Will the real me please stand up?  

helga_hansen 49F  
3122 posts
9/3/2005 1:52 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Will the real me please stand up?

When you look at me, what do you see?

It's a bit hard for many people to answer that question, because they have never seen the real me. Even harder to answer if you only know me through here, chatting to me in the Euro Hot Tub. And the real me? Outwardly I can appear cool, calm and collected. Inside I'm a bundle of nerves, continually worrying about what others think, continually worrying I am not fulfilling standards I think they have set me.

Criticism is always hard to accept.

True. We never like to hear ill of ourselves, do we? We're shocked when people tell us how they see us. Today I was told that I interfered. And that my interfering was having an adverse effect on somebody I knew. Of course, this was her opinion, but what if she was right? What if I was interfering, and I just couldn't see it. I needed to step back and look at the picture from the outside.

Will you tell me the truth, or just say what you think I want to hear?

I can be quite blunt... to the point of hurting people unintentionally. And that's in "real" life. I seem to be capable of doing it even more frequently online, which is very one-dimensional. There is no body language or eye contact to give me away. So I can be saying one thing, and you can be reading another.

This goes equally for someone chatting to me. How do I know that they are joking, jesting, kidding? How do I know they're not serious? They could be saying "it's okay, really", but their face could be showing a different picture, and I don't see that. I guess I place my trust in that person, and hope that everything they say to me is the truth.

The person who provoked this blog will probably never read it. Do I care? No. Because I've realised that no matter what I say, that person will continue to think what they think of me, regardless.

So... will the real me please stand up!


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥


areugame4 46M

9/3/2005 2:43 pm

I can relate with you! Seems I always assume what I see on the surface is true, (character flaw, give everyone and everything the benefit of the doubt! That is until proven my flawed thinking! As Decartes once said... " I think therefore I am" Means nothing we see is real.. Nothing we see really exists... It is all a figment of our own Imagination... Yet it is our imaginazation that make us and I.. So therefore I, choose to interpret the world the way I, see it.. BTW is green really green or could it be the blue you see... Aresenio where are you at times like these??? Please someone say it! Okay, Okay.... Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm! Oh and I prefer to park on a Parkway just makes more sense..


JDLA2 61M

9/3/2005 3:20 pm

Yesteday my 14 year old daughter said that she thinks that people who worry too much about what others think are conceited. At first this idea sounded to me like a contradiction but then she explained that what she means is that people who worry too much about their "image" take themselves way to seriously and lack real humility. she is right.

You say that on the one hand you can be very blunt but other hand don't like criticism. Sure its its important to do a reality check once in a while, but if you are really being yourself then there is not much that people can say that will come as a surprize. We really only get upset when we want people to feel differently about us than we really are.

Being blunt is fine, but you will alienate many people, being considerate does not mean being untrue to yourself. To me the key is, treat others as you would like to be treated. If you follow that rule you can stop worry about what people might think and just concentrate on sorting out the true friends from the idiots.


Nick351953 63M

9/3/2005 4:03 pm

i see just a jung woman, with nice boobs, where, if whe have a chat, ican see if whe like eachother to chat more


rm_pchamp012004 55M
2672 posts
9/3/2005 4:25 pm

We can all cavalierly say that we don't care what others think of us, that as long as we are true to ourselves, we can hold our heads up. To those people I say, "Congrats, you have truly evolved into a higher being". For the rest of us, we can say it, but it still hurts. Most humans <aside from the previously mentioned enlightened ones>, care a great deal what others think. We all want to be liked, we gather up all our moral courage just to speak out when we think an injustice is being done.

Unfortunately, this being said, yes I do often tell people what I think they want to hear. After all why hurt someone when it costs nothing to tell a little white lie.


TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
9/3/2005 5:27 pm

Helga ... Most of us have our uncertainties, our nervousness, our concerns about ourselves. If you haven't realised that much of me, for example, you really missed something.

That said and done, though, we can only be ourselves, flaws and all, and we should try to be ourselves as hard and as thoroughly as we can. Anything else is a fraud. If you are "worrying I am not fulfilling standards I think they have set me" that's very human ... but not sensible. You can never please everyone else.

Nick says he sees "a jung (sic) woman, with nice boobs" ... well, do you really want to live up (?) to that and nothing more?

I too worry about the impact I have upon others and I can well understand your concern at being told that you are having "an adverse effect on somebody". Yet, as a very wise man once told me, if you believe that the "somebody" cannot stand up for himself, cannot speak up for himself, can only sit there and take whatever you do, what does that say about your attitude to that "somebody"? Is he really so weak, so helpless, so hopeless?

No, I didn't think so.

Look instead, perhaps, at the motivation behind such comments.

Helga ... you are who you are and I for one cannot see that you need to apologise for that. If you genuinely offend in error, apologise (as you do) but if people form an opinion of you, an idea of you, based upon their own preconceptions - as they all too often do - that is really not your problem. Are you perfect? Maybe not ... but you can be you perfectly

Sorry for being so long-winded but I felt this was important.

Jx


AlbertPrince 58M

9/4/2005 6:12 am

What if the Hokey Cokey IS what its all about?


rm_urdreamonly 48F
19 posts
9/4/2005 9:57 am

the power of word...how simple we can push someone down or make them feeling special.......!!!
helga i proud of myself that u accept me as a friend....hugs

I am afraid if i say more that ur friendly, kind and caring Sensitive, loyal and understanding Humorous, fun, accepting, exciting and wise Truthful and helpful.....pete will tell me that i am < L >....lol


UnpinAfireFaust 57M

9/4/2005 11:55 pm

Helga, while I haven't had the pleasure of actually meeting you like TQG (yet), I totally agree with what he has already said. I would like to think I might know you a little better than most and I like what I see and hear and enjoy you....just the way you are. Friends can be funny like that.....or maybe it's just me.


papyrina 51F
21133 posts
9/10/2005 1:21 pm

i enjoy your company in chat and your blog,so keep on doing what your doing hun


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