And So It Began Vent  

herestherub 64M
8 posts
12/12/2005 3:37 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

And So It Began Vent

The door is locked again.
I knew it would come to this, but I'm philosophical about it.
I know what I have to do to survive this learning experience.
You see, I believe that everything you experience in this life, has a positive result. Even the insurmountable negatives are, in the end, a positive learning experience that will help guide you through the mire.

Can I ...........?
There it is again.
I'm sorry, but .. No.
I need you to leave peacefully, so that I can be your friend when you need one.
It takes a while, but she leaves without dispute, and all is well.

There are many who do not understand why I do what I do. Including some of my own family.
At times, I struggle to understand it myself, but eventually I come to a comfortable place.

Blah,blah ...... I slide $5 under the door, and she departs.

It all began five years and four months ago, I was a little lost, but secure within myself. Soon turning fourty seven, and recently traumatised via the realisation that I was never going to be able to hold my second marriage together. I hadn't been able to convince her that the 'you and yours versus me and mine' situation that she insisted upon, was not a reality for me. The reality was that, in spite of my best efforts, I was not ever going to be able to influence her point of view, and that therefore the situation was untenable.
It was difficult to go, but I could not live the remainder of my life in constant conflict over something that should never have existed in the first place.

So there I was. Living in a shitheap with several unattached semi-humans of the male species.
I felt somewhat out of place, for I didn't drink to excess, leave crap all over the place, use illegal substances, engage in dubious activities of infinite variety, or beat the crap out of any person who got under my skin, but, I still fitted in.
I nearly always do.

I won't say how I came to encounter her, because it may jerk someones' chain, and that's not my bent.
I could see that she was a user, and that was not apparent to the others, for she was careful to moderate her behaviour. That's what caused me to take an interrest.
She was a country girl with plenty of positive strengths. That's why I imagined that I may be able to help her.
You see, my primary intention was to assist a young person to escape a living death, to engage life as it could be engaged, to live as opposed to endure a miserable existence. I admit that my sex life was in need of some resurection, but that was not an immediate concern. There was no ulterior motive.
And so ........

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