All the things that can go wrong  

honey_n_blood 31F
47 posts
6/28/2005 10:52 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

All the things that can go wrong


At times does it seem like nothing is going right? That you keep going down and down? Fading into the blackend night never to see the sun again?
Soon I know it will be over, and my problems solved, but at the time of the moment. I see myself not being able to go to college for the lack of money, staying and bumming off of a friend for the lack of money. I don't have family to take care of me and help me out in my time of need. The only thing I have to count on is the state of Oregon, and they're not doing a well enough job as it is. So what do I do when I am work Monday through Friday 7-1 and then have class Monday through Thursday 2-6...get another job on top of my homework? I might have to do that. And the only way the state will help me is if I am taking 12+ credits.
It is too much for me...I know other people have it worse than I do, and I am sorry that they have to deal with it all.
On top of everything I have to find a place to live by July 13th which is coming up soon. I have to pay car insurance, my phone bill, rent.
Ha at this time I am refering back to the Toys-R-Us commercial. "I don't want to grow up". I know what I'm doing overall is a great thing because I am a first generation high school graduate and first generation to go to college. And that is a big thing for me...at least I'm trying.
Ten minutes to eleven I look around at my job and the students at pass me by at the desk and I look at them thinking, "not a worried look on their faces, I wish my face at the time portrayed that. I wish I was never put into a situation where I had to stuggle with money all of my life. I want to be happy like they are." Look I am ranting again. I try to aim myself not looking at all of the negitive things in life but the opposite, but it seems where I have come to the point where not even that is possible.
So on happier notes I figure by mid July most of my problems will be solved...I hope. And this Monday is the 4th of July...duh...and my friends and I are going to the old cementary that over looks all of Ashland and set off fireworks...It should be fun.

rm_Dammish6 30M
3 posts
6/29/2005 7:27 pm

Speaking as someone entering his first semester of college, I think I have a fairly decent idea of how you feel. But for the most part, I'm just a coward. I'm afraid of growing up, of having responsibilties and especially afraid of having my job or jobs suck the vitality out of me like some ethereal lampray. It's happened with everyone else in my family. They grow up, they get the 9-5 shift and by twenty, everything they used to be is gone, replaced by this inanimate husk without the common sense to pull up stakes and find a method out of the rat-race. The reason I'm saying all this is to illustrate that you are HARDLY the only person with these problems. Everyone is afraid of stagnation. Ask around campus, you'll discover that every other person there hasn't even settled on a major yet. We all stumble when we first enter the darkness, the uncertainty of futures to come, but we get through it because that's what we do. Have a little faith in yourself beautiful, that's all I'm sayin'.


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