Leave a private message here...
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Nov 10, 2007 4:36 am
4353 Views
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Leave all private messages and questions here.
All responses/questions will remain confidential.
Be respectful.. otherwise you will be blocked.
Before you ask... I have relocated to New Mexico. I have been exiled into oblivion for a short time. Meaning... no time to play for a while.
No exceptions... unless I already like you ( you few know who you are). 
What can I say, I am demanding. Did you honestly expect less?
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Do you ever get tired of yourself?
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Nov 11, 2009 12:11 pm
1022 Views
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Never win first place, I don't support the team
I can't take direction, and my socks
are never clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight cuz I can't do nothin' right
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person starin' back at me
I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
Pink “Don't let me get me”
Ok, Ok… I think I have has just about enough of myself. I have seemed to be in quite a funk lately. You know the kind of mood where you don’t feel very productive, attractive, useful or worthwhile???
It happens. I can usually talk myself out of it in short order.. but this time the mood seemed to linger.
I hate it when that happens.
I woke up today and decided…. NO MORE. I am in control! Yeah right… I have two girls, two cats, two horses, four dogs and fish.
Everyone knows you can’t control a cat right!!!
So in control I am not…. But at least I feel better about myself.
Even if I happen to be sexually frustrated at the moment.
Even if I have way too much to do and not enough time to do it.
Even if I can’t seem to fight this bout of adult acne my poor mood and bad eating habits seemed to have created.
On the bright side… my ASS did not grow! 
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Saying I love you
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Nov 10, 2009 7:26 am
882 Views
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1,2 - 1 2 3 4
give me more lovin then i've ever had.
make it all better when i'm feelin sad.
tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
barely gettin mad,
im so glad i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy,
as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.
(i love you)
Plain White T’s ( I Love you)
Saying I love you…
I am of the mind that you should always tell the people you love exactly what they mean to you.
In this fact, I am a contradiction. I find it hard to tell just anyone how I feel. That person has to be in my “inner circle” so to speak. Someone I am comfortable with. Someone I feel very, very strongly for.
For the most part, I do not form relationships very easily. I am always looking for the ulterior motive. I have a hard time trusting just anyone. I am always friendly and fake a lot of interest in people. But for the most part I can take them or leave them. It is easy for me to cut someone off if I never had any true feelings in the first place right….?
Yeah… I know how fucked up that sounds.
I just do not see it changing anytime soon.
However, I have no problem expressing myself with close friends and family. Then the words come easy.
I find it easy to tell close friends and family that I love them. In fact every conversation that I have with my sister, my best friend, my children… that conversation always ends with I love you.
Someone I know once said that “I love you” was assumed. He was speaking with his sister and ended the conversation with “Bye”!..
Are you kidding me?
I asked him why he did not say I love you and he said because…. “It was assumed”…. NEVER!
Thing should never be assumed. For instance, when someone is a DICK you can assume he is an Asshole too… but you would not say it. OK… maybe I would under correct circumstances. But hey… I know I am a BITCH. Bite me.
But saying I love you….
Love should never have to be assumed.
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It's too late to apologize...
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Nov 4, 2009 12:54 pm
977 Views
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I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say that...
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
“Too late to apologize”- One Republic
Ever feel like you are being used but can not figure out why?
Or how you let yourself get in that situation.
I know it is not on purpose- but that does not make it any better it just makes it worse.
I keep telling myself that things will get better… yeah right. It has been years since things were better. That is not an exaggeration. It has literally been almost four years. I find myself living in this stagnant… hopeless situation that I can not seem to change.
I do alright.. we look pretty in pictures and I keep my girls out of it for the most part. But it is hard living with someone that seems to hate everything about their person. And I mean everything.. it is not long until that attitude starts to rub off on anything that touches it.
I know I could leave… leaving would be very easy. It is the hurting that is a bitch.
The problem is I have others to think about. So I smile and just pretend… that seems to help a bit…
if only for a short period of time.
