How long???  

hotandhorny107 58F
339 posts
8/26/2006 1:16 am

Last Read:
9/15/2006 10:27 pm

How long???

As I sit here tonight, I wonder if one truly gets over or past the feelings one had for someone. I have been separated for years now, and found out tonight that my ex has left the state, and is living in MD. Not that this is a bad thing, since I know he has a roof over his head, and food to eat, But honestly ,more than once I have hoped that I would one day run into him somewhere and wondered how I would react. I know that despite the hurt and pain he caused me I do not hate him. I can't hate someone that I loved so deeply, I can hate what he did to me. For almost two years I waited for him to call or contact me but there was never anything heard. I finally accepted things as they were and began to heal. Choosing to wait no longer, I moved on and began to live again and although I have not "found love" again, I am comfortable with where I am in life, having some very good friends and having a good time.

So why am I missing him so much? Why do I wish he were here to hold me in his arms and tell me he loves me? I thought I was past those feelings, yet here I sit, knowing that if these things were to occur again, I don't think I would be strong enough to turn my back on him.

Is this just a moment of weakness, or have I not yet gotten over him? I know where he will be next week, (his mom let that cat out of the bag) and it will take all by strength not to call and see if he picks up the phone. Will I be able to get through the coming week, knowing where he will be? I profess that I am no longer waiting for him to reach out to find me, that I have moved on, but am I really there yet? I am so afraid that I am not. That if he should call, will it take me back to where I was before.I can screen my calls of course, but what if I am here and I hear his voice. Will I be able resist the impulse to pick up the phone?

Maybe the answers lay in the way he left me. No reasonable explanation. No bitter end. No fights.
He just walked out the door, leaving me where I stood, never looking back....


rm_Jezdatip 64F
1335 posts
8/26/2006 1:53 am

Maybe you can ask for an explanation of why he left. The reason he left may help you find closure. If life with him was miserable and much less than you desired , then you are better off cherishing the good times you had with him. Maybe you should let well enough alone. Its been said that time heals all wounds.


Supervy_Sage 50M

8/26/2006 2:14 am

Ask yourself this one question. Are you better that he walked out? Honestly? If he was able to do that, then there was obviously not really feeling for you in his heart. And with that knowledge, would you spending time with him have truly allowed you to be happy in the long run?

I am sure if you look in your past, you will see that once in your life you had a very happy successful family life, or been successful at love and harmony. You probably reveled in your love silently, in your own way, modestly. He was a younger man and would slowly take on any task put before him, and come out on top of most money matters.

But now you have found security. Your man will not offer you assistance, nor will he stand in your way. You have setup a structure of beliefs that are limiting your ability to heal. You said that you loved him greatly, but you now search for men to fit the mold of your old lover.

Don’t hold on to those old memories too tightly, and give other men a fair chance at your affections. Take your endeavor of recreating yourself out of the merely contemplative stage, and put it into effect. This is the way to happiness and contentment.

The Super Pervy Sage


elysianpleasure 47M

8/26/2006 3:57 pm

It is an amazing thing... I think we all need closure. There is a women I knew almost 20 years ago... who I loved like no other. It has been 20 years since we last talked... with no real closure... just her needing to go. And 20 years gone... there are still times I think of her. I am long past it... it isn't obsession... but it is still there inside me.


SpaceRangerNJ 55M
4687 posts
8/26/2006 10:57 pm

As others have said it would be nice to have closure. Hopefully you don't blame yourself for him leaving.
You could be just hungering for love and affection and he was the last you had so naturally your thoughts turn to him.
Hugz,
SR


hotandhorny107 58F

8/26/2006 11:12 pm

    Quoting elysianpleasure:
    It is an amazing thing... I think we all need closure. There is a women I knew almost 20 years ago... who I loved like no other. It has been 20 years since we last talked... with no real closure... just her needing to go. And 20 years gone... there are still times I think of her. I am long past it... it isn't obsession... but it is still there inside me.
Perhaps it is closure that I need. His explanation of why he chose to leave made no sense, even after all this time. I have had more than one "sign" that moving on was the right thing to do, but I do believe that needing to know why he did it will help me grow as a person, and not repeat the same mistakes.


elysianpleasure 47M

8/27/2006 5:17 am

    Quoting hotandhorny107:
    Perhaps it is closure that I need. His explanation of why he chose to leave made no sense, even after all this time. I have had more than one "sign" that moving on was the right thing to do, but I do believe that needing to know why he did it will help me grow as a person, and not repeat the same mistakes.
Then I would just ask, again. The trick is to do it in a way that is not emotional... but searching and understand it may never make sense to you. As much as I understand the words of what happened with my friends... it really never made sense. Good luck.


tadpudgy 56M

8/27/2006 6:44 pm

Sweetie, in my posts from the start, i have told every one about Wanda. I am 45 and never married, no kids. I met her ballroom dancing at Arthur Murray. She is 4 years older and been through two divorces. I never would have believed she would have noticed me. I fell hard. Her kids and grand-kids loved me from day one and i them. I thought my dreams had come true, but her daughters told me she was spending odd weekends with an old lover (who is still married) instead of visiting her mom. I almost begged her to keep me, i didn't care. Yet i chose to leave. I have hid for 4+ years since. I heard she bagged a traveling Ballroom instructor who taught Master Classes. He got fired. She quit dancing last year. It was what i needed to finally close the book and move on. That is why i am here...to move on. And now, i am free not to compare other women with her....because that held me back! Thanks for allowing me to rant and for the post! HUG=GASMS!!!!


ironman2769 55M  
12661 posts
9/1/2006 6:42 am

They say the cruelest thing to do to someone is exactly what transpired between you two. Silence is terrible end to realtionship.

People do the strangest things and we never get to understand why. It could be for a selfish reason....or the exact opposite.

I can understand your feelings as its been stated already there was no closure. The only way will bne to creat your own closure. Fpr whatever the reason was doesn't matter....to abandon a family says there's a character flaw.

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