Nerves  

hereforyou6217 43M
376 posts
6/16/2006 4:03 pm

Last Read:
6/16/2006 9:01 pm

Nerves


OK. So I know I haven't posted much lately. Or, you know, at all. It's been crazy here lately, seriously. Shut up, you don't even know. But today? Today I open up.

See, I've mentioned before that I'm a musician. I've been a musician more or less all my life-- started singing before I could talk, that sort of thing. Today I'm a full-time professional classical musician, and in my small world, I have a bit of a reputation. I'm known. Not WELL-known yet, but known.

So this weekend, I've been given a huge chance to increase my visibility among the community of people who play my instrument. There's a conference of sorts-- a "camp", I guess-- that one of the best-known young instrumentalists (young meaning a year or two younger than I am) in our field. There are going to be several people there who are fully capable of helping me along in my quest to improve my career standing. And I've walked out on a huge limb-- I'm premiering a new piece of music with the group I play with on this concert, as a soloist.

This was going excellently... until Monday.

Sunday morning, I woke up with a little tickle in my throat. Didn't think much of it, started with the Airborne, figured I was coming down with a little cold. Monday morning, pretty much the same. But by Monday afternoon, sore throat had brought his friends headache, sinus pressure, and body aches to the party, and I went home at lunch, slept and relaxed the rest of the night. Tuesday morning I felt better, went to rehearsal, and played the piece with the group. It went well, but as the morning wore on, I felt worse and worse. At lunch, I knew I was in trouble when I got in the car and it felt awesome to just sit in there with no A/C on. In Georgia. In June. So I went home and took my temperature-- it was 102.9. Called the doctor, they told me to come in first thing the next morning.

When I came in (those of you keeping score at home know it's now Wednesday morning), the doctor told me that I had a form of pharyngitis. Good news? Totally treatable, unlike the common cold. Bad news? I couldn't go back to work for three days, because I was highly contagious. Also bad news? Pharyngitis, especially Strep Throat (the form I suspected it was) REALLY sucks. Three days? That means my first day back would be Saturday. The day of the concert.

So at this point, I've played the piece with the large group exactly twice. I've felt so awful (I was right, by the way-- it was strep) that I haven't touched my instrument since Tuesday morning. It's a wind instrument, so the fact that my throat's still partially closed off is kind of a problem. So basically, the time I'm supposed to be spending getting to the top of my game has been spent trying to fight off an infection. And I just tried to play the piece right before I sat down to write this. Let's just say tomorrow may end up being a bit of an uphill climb.

I've never been the kind of person to get nervous in front of a crowd. I have pretty serious exhibitionist tendencies. I've been an actor. I've fronted a rock band. I've been a soloist on a world stage. I've never really been nervous about it.

But right now? Right now, I'm nervous as hell.

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