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Complicated relationships....
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Oct 12, 2009 12:41 am
954 Views
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Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair
John Mayer ( In Repair)
Complicated relationships....
Somehow I always seem to find myself in very complicated relationships. I know what I want. It is getting it that is the problem in complicated relationships.
Ever want something or someone really badly?
Well what happens when you have other obligations? What and where do you compromise? I am having trouble with this very situation. It does not help when you’ve been hurt. Once someone hurts you it is very hard to trust anyone else much less your own judgment.
I have always had trouble trusting. Mostly because I hate to get hurt. I am not one of those philosophical people... better to have loved and lost...
No not me... I know I keep most people at a distance. Only a few have ever been able to break through. It gets complicated when you love someone who is incapable of of the same.
It gets even more complicated when you start to love someone else. Something you never intended to do in the first place.
Where do you draw the line between want and need?
Sometimes I think too much. No matter how hard I try not to second guess myself, until I am whole again it will be impossible not to have second thoughts.
I try to do what is best for everyone but sometime that is just not possible.
Questions, questions, questions.
I know exactly what I want... but what I am willing to do to get it? That is the main question.
Will I be willing to give up all I know?
Will I be willing to reorganize my priorities?
Will I be willing to change my entire life?
Yeah... Talk about life altering questions. Still.. I would not change a thing. I am in love with my complicated relationships.
I know eventually I will be whole again. Currently, I am in repair.
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Dealing with negative people
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May 12, 2009 3:31 pm
966 Views
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I must have dreamed a thousand dreams
Been haunted by a million screams
But I can hear the marching feet
They're moving into the street
Now, did you read the news today?
They say the danger has gone away
But I can see the fire's still alight
They're burning into the night
There's too many men, too many people
Making too many problems
And there's not much love to go around
Can't you see this is a land of confusion?
Genesis ( Land of Confusion)
Dealing with negative people…
Dam, this should be easy. After all, it only matters if you care and it is so easy not to care. Or it should be…. It rarely is.
Especially when you are trying to offend someone politely and they just don’t get it. Nothing pisses me off more that speaking to a really daft person. You know the type… full of piss and vinegar themselves so you try to take the high road and say FUCK YOU without actually saying the words.
I happen to be really good at this.
Don’t get me wrong… I can say FUCK YOU with no regrets if II happen to really mean it. And if I said it…. I meant it.
But what I like to do is say it in a different, more polite way. If you grew up the way I did… you would understand.
Children should be seen and not heard.
Because of this, we learned to speak in with a different cadence or pattern. Especially when it came to insults. It was a vital life lesson. Trust me… it is easy to keep sane amidst chaos when you can be defiant (even if it is only in your head).
So we learned several lessons for dealing with negativity:
Never take people too seriously.
Never take negativity to heart.
Never listen to an asshole.
And Finally…
You always feel better AFTER you kick a little ass!
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Happy Birthday to ME!!!
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May 6, 2009 2:18 pm
1100 Views
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It's my birthday and I'll do what I want to…
Fuck you it's my birthday.
A special holiday only for me, so do what I say,
It's my party, I'll make you cry if I want to...or leave.
Fuck you, it's not your birthday, so do what I say.
For 24 hours your wishing me well…
364 days I'm in hell, Oh well.
Happy Birthday to me.
Alone on my Birthday,
I'm going to Denny's 10 times today
No Tip! it's my birthday, so do what I say
Thanks mom didn't have an abortion,
Or my birthday wouldn't be today.
But I guess it's my good fortune, my birthday's today. Okay.
For 24 hours your wishing me well 364 days I'm in hell, Oh well.
Happy Birthday to me.
The Vandals (Happy Birthday To Me)
So… tomorrow will be my Birthday.
I am not to sure how I feel about that… other than old!
The fact of the matter is… I am not that old… I just feel it.
This is good in a way because, it means I have had an interesting life I suppose.
