Lesbian relationships ending a marriage  

iawriter64 52M
137 posts
3/8/2006 9:22 am

Last Read:
5/12/2006 1:37 pm

Lesbian relationships ending a marriage

I've been talking with an old friend whose wife left him for her lesbian lover after nine years of marriage. He's doing fine and the split was amicable. They share custody of two kids, and he still works at the vet clinic they started together. I'm amazed at how friendly this separation is going (they are still married for financial reasons, for the time being).
She is not bi, as far as I can tell, and was seeing her lover for some time while married. In talking with my friend, the revelation that his wife was a lesbian came as a complete surprise, though she had been spending quite a bit of time with this woman.

My friend is not upset that his wife left him for a woman, any more than if she would have left him for another man. He's dealing with it quite well.
His wife left during a time of personal stress (father's death, new business startup, and a new child). I need to find out more, but I think the reason she left was emotional, not sexual. She just wasn't getting her emotional needs met, though my friend isn't reluctant to discuss this issue in depth.

I'm curious if there is anyone else out there who has been in a similar situation. I'd like to console my friend as much as possible and understand this situation of a separation caused by a same-sex lover.

As a side note, I did watch an episode of "The Secret Lives of Women" on the WE channel about women who discovered they were lesbians after years of marriage. This gave me some insight into the situation; the women profiled never felt quite right in relationships with men, for the most part, and had indications in early in their lives that they liked deep emotional attachments with women. I'm not sure that's true with all situations...what has been your experience?

sassybelle21 32F
13313 posts
3/8/2006 10:27 am

Never had that experience. Hope he feels much better having you as a confidant

rm_wellread38 56F

3/8/2006 3:12 pm

I've not personally experienced that, but have had that happen to a male friend as well. It's admirable to want to understand in order to help your friend, but the best thing is just to listen and be there for your friend.

I'm sure you know that the Iowa City community has many resources available. I think the WRAC might have a lending library and possibly support groups that might help.

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