whats its like to have a fuck buddy  

i_fuck_dirty 33F
137 posts
9/12/2005 11:55 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

whats its like to have a fuck buddy


all depression aside, several of you have asked what its like to have a fuck buddy, or more specifically a sexual relationship outside the conventional relationship (in english: cheating). instead of writing you all back individually, i figured this was as good a place as any to tell you how i feel about my fuck buddy. FAIR WARNING its a long and winded post. if you scroll strait to the bottom you can get to the point without all the history.

very plainly, ITS A CRAZY THING TO DO THAT REQUIRES A SPECIAL PERSON TO DO IT. now, before you all go ape shit on me let me explain! once you sleep with someone other than your significant other, you can never take it back. it is done forever, somone else has had you body, or worse, your heart. i would never fuck around on a good relationship. i would never sleep with someone i thought was in a good relationship; i am not one to fuck up a good thing. cheating is a desparate measure. that should not be taken lightly.

a (not so) brief history
first off, i had to be in a desparate place with my current situation. my BF was an absolute ass to me. not all the time. i mean he would do somethings that took my breath away, and the sex... fugitaboutit. BUT, on the whole, emotionally he was absent and i found myself low on his list of priorities. my FB, while i wont discuss his specifics, is not happy with his situation either.

next, was the fact that i had been with my boyfriend for so long (6 years). in that time i was conditioned into a certain roll in the relationship. i thought that it was normal and that this is what life was going to give me with any relationship that i had. i could not compare to previous relationships because they were either too shortlived or based solely on sex. my BF talked to me about marriage and kids and growing old together. i thought that the way he treated me was normal and it took me a long time to relaize that others would find it to be some form of emotional abuse. spare me the lecture of "you're so young, you have so much life to live... blah blah blah". i learned my lesson.

i decided to look for something outside of my relationship with him, again because i thought thats the way it was going to be with whoever i spent the rest of my life with, but found no fault in supplementing my relationship with some outside attention.

finally getting laid
the first time i had sex with someone was not as i_fick_dirty, but the old fashioned way. i was scared shitless. i kept telling myself that i needed to stop, turn around and walk away from the guy. but my body was not listening. "hey dont let him take off your clothes" and off they went. "hey dont let him touch you" and he touched me anyway. when it was over, i felt bad. not because i cheated on my boyfriend, but because i cheated on my BF for this. it was the most boring sex i had ever had in my life. i told myself i would not do it again unless my clothes could come off without me telling myself to keep them on. in other words, if i am going to cheat, it has to be with someone who's worth it.

as i_fuck_dirty, i found myself swimming among thousands of horny guys. many of them confused about the "fuck buddy" principle. i wanted someone i would fuck agian. the first guy i cheated with i never saw again, which added to why i felt bad about it. not agian. i was going to find somone who would fuck my brains out to please me, and fuck my brains out to screw my BF over.

what my fuck buddy does for me
i found him. i do not think twice taking my clothes off for him. i do not think twice and anything with him. the first time we had sex felt like we had been having sex all along. i kiss him and am not weird. he is so willing to please me and give me the attention i crave, sexual or otherwise, as i am willing to please him and give him all the attention he craves from me. it is about sex, but we talk about shit and act like fools. when i am with him all reality escapes me and all is right with the world. its like we are the only two people that matter. while i have little doubt that in some other life we would have dated for real, in this life, he showed me that things do not have to be the way they were with my BF. that there is a better relationship for me out there. that i am not crazy in wanting more from the person by my side. in the short time i have been with him he has given me more than i can express on a blog. i have had a better relationship with him than i have with my own BF (and he has admitted the same to me). but it all boils down to the fact that in some fucked up way he helped me find the strength to stand up against my BF. not because he would tell my what to do or say, but simply because he existed and was there for me. my BF now knows that i know that i dont have to take his shit anymore, and that i know that there are others out there that could make me happy. dont get me wrong, i am not totally ready to give up on my BF. this is his last chance. shape up or ship out. but, as my roommate so eloquently stated to me "i have hand" (referring to a seinfeld episode. i have the upper hand. my FB helped me get that upper hand. all of that is just candy. i was not expecting it when made the decision to be with him. shit, the only reason i ever started seeing my FB is that HE IS FUN AS HELL! i just find myself having a great time when i am with him. i feel good when i am with him. and thats all that matters to me. he is a worthy lover as he is a worthy friend, and i dont regret ever meeting him for a second.

justagrainofsand 45M

9/15/2005 11:50 am

Great blog! Now, the question is, what happens when you find that right person? Do you keep your FB as a FB or just a buddy? And will this be a mutual agreement? It is such a sticky situation, but a worthwhile situation I am sure... I look forward to your next posting!


i_fuck_dirty 33F

9/15/2005 3:58 pm

honestly, i didnt think it that far thru when i started my little venture. it helps that we talk about the "what if" senarios. all i can say is to be very clear about what your expectations and boundaries are. what are triggers for walking away and how are you supposed to do it. that way when the time comes, there is already an understanding and you dont get hurt.

however, i feel i met him for a reason and the way out will become clear when the time comes.


i_fuck_dirty 33F

9/15/2005 3:59 pm

honestly, i didnt think it that far thru when i started my little venture. it helps that we talk about the "what if" senarios. all i can say is to be very clear about what your expectations and boundaries are. what are triggers for walking away and how are you supposed to do it. that way when the time comes, there is already an understanding and you dont get hurt.

then again, i feel i met him for a reason and the way out will become clear when the time comes. HOWEVER i am not ready to give him up yet!


justagrainofsand 45M

9/17/2005 7:29 am

And then there is always the chance that a FB is the one meant to be. But what's not to say, if you fool around once you will do it again. I guess if honesty is built between the two, a relationship can hold it's own and put the past to rest. It's a ring of fire- dangerous but worth the effort if you don't get burned.

I have to ask, are you an english major? You're truly a talented writer.


i_fuck_dirty 33F

9/17/2005 12:55 pm

not an english major. in law school. but i appreciate the compliment. i only hope my prof's agree!


justagrainofsand 45M

9/17/2005 6:37 pm

Well, good luck! I am sure you will make a fine lawyer. You can take that compliment two ways Just don't come after me for sexual harassmet... lol


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