There are several things that make me feel old… they are:
My eight-year old saying I am “too embarrassing” to walk her into school.
My four-year old being better at every Wii game we play.
My Grandmother saying I need to dye my 5 grey hairs!
Just about everybody FORGETTING my birthday last year
I guarantee that everyone will forget again this year.. this is all right since I have already received a few good gifts!
On the other hand, several things make me feel young:
My eight-year old letting me comb her hair when she feels sick.
My four-year old squealing as we hit 50 down the dirt road saying “We’re at dirt speed..”!
My younger sister crying because her hair is turning gray faster than mine (yes I know… I am cruel)
Just about everybody FORGETTING my birthday last year (yes, I know I am twisted)
Driving fast, ridding fast, running… just about anything fast ( earthbound that is.. I am afraid of heights)
Strawberry milkshakes
Summer dresses and running bare-foot
Getting a manicure/pedicure (I am a true girl in this sense)
Watching scary movies and making myself scream
So I guess, looking at my lists, there is more young in me than old…
There are a few things that I plan to do this year that I am not looking forward to.
Sometime this year, I have to visit my mother.. another yuck. The longer between visits the better if you ask me.. but it has been too long now. My Grandmother is requiring an all-family get-together since she is convinced she will die this year.
Then I, I suppose I have to sit through my Grandmother’s funeral since she is convinced she will die this year.
At the end of the month I have to fly… yuck. It is a work trip that I cannot get out of. I have a round trip flight… since it is work-related I cannot get drunk before hand. Now that just sucks!
Now on a pimp note--- everyone check out this new blog hummingbird1212
I know it is not much now…. But he has promised to write A LOT more (You better, you dork).
If he does not, I will take great pleasure in a personal beating from me to him! With witnesses (if anybody cares to watch)
And not of the good sort.
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BDSM.... a form of therapy? (Part Two)
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May 6, 2009 12:30 pm
1153 Views
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One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place.
~Emily Dickinson, "Time and Eternity"
I thought I would start a little different today. I know I always start with a song.. but this feels right too. After all there was poetry before rock lyrics.
This poem has always haunted me. The meaning of it captured my imagination and never let go….
Just like a ghost the meaning is never far away.
It is said that we are what we have been made into. Every experience, good or bad, forms our psyche. Wants, desires, feelings, responses, even our thoughts themselves are ghosts of something, or someone….
In a way, we are all conditioned to respond or desire certain things based on experience. No matter how educated you can be in the “why or what-for” department… what will always haunt you is the memory and the associated need that memory draws forth.
The good experiences are always easy to remember. The bad ones… not so much.
Hopefully we learn form our mistakes and never repeat them… sometimes we just cannot help ourselves. Sometimes we are fashioned and formed because of another person’s mistake.
Yeah… that one is a BITCH!
But how do you overcome someone else’s mistake…. Especially when they are too proud, ignorant, or just plain cruel to admit fully to the circumstances and the consequences to you?
After all… THEY are just peachy!
I think I have been fighting this issue all of my life. I know I rarely use this forum to discuss anything majorly dark or deep…. I am just not that way.
Distract and deflect (yeah that’s me)….
But sometimes you just have to let it out. Be a little vulnerable…
This is very, very, very hard for me to do. In fact I can practically count on one hand every time I have been able to bite the bullet and SPEAK.
I know my friends… communication is a strong suite of mine… but you only hear what I want to say. Which usually involves sex.
That is why I find sex therapeutic in its own way. The kinkier the better in my book.
BDSM is always good, and very therapeutic.
Trust me, there is a certain level of pavlovian conditioning that goes into any type of play. Basically take one negative memory and its associated response and form a new memory… even if you have or desire the same response, you change the negative feeling or memory into something positive.
I have seen it happen on more that one occasion to more than one person… all in the same way. Need a real world example.. check out Part One BDSM.... a form of therapy?.
