hotnympho81 35F
156 posts
10/29/2005 7:58 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm


Every since I can remember I have had a fantasy that I cant get out of my head. I havent shared it with any of my lovers for many reasons. I would have to say it comes down to trust. At some basic level I trust everyone that I've been involved with. Its a deeper level that not even my soon-to-be-ex was able to crack. I've put so many walls up in order to protect myself that I am able to become what ever it is YOU need me to be. I'm a people pleaser, a yes person. I wont put up a fight or make a fuss over something even if inside I'm screaming mad. That does not mean I dont know how to stand up for myself cause I do.

I'm not totally clear as to why I have become this way. At a young age I was told "you are a cold heartless bitch that on one could ever love" it wouldnt have hurt so bad had it not come from my mother. From that day on the wall started. At first glance you wouldnt have noticed it, the walls not clearly visible and easy to peek my head out from. Now the walls are thick and tower above me. My own prison that I have hidden behind to close out the pain.

I will still laugh with you, I will still be fun to be around. You wont notice that while yes I enjoying myslef I am a bit disconnected. My life has been full of betrayals and disappointment that have made me wise beyond my 24 years.

So what does this have to do with my fantasy you ask? Everything without trust you have nothing. I need to know that thru thick and thin come hell or high water you will be there. Holding out your hand for me to take hold of.

This fantasy isnt just for me to share at random. I have written story after story about how it would happen. I came across one a few days ago and I guess that is what prompted this post.

rm_acc56 60M

10/29/2005 8:46 pm

If you don't have trust, you don't have anything...

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
10/29/2005 9:10 pm

I am sorry your mother said that to you, but that fantasy is a common one. I hope for that myself. Believe me, you are not the only one trapped in your own tower.

hotnympho81 35F

10/30/2005 6:47 am

I know we are all trapped inside of our towers I dont for one second believe I'm alone on that. I have found that putting it down on paper or here helps a great deal. The things that have gone on in my past has given me the outlook that I have I dont want to be held down my that any longer. I know that the people that I have met thru this site are just the ones to help me with this.

MillsShipsGayly 51M

11/1/2005 4:41 am

My mom had many unkind things to say to me also ... and I still remember them and hold them against her.

She lives in Naples Florida so was hit by Katrina. I did feel it was time to reconnect, recognizing that I could forgive the mean things before anything bad ever happened to her.

rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
11/2/2005 1:51 am

Trust is hard ... I started learning not to trust at five ... I make people earn my trust and I am quick to write off those that don't ... just make sure you reach out and always have a few people you can open up to or your soul will slowly die behind those walls you built to protect you

you can meet some great people through blogging but still be careful ... this is still a sex site ... make people earn your trust ... sorry to be indiscreet but many of us guys will tell you whatever you want to hear as long as we are getting or hope to be getting sex from you

I can say Michael appears to be a great sincere guy and their are probably many more around ... many if not most of the women here are exceptional caring people too ... Saintli definitely being one of them ... don't let her posts fool you

Don't disconnect yourself completely from the world behind your walls ... it doesn't work (that you can "trust" me on)

Best wishes for you


S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo

hotnympho81 35F

11/2/2005 6:16 pm

Luke you are a sweet heart. Your words touched the soft side of me and for the first time in a long time I had happy tears. I dont think I can explain it all here so I'll just say thank you.

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