/3/2006 4:08 pm:
High praise coming from someone so amazing herself. If I accomplish nothing else in this world...that my children know they were loved will be enough for me. I'm sure you'd say the same.

VATraveler1948 68M

6/3/2006 4:18 am

Pixie, I'm glad you did this blog post the way that you did. You loaded up the front end with all the good things. You came to the crescendo with the arrival of your son and daughter at the party and then eased into the sober stuff at the end. We have been so worried about you and your son. I am so grateful that your son's friend had the presence of mind to do what he did to prevent a huge catastrophe.

I do know an excellent neurologist but I don't have a clue about affordable health insurance. Maybe our local resident health care expert Angelofmercy will have some suggestions. Call her, I'm sure she would love to hear from you.

You are absolutely right when you said that a "power higher than yourself" had you son in his hands!

impish_pixie replies on 6/3/2006 4:11 pm:
VAT...I always love your visits to my "kitchen table"...you always make me feel good. Thank you for the compliment, and thank you so much for worrying about us - we are doing much better now, a bit sad perhaps, but completely grateful that because he held my son, I too can still hold my son. Life is good...yes?

_Safira 53F
11260 posts
6/3/2006 5:09 am

Have I told you what an inspiration you are to me? How much my life would not make sense without you in it? YOU are a phenomenal woman!I love you, N, E, Maggie, and Ava to the bottom of my heart (if there is such a beast)! I'll do some research on the health insurance organizations and get back with you.

Show the love!

Safira {=}

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F ... The Only Site For Me?

impish_pixie replies on 6/3/2006 4:13 pm:
Thank you my sister. It's equally the same with me. A "beast" of a heart? Oh yea...it's there...growling and clawing to come out even more. You have a beautiful heart. We, those of us blessed to call you friend, know that.

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
6/3/2006 9:21 pm

As a mom who has figured out that raising children doesn't end when they become adults....and wouldn't want it any other way..... you inspire and just plain make me feel good in your relationship with your "kids". I'm so glad he is ok....and will continue praying for the out come of the test results. How old is your son? That may give you some options on the insurance. Email me some of the details if you want.....and I'll help look into it with you.

impish_pixie replies on 6/5/2006 6:03 pm:
It's funny they don't tell you all THIS stuff in sex education, maybe if they did....teens wouldn't be getting preggers huh? He's 22 and I'm having no luck at all...got any suggestions?


6/4/2006 7:30 pm

Pixie....I am so glad all is well with all of you. You and your kids have been in my thoughts and prayers all week.

What a great memory of the weekend to help get you through the trials later in the week.

A higher power not only played a hand in keeping your son safe, but in also having your daughter at your side when it happened. I know that is right where she would have wanted to be in this crisis.

And I too feel the same way about my kids...they are grown and adults now, but I worry about them just the same, and want them to know they are loved and cared for just as much now as when they were in my charge

impish_pixie replies on 6/5/2006 6:07 pm:
Thank you G...we've felt it. And it really was amazing the way things happend...Angels are everywhere....

rm_TexNVa 49M/48F
376 posts
6/5/2006 3:59 pm

impish_pixie replies on 6/5/2006 6:08 pm:
Awww...how'd you know just what I needed? Thanks sweetie.

tillerbabe 55F

6/6/2006 12:40 pm

Yes...I apologize, this is a "copy and paste"..but I have so many people to thank. And, I'm so very tired.
...it is still very genuine nonetheless, I'm just sneaking through to say thank you, Thank You for your kind words in my blog and your well wishes for my Bri.

impish_pixie replies on 6/6/2006 4:09 pm:
thank you's are not necessary. this is what we do for those we care about.

rm_sexxielynn 52F
72 posts
6/6/2006 8:35 pm

My first visit to your blog. I laughed, I wept.

Holy Moly gal, you have strength, faith and a positive attitude we could all learn from.
I send as many positive thoughts your way as I can.
Strength to you and yours

impish_pixie replies on 6/7/2006 9:19 pm:
Thank you so much for stopping by. "Holy Moly"...can I take a guess where you're from? I haven't heard that expression in years...you just brought some very sweet memories for me.

Thank you for your sweet words...and your gift of strength. May I return the favor to you when you need it most. Blessed Be.

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