no clever title.. just read the damn blog  

i_fuck_dirty 33F
137 posts
12/3/2005 3:00 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

no clever title.. just read the damn blog

when i first started on this site i did not think i would be thinking about this 6 months later, but here i am. thinking...

i was talking to my best friend about the situation i am in... the "situation" where i love two men. one i dont want to leave and another i dont want to lose. one who would buy me the world. and another who makes me feel like the world. one who gets alot of me, but doesnt appreciate it all and another who have very limited amounts of me, but missed me when i am gone. one i wish would treat me the way i think i deserve and another i want to treat the way i think he deserves. to have separately not enough, but together a complete boyfriend. i love two men. one i have and another i wish i had. but again. i dont want to leave one and i dont want to lose the other.

they are like christmas gifts (work with me on this one). the first one is comparable to the gift you know you are going to get. every christmas i know i can count on my mom gifting me socks. there are no surprises with this guy. i know what i am getting into. it may not be the most fantastic thing.... but its a sure thing, like the socks. the other guy is that surprise gift. you may or may not be getting, and it may or may not be good. with him there is no certainty, so i cant rely on him like i can rely on the socks. no certainty but fun as hell. i wouldn't say dont surprise me, but do i bet on it? you know what i mean? like, i cant throw out my tv betting that i will be getting a surprise gift, and that it will be a tv. maybe my surprise gift is a spatula or something else, and i find myself with a spatula and no tv. i can do that with the socks. i can throw away all the old socks because i know i am getting more. its safe, no matter how un-fabulous it is.

i think my metaphor got away from me....

i love two men. one who has me and another i (think i) might want me instead. one i have and another i (think i) might want instead.

but in the end. it keeps coming back to the same thing. i am a coward. afraid. content and complaisant. settled. safe. riskless and unadventurous. i am not moving backwards, but not moving forward. the same place. no change. copacetic. i wish... i WISH either one could simply give me a notion. something to say this is it. this is what is going to happen. a sign. a clearcut manifestation of what they want from me or are willing to give me.

maybe these relationships are not like christmas presents. they are like getting old. inevitable and a pain in the ass.

jim5131 55M
1296 posts
12/3/2005 4:30 pm

Your metaphor was simple to follow, as was the rest of your dilemna, from those of us that have been in your sandals a time or two...

You've got a Guy1 that you love and he loves you, but he's not exciting you as much as the other. Guy2 is not yours, maybe interested in you, and would be a real catch if you knew you were getting him once you left Guy1.

Not to go on a tangent...I read an article about a study on a certain species of birds in New Zealand..birds that mated for life. The eggs were tested and were found to actually come from other male birds, despite the lifelong mating terms inherent of the birds. The conclusion was simple: the females always wanted a male that they can rely on to provide, to feather the nest, to gather the sticks and bring home the grubs. Their real excitement, however, was another male that was smarter, stronger, and more appealing for breeding purposes. The females ALWAYS mated with these males when the other male was gone.

Feel like a bird? The illustration is to show you that it is a natural impulse...

You need to talk to Guy2 and find out how he feels...and don't let him blow smoke. He might promise you the world to get you and have it last until he's finished...But... If he's serious about a stronger relationship with you, then go back to Guy1 and make him understand his shortcomings. Give him a clear signal of the changes you expect him to make in order to keep you happy. Start the conversation with a question to what you can do to make the relationship better....make him list the things he likes and things he doesn't like about your end of the relationship...then switch it to him (he will probably ask anyway..) If he's not willing to make the changes, your choice will become clearer.

...tough decision, huh? Good luck, sweetie...and let us know how things go...

mailmantrouser2 54M
534 posts
12/3/2005 5:02 pm

I think it's abundantly clear which one is the best for you, so quit dithering.

HedonisticGuy69 46M
90 posts
12/4/2005 11:14 pm

Sounds like Jim has already given you good advice.
All I can add is to freely and openly discuss this with the sure thing as well as with the unknown. Based on that make a choice and proceed from there. Who knows, they may be happy to be in a triangle
If not, I am an advocate for not settling for someone as I think that is not only unfair to you but them as well (less they're happy with that).
I think everyone should try to live to the fullest and that means taking chances so if you are already perceiving one guy as just a safe and steady thing while viewing the other as the unknown, exciting one, the only question you have to answer is who are you?
Are you the type to settle or the type to pursue regardless of the consequences? Just be true to yourself and honest with these individuals and everything will work out as it ought to.
It only becomes complex when you let your flaws/ shortcomings get in the way. LOL.

boomer9541 45M
2 posts
12/5/2005 7:24 pm

I'm sorry. This just pisses me off. Forgive me if I don't go along with this whole, "Do whatever makes you happy" crap.

Women say they want a guy thats caring, sensitive, funny, and honest. But when they find it, they still look to the asshole that could give a shit about how they feel, but oooohhh.. he's so exciting.

The question is: What do you want out of this? Are you looking for someone to spend your life with or are you looking for a quick (albeit exciting) fling?

Only you know the answer to that.

SirMounts 102M

1/13/2006 3:53 am

Yes, I'll bet. I know limiting Myself once to only two partners soon become quite a bore.

Become a member to create a blog