A pause for reflection...  

helga_hansen 49F  
3122 posts
12/20/2005 5:24 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A pause for reflection...

I've had some people ask me "why, if you're married, are you on a site like this?"

Well, there are countless others out there, who are married too, but I guess what makes me just a little different is that my husband knows I'm here. I do know of other couples, who "play together", and some who are couples but only one of them are the active member, so to speak. My husband is also a member, but isn't as active on his profile.

I met my husband when I was 21. He was 36. It wasn't love at first sight, but what we had worked. We got married 20 months after meeting, and our son arrived two years after that. There were many who said it wouldn't work, my own father included. What hope did my marriage have if my own family were against it?

We, like other couples, have had our ups and downs, and we both of us brought the baggage of our past into our relationship. My husband was married before, and his divorce left him having a nervous breakdown. My own life wasn't untouched by tales of woe, but my husband has a big heart and he loved me and cared for me.

Fast-forward a decade or so, and suddenly I have this urge to explore just who I am. In some respects, I was quite naive, very trusting, and very unskilled when it came to sex. My husband had been my only partner for 16 years, and I wondered if I was pleasing him, just as he wondered whether he was pleasing me.

I joined this site again, after a bumpy hiccup (lol, that is another story in itself) and slowly my exploration began. I went from just having a profile with no photo, to having one photo (my current profile pic, as it happens), to having 5 photos, and an album or two. Shortly after joining I found the chat rooms, and suddenly the sky was the limit!

In the year that I've been here, I have "met" and met some wonderful men and women. Lol, I never imagined that I would become friends with other women... it's a adult site, after all, and I have no lesbian leanings! But it is the men that I have really met who are all special to me, for one reason or another. They all have a place in my heart. I'm not in love with them, but I love what they gave me. They all gave me a chance to prove to myself that I am attractive to other men, they looked over the fact that I'm no supermodel, but they still spent time with me. I only took that 'leap of faith' with one man, and that was after months of patience on his side. Many men would have given up after the first month... indeed, many have!

Since embarking on that particular relationship, I've been called all sorts by some people here, people I no longer wish to be acquainted with. Remember, people who live in glass houses should never throw stones! At the end of the day, my relationship was between him and myself. We're no longer involved, but he will always remain my friend. I owe him so much, and I have so much to thank him for.

Tomorrow, Mr Hansen and I will celebrate 15 years of marriage. It hasn't all been wedded bliss, but the happy times far outweigh the unhappy ones, and those were only because we are both stubborn and had a habit of bottling things up instead of talking them through. There are only two people in this relationship, but I won't forget the others who have helped me grow, and neither will Mr Hansen. We talk now, and he knows how I feel about my friends... but he is the only one who has my heart.

As for the future... who knows!!

Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

angelofmercy5 59F
17881 posts
12/20/2005 7:04 am

Nicely said Helga! And congratulations on 15 years of marriage. May the next 15 be wonderfully happy ones.

The_Wraith_1969 47M

12/20/2005 7:15 am


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
12/20/2005 8:07 am

Glad you are happy and wish you many more years of the same.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

AmberSolaire 42M

12/20/2005 8:41 am

You dont have to answer this, but did your Husband ever meet the other man.


brightblonde3 58F

12/20/2005 9:10 am

Why should anyone make your business their business...better to tend to their own...

Happy anniversary to you and Mr. Hansen.

Smooches to you both,


slidein2meplz 62F
1994 posts
12/20/2005 9:35 am


~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
12/20/2005 10:36 am

Happy anniversary - to both of you. May you enjoy many, many more.

Yours may not be the typical marriage but that doesn't matter; what matters is it works for the two of you. And, let's face it, 15 years isn't bad going

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
12/20/2005 12:33 pm

congratz on those 15 yearz

may you share many more ....

Wackytits 53F

12/20/2005 7:29 pm

Happy Anniversary to you both, and here's to the next fifteen. *Bows in admiration*

sportsfan362436 47F

12/20/2005 10:17 pm

Happy Anniversary to you and Mr Hansen!!! Not only is 15 years an accomplishment, but you are still learning and growing together... that's even better! I understand, and share your 'urge to explore who you are'... I married at 19... he, older. The ones whom have caused you concerns from this site, are probably more than just a little bit, jealous. Jealous from the type of open relationsip you and Mr Hansen share. To those of us who are lucky to call you 'true friend', are always here... not only for you, but with you.
Enjoy your special day... and I hope you find what you seek.

*smiles, kisses n hugz*

GangBangCple 66M/55F

12/21/2005 12:27 am

{size5]Happy Anniversary!!

UnpinAfireFaust 57M

12/21/2005 1:09 am

Happy Anniversary Helga!!! I hope you and my "favorite photographer" enjoy your special day together. And I agree with what Sports said. I envy you your relationship and hope it continues to grow over the years. As for the people who choose to no longer be your friends, I'll say what I have before. It's their loss. But those of us who are privileged to be your friends...will always be here for you.

helga_hansen 49F  
1987 posts
12/21/2005 10:53 am

Angel... thank you

Wraith... wow, that was some greeting! Thanks!

Daph... I am. Mr Hansen is one in a million!

Amber... no, Mr Hansen hasn't met him. He lives too far away, really, and he's quite happy not to. He has seen his profile though!

BB... I whole-heartedly agree! Thanks for your kind wishes!

Slide... cheers!

Q... yes, I agree that my marriage is atypical... but as you said - IT WORKS!

Goddess... I am sure we will. Thank you!

Wacky... bless you!

Sports... thank you... who knows! Perhaps you will be sharing some good news with me soon!

GBC... thank you!

cannon... and I do appreciate knowing you are there.

Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

doughboybiker 58M

12/27/2005 12:26 am

I'm pretty new to all this, and I found your post very moving, even uplifting. In a way, it's sad that so many of become unfulfilled or unhappy with ourselves, but it's also great that you've had the chance and the trust to go out there and learn about yourself and others. So many stories we see and hear these days are sad and tragic, it's easy to forget that there are many successful relationships as well. Thank you for reminding me of that, and may continued good fortune bless your life.

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