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I am just so tired… physically tired… mentally tired… emotionally tired… but the good thing is spiritually I am still okay… I think… I hope… LOL
Just the different roles that a woman has to undertake are just such a mammoth task… it’s like trying to sprint up Mt. Everest … It really doesn’t matter if you are married or single, if you are a mother or not… it’s the being a woman or lady bit... Again I speak from my little pin hole view of the big big universe…
The female gender takes on the roles of being a (grand) daughter, a sister, a friend, a fiancée, a wife, a lover, a (grand) mother, a giver, a nurturer … and I could go on forever…
A daughter will always love her parents no matter what. She may not have been the favourite of the lot, but she will always be there when the call for help comes her way. She will be there when her siblings require a shoulder to cry on, someone to wipe that tear away, to empathize, to understand what you have just gone through… She will be the one who will accompany the grandparent, be it to the park for a walk, to the mall to shop, to the doctor when they are ill, be there to hold there hand, to be their friend when age has caught up with them until their very last breathe… Yet she feels that she is not good enough a daughter and a sister…
A friend will always be there to lend a listening ear when you had a bad day… to give you a hug when you need one… to be there to guide you along when life’s path seem uncertain… to offer you an advice or two when you need it… to offer you a different perspective of life… to get you back on your feet when you have fallen… to walk by your side along the way… the one who will congratulate you for a job well done… to be the pillar of strength when you are weak… to be supportive of your plans… most importantly, to accept you for who you really are…. Yet she feels that she is not good enough a friend…
A wife, even if she is a career woman, she will attend to her husband’s needs before her own… she wants him to be happy… she would doll herself up, be his trophy prize…. She would play the gracious host and be pleasant to his friends, colleagues, even though she may not like them too much…. she puts up with his nonsense to a certain degree….maybe more… maybe too much… the question of trust will always be the prime focus… she plays the temptress who teases, a giggly schoolgirl who’s innocent, a gentle sensual being in bed… She is his confidante, his soul mate… Yet she feels that she is not good enough a wife…
A mother who loves her children endlessly and would do just about anything to make sure that they have a happy childhood filled with beautiful memories…. She would drop work like a hot potato if something were to happen to her precious ones… she befriends them and allows them to realise that mum’s their friend too… and they have always been the apples of her eye… She loves them beyond measures… beyond words… beyond time… Yet she feels that she is not good enough a mother…
On top of it all, she is also a colleague, a subordinate, a superior… a student as well as a teacher… Yet she feels that she is not good enough …The amount of pressure and stress faced by a modern woman is tremendous. We place before us a façade which many people see and think they comprehend, however, many see what we want them to see… many do not realise that sometimes we do get tired… just so tired…
1/25/2006 3:55 pm
U take care .
Somewhat agree that women has a bit more pressure... But not aways the case.....
No matter what... the truth is that you can share such pressure with others....
Life is not that bad.... take it easy
1/26/2006 6:42 am
Hey Sandy, |
I hope you'll feel better soon.
I know the juxtaposition of traditional social values and modernity creates stresses on individuals as we find out way around the changes. I, for example, after spending so many years abroad, sometimes have trouble finding my place in Singapore society. That's one reason why many men like myself sink ourselves into work.
The tasks and stresses that we face can appear daunting and overwhelming. All that you are trying to acheive is noble. It appears right. But its clear that you are unhappy.
Let me suggest something... start living for yourself. Do what you feel like doing rather than what you think you should do. If your husband has friends and you don't feel like playing host, just excuse yourself. Go out. Spend some time with your friends. Indulge. It may sound selfish, but you will find that after a while, you will still do most of the things that would have done before... but with a different motivation. Sometimes, we need to let go, go with flow and come back before we can see ourselves clearly. Sure, there will have to be changes... but you need this "time out".
I don't know you at all, but my impression is that you have not lived life for yourself for a while. Know yourself first before you seek to please others. You owe this to yourself and to the ones you love. Sure, changes may have to be made after (eg. days off from parenting, more time for your career etc), but you have to love yourself before you can love others (confucian concept of zi ai).