You just have to find someone you trust to hold the whip! If that is not possible… then there is only one thing left to do….
Find someone you trust completely, have a few shots of tequila (or anything else you should drink without tasting) and just turn into a slobbering, snotty, crying, aching bundle of tears for awhile… once you dry out… the wrinkles fall right out.
So which do I prefer… do you have to ask? 
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I heard you begging...
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May 4, 2009 11:48 pm
1151 Views
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Another hungry look, In her eyes again. Pacing the floor, The hunt begins.
Skin-tight leather provides my pleasure. Wake my fear, surge with the pressure.
Walk away and leave forever, do I dare?
Raise my eyes, she stands. Holding out healing hands...are you happy now?
I walk the Thin Line for you. Do just what you say to,
With fear as my friend, I walk the Thin Line one more time for you.
Addictive face pretending, don't speak the Word. Forbidden sin relenting,
I barely heard...screams of entry blur my vision.
Wake my fear of Divine Intervention. Crawl away and bleed forever, if you dare.
Hand on mouth the game goes on. Love, our stage to play upon.
Are you happy now?
I walk the Thin Line for you. Do just what you say to,
With fear as my friend, I walk the Thin Line one more time for you.
QUEENSRŸCHE (The Thin Line)
I love this song... it always makes me feel... hungry for something. It reminds me of certain desires, wants.
The lyrics are so fitting. "Raise my eyes, she stands. Holding out healing hands..." This makes me think of only one thing... a gift I had made...
So here we are again. I have to say, I found this post very difficult to write.
Why you might ask?
Because of the conflicting emotions I have experienced while writing it.
Perhaps, conflicting is the wrong word…. More like overwhelming… almost paralyzing. If I stop to think about it too much …. Well let’s just say… I try not to. Too much self-examination and my head hurts.
All I know is when I wrote my profile… I was defiantly only out for one thing…
And now…. I defiantly have more than that… much, much more.
A gift freely given… it makes my head spin.
Anyway… enough of that… back to the good parts.
I just returned from a very sexy visit with my favorite little pet. This was.. by far, the best time we had yet. There were several days involved… it is hard to describe everything that happened in general terms. So much went on, I am giddy with recollection.
It started out very slow and methodical.
Nice and relaxing… a nice warm bath, a nice massage, soft touches, long kisses… Then for the sexy part… when I slip on a special gift I had made… just for him. The look he gives me… that alone makes him worth the wait. (There is always a wait between visits.)
Then down to the really, good part… you know what I mean. This is when I pull out my bag of tricks and get serious. A date is not a date in my book unless someone is tied. Don’t worry friend’s….He likes it ! And it is not as if I kept him tied up all day…
You see…. I am more than a little twisted. I love the sound of begging. I made him beg me to stop. I made him beg me to not stop… I made him beg for release… only to deny it. Trust me… that can be sexy too.
The only mistake on my part… as always, I get too carried away. I need to exercise more self-control.
I hate, hate, hate…having to wait for him to recover. I think I can be a bit too much at times. My enthusiasm gets the better of me.
The second day was just as nice. So was the third… and the forth. We even left the room for a bite to eat… he had to walk behind me of course. Not to sure what the waitress thought… well actually I can guess what she thought since she stared at his ID for an unusual amount of time when I ordered him a drink.
I am such a perv… corrupting the young.
My favorite, favorite part?
He bought me a very special birthday gift. Now, I am not too big on accepting gifts of any nature. I only accept gifts from very close friends and family. Only if I really like you…. will I ask you for one. I asked, he choose… it was perfect!
I used it several times… in every way imaginable.
And trust me when I say… I have an unusual imagination!
I know, I know… I never give specific details… If you ever agree to my terms, get over your fear, and meet me somewhere...
You will know exactly what I mean when I write about YOU.
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Gravity... sucks!
