Barbie's Christmas List...  

helga_hansen 49F  
3122 posts
12/20/2005 2:29 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Barbie's Christmas List...

c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245

Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 20, 2005

Dear Santa,

Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to you Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME!

There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm going to call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't want to be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 2005/6:

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a slut. How much smaller are these bathing suits going to get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What dickhead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOULD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm going to have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, get it done.

6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Vet or school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!

8. A new, more modern persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie ice cream and a bag of crisps; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray-on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable nicotine patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel share options. It's been over 40 years--I think I deserve it.

Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas.

It's that simple.

Yours truly,


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

Trouble2868 48F

12/20/2005 3:45 am

OMG, Poor Barbie. And I thought I had troubles. Santa, get her what she wants.

The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/20/2005 5:50 am

saddletrampsk 54F

12/20/2005 6:01 am

Go Barbie go..great post..

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