Monday March 27th  

hover45 101M
223 posts
3/27/2006 6:07 am

Last Read:
6/22/2006 7:05 am

Monday March 27th

Monday again, at least the weather is better, not so cold. Had a great weekend. Nothing special just resting, reading, watching t.v and getting my housework done. Have so much going on it's hard to keep it all straight. For one, my apartment has sold and I'm thinking about moving. The apartment I live in is actually a huge old house, built in 1900 in the historic part of Decatur. Really beautiful neighborhood though mostly professional types, but hell people like me even if I don't quite conform. However those that don't like me really hate me. So anyway I've lived there for about 5 years and in the neighborhood for 15. I'm thinking about moving to Woodstock Ga. I have a girl friend there, we were high school chums actually, and we got together through emails about a year ago and have been going back and forth twice a month since August. It's all good, but at my age and having never really settled down I don't know if I will be able to handle it. Oh Woe is me. Jubal


BaronessK 52F

4/20/2006 12:30 am

Robert Fulghum, author of All I Ever Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindegarten said that the way to resolve (at least for your sanity) issues like this is to think what and how you would feel if it was over (no way for the relationship to ever be again, to be more, whatever) because of something final like death. If you would be so saddened (or worse) over the fact of missing the 'what if', the dance (of life), or so forth with this person then you have to take the chance or realize that somewhere down the road you will have regrets. There are always hindsight regrets no matter what, of course. Most people regret only (or most) what they didn't do, not what they did, because they missed a chance, an opportunity, something that they will never have exactly like that again. Sometimes it's fear (of the unknown, different, whatever) or possibly dozens of other reasons (or excuses, depending). Every opportunity is a split road; you have to decide which path to travel (and realize that means you can't take the other road, so you're missing things there). Which road do you want, need, and desire to take? My second husband died while we were together; we were both in our mid to late 30's. We were only together less than 4 years, married for a little over 3 of those. Would I do the same things the same way if I knew then what I know now? Yes, I would...exactly. I have memories of him that will never die as long as I breathe. Like Garth says, I could have missed the pain but then I would have had to miss the dance. It was one hell of a breath-taking dance we had together. He is one of only 5 men that I have had a forever type love for (and of those 5, one is my father, 2 are my sons, and one is J who you know as HarleySpeed). It's a matter of choice, still -- I choose to accept (not like but accept and deal with if I have to) what comes from being in these relationships simply because I love them and being around them and part of their lives brings me immeasurable pleasure along with any pain that may happen. The pain usually happens because I love them; I feel bad because they feel bad, because I can't make the pain or whatever go away for them, because Life is never fair and I can't make it any more so for them. I love them because of and in spite of; they are human, and they are mine in a way that no one else is (just like I am theirs' in a way I am with no one else). With HarleySpeed, especially with what I have been through (death of a spouse) most females would be freaking out at the mere thought (much less the actual fact) that he needed room and distance from the relationship; I don't. Why? No, I'm not hot stuff on a stick (well, sometimes....), but we have been through so much together (together being the operative word). And, God help him, he understands my thought processes. He needs me, he wants me, he loves me, he understands me enough to want to actually put up with me.... If it were to end, would I regret ever having let myself fall for him? No. I would regret we didn't have more time together, but never the time I got to spend with him. He is a wonderful, humorous, intelligent, sexy, vibrant, talented male human being. How could I ever regret having invested time and energy into someone so...so wonderful that words fail me. Notice that wasn't phrased as a question; simple statement of fact. Well, enough of being serious; never take Life in general too serious...we never get out of it alive anyway.


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