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Apr 8, 2009 1:57 pm
1203 Views
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Oh twice as much
Ain’t twice as good
And can't sustain
Like one half could
It's wanting more
It's gonna send me to my knees
Oh gravity
Stay the hell away from me
Oh gravity
Has taken better men than me
Now how can that be?
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
C’mon keep me where the light is
C’mon keep me where the light is
C’mon keep me where keep me where the light is
John Mayer (Gravity)
Do you ever have those days where nothing you do seems right?
Nothing you touch seems fixed or good enough?
Nothing… and I mean nothing can make it better.
I have had a series of these days. It all started when I cracked my head open.
Yes,… ladies and gentlemen, I have grace and style to spare.
I was running from a dam goat, (BTW….I hate, hate, hate goats) tired to jump a fence to get away, and then…. Landed smack dab onto a fence post just like George of the Jungle.
When I did… I split my forehead right down the middle.
Yes my friends… Gravity does work and it SUCKS!
I was taken (by ambulance.. thank you Sis) to the ER (where I work… I hate you Sis) just to have a big glob of superglue applied to my forehead. I walked around for a week looking like I had an oversized booger on my face.
After that, things just have not gone my way. No matter what the issue or problem, I seem to screw it up. Dam… and I was doing so well.
Second in all my problems… I will get another new boss in the next few days. I hate the prospect of another new boss! You never know what they are going to want or expect of you. This is the third one in just as many months. Dam.. Just when I was getting used to the last one.
One thing I do know…. All the projects I have been working so diligently will be either no longer needed or requested in a different format. That always happens!
Third in all my problems the aged old question of how to juggle work, family, and all the attached activities. Seems like I never get this one right. If I am at work and doing well, I miss out on something at home… If I am at home and doing well… I have a major problem at work… this just sucks.
All I can say is thank GOD for vacations.
Kinky vacations are even better.
I have to go to a very boring, long, and uninteresting class at the end of the month. For three days I will be trying my very best not to fall asleep… my only consolation is that I will not be alone. I am going to have a very special visitor with me.
He should make my day go by faster knowing I have a tied, willing victim upstairs waiting for me. I have never mixed business with pleasure before. I just cannot help myself this time. Nothing like a little excitement to change your luck.
Only…. I may have to keep him gagged…
I will be at work after all!
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I am an altruistic hedonist.... what are you?
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Feb 16, 2009 8:13 pm
1226 Views
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I feel so alive today
That's all that i wanted to say
I hope that it stays this way
If not i will be okay
Say another prayer
Save another life
Kiss me on my head
And tell me
Everything's alright
'cause i can say it one
Or i can shout it twice
All there really is
Is virtue and vice
Virtue and vice
Black Crows (Virtue and Vice)
Do you know or have an idea about why you are here… why is everyone else?
Did you stop to think, or just jump in?
I have been on this site for quite sometime now. I have found that people have various reasons for joining this site.
Singles are easy, they join to find something or someone they find compatible… for whatever reason. How better to fulfill sexual fantasies than on a sex site. Right… of course it seems to be easier for females than males to a certain degree.
As long as standards are low ( and I do not mean this in a bad way).. 
However, if you are female and want sex you can find it here with little effort. Poor guys you seem to have a harder time. There are far more men then women here so unless you want to swing both ways…
Which is fine for me as long as I get to watch.
Anyway,… plain old sex is easy here. If you are truly looking for a connection or love… “dates” are harder to find. People do not seem to be honest about what they want. After trolling the blogs all I see is, bastard, bitch, ogre, and turd.
Yes, I mean people contacting people and not being honest. That just sucks.
Me, I am easy and always honest. I know what I want and how to ask for it. If you are not willing to play my game, I am not interested and I do not particularly care if you get angry about it.
But why did I join?… I was looking for something just like everyone else. I was at a point in my life where the status quo no longer felt right. You should ask me sometime how I came up with my profile… that story is a real gas!
So why am I here? After all, Yes, I am married and yes, he knows. So how does it work you ask?
I know what I want. I am more than a little selfish to a degree I suppose, a hedonist to a certain extent. Not to mean that I do not care… but I know what I need. I see no reason not to ask for it.
Then again, as I have said before, I am a walking contradiction. I am also altruistic to a certain degree. I like to please if I am in the mood for it. I love to care for and make people feel safe and happy . For the good of us, all is my motto at times.
No matter what your motives were for joining this site, the same basic principles hold true?
What you are looking for and why do you need it.
If you are like me, married, happy and just… (whatever applies to you)… Then maybe you are also like me, an altruistic hedonist with a double major in virtue and vice.
Nevertheless, hey, I am female and entitled!
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Haunting Sex... and soundtracks
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Feb 15, 2009 9:30 pm
1145 Views
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A swollen sun melting at the horizon,
between the sheets I wait for her to come.
A living flame, impossible to resist,
burning me deep with every bite, kiss and lick.
Oh I'm haunted
Oh I'm haunted
Oh I'm haunted (by her).
Invades my sleep with tumescent intentions,
Hades I'm sure must be missing a demon
I
I hate the morning
I
I hate the morning.
Type O Negative (Haunted)
Have you ever meet someone that haunted you?
No matter the circumstance of how your relationship started…(Ok, Ok… he was tied and blindfolded when I came into the room)… how do your dates typically start?
When the relationship forms or morphs into something else entirely.. that is when you know, you are haunted.
In a good way?
That remains to be seen. Things I know for a fact:
1) I am addicted, I like to make him whimper.
2) I am haunted by his presence and can not stay away too long
3) I enjoy myself excessively.(As evidenced by my large shopping sprees). Don’t ask.. all my gifts are twisted.
This time we had several days together. It was very nice, although when I was not making him ill (apparently he can not hold his liquor)… I enjoyed just lying back and snuggling. I was not feeling quite up to par myself.
It was still a very nice vacation after a very long, hard and ugly week.
So… what did we do?
As I said… I went on a shopping spree. I purchased so many new toys I had to upgrade my “travel” bag. I now have a small luggage bag. Yes, with little locks ( I have already lost one excellent rubber flogger to my dog) the locks ensure that little hands and little dogs cannot get into my “personal things”!
This time he was in the room first. Of course, the bastard has to pick a hard to find hotel so I showed up at the wrong room!!
So, by the time I got there… I was ready to pounce.
You would think he learned his lesson after making me wait the last time!!
Hell NO… I had to teach him again.
So, that is where we started. A lesson in obedience and good manners. I made him repeat my rules and then we began. I started very slowly. We had several days to finish after all.
I played him perfectly. He asked me to be mean and demanding… yeah, I can do that.
I even made a soundtrack… For the second day. He played out perfectly. I told him he was not going to like it. I was able to predict exactly when he would fold. I timed the music!!
My poor darling, it turns out he likes it better when I am nice… well as nice as I get anyway.
What was my favorite part? I have to tell you.. the Pizza!
Confused yet?… well I was hungry so I ordered Pizza. It is the one thing that is true to it’s advertising… you’ve got 30 minutes.
I had him excited and just begging to cum… when the delivery boy showed up. His poor little face was priceless… I have never seen him look so frustrated.
I had him tied, untied, on his hands and knees, begging, shaking…. And just plain sleepy and in my arms. I hated when morning came... I am an early riser and he is used to working nights.
I liked it all far more than I should I guess.. if only because it was hard to leave.
I just wish I had not felt so ill… it wasted time. I even took pictures this time but the data was corrupted so I have nothing to show for it…. Dam camera!!
So what is next…. Well, I am still haunted. I must have him again, hopefully next time I can arrange for an audience.
I am still after my life’s goal after all!
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Mistress.. I beg you!!!
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Jan 10, 2009 11:12 pm
1174 Views
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Waiting in a room
All dressed up and bound and gagged
To a chair
It's so unfair
I won't dare move, for the pain
She puts me through is what I need
So make it bleed
I'm in distress, oh mistress
I confess so do it one more time
These handcuffs are too tight
You know I will obey, so please
Don't make me beg
For blood, sex and booze you give me.
--GreenDay (Blood, Sex and Booze)
Don’t you just love Green Day? I really like this song. I do not care how old it is. It brings back wonderful memories…. And it also puts me in the mood to plan for my next adventure.
I know it has been a while since I wrote about having a really good time. I was just reading over my blog and I realized the last time I wrote a post before my long absence, I mentioned that I was going to have a visitor…. And then I did not write for several months..
Are you dying with suspense yet?…
Well let me tell you… he was not tied to the chair…
NO… this time, I was in the room first. And to top it all off?…
I had to wait!!!!
Due to the proficiency of the airline industry… he was delayed… Several hours in fact. AFTER, I got all dressed up and laced into corset no less.
You know.. the really good kind of corset. The kind that takes another person to lace you in. So there I was, “strapped in” for several hours, waiting… not so patiently to pounce on him as soon as he came in the door!!! ( You are correct love… even though you it was no fault of your own and you already paid for it.. well more than once… I will not let you forget it…EVER!!! Where’s the fun in that?)
Anyway, when my pet finally arrived… I was more than ready.
It is so much better when you are comfortable with each other and have a large degree of trust. FOLKS… I do not recommend this unless you really know someone…
Shhhh… but this time, we ditched the safe word.
Since we have played together several times… over long periods of time… I feel very familiar with his body language. I feel comfortable that I will not hurt him... not even by accident.
So.. out with the safe word. It freed me up quite a bit. I did anything I pleased. I know… you are wondering, don’t I do that anyway?
Well, not exactly. You see, there is a need and a reason for a safe word. I believe when someone gives himself or herself to you, they are in control. They can stop the scene anytime they want to. They can beg for mercy if you will..
If you are not familiar with each other, a safe word only way to play safely. When you are familiar with each other.. and trust each other.. well, things are a bit freer.
I got to try a few things I have been wanting to do FOREVER…
A few things he was not sure he liked… not right away anyway. But I liked them.. so I did them.
I was able to act out many of the fantasies that I have had for awhile. I just needed a willing body to perform them on… and boy… was he willing, or rather willing enough.
I had a very special gift made.. just for him. He looks very good in it… BTW
Also, call me crazy, but there is just something I find extremely sexy about lipstick. Paint a really pretty pair of lips and I just go wild. The right product makes them soft and edible… so much so I get more than excited about kissing, sucking, licking, biting. Anything and everything about painted lips drives me wild. Of course the fact that he has such pretty lips they could be mistaken for a girl’s… well, that more than helps.
What else… oh, we did do a little something extreme. I have been wanting to do that for a very long time. It took him a while to get into the spirit of that one… but after a while he was able to relax and then he really got into it. That one, we will definitely REPEAT!
But of course, it is not like he had a choice.
There was sooo much going on… but when you trap someone for three days in a hotel room… you get to play a lot!
My favorite part?.. Well, that changes every time I reminisce. Tonight it would definitely have to be the flogging… I get very excited over a really good beating. He took it very well… even when I got a little selfish.
But all good things do have to come to an end… and I finally had to untie him let him fly home.
Anyway… he is due for another visit in a couple of weeks. I have been planning and plotting for a while now.
Do you know I had to replace my travel bag!!! I had to go out and buy much bigger bag to hold all of my “travel toys” as I call them. A much, much bigger bag!
I cannot wait to hear him begging once again. I love his voice when I say something very forceful or dirty… and he starts to whisper.
It is not fear that I hear in his voice… though I can be scary I am told.
It is not fear, or distress, or even helplessness that I hear, but rather a sexy kind of determination… a brave willingness do what ever I demand.
Next time... will be so much better!
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