How Long is Too Long?  

heavensent11236 52F
2577 posts
6/24/2006 4:09 am

Last Read:
10/26/2007 8:09 am

How Long is Too Long?

I've noticed something about this site, I don't always say much but I do watch alot.
What I've noticed after being here for a bit over a year? As mentioned in the above this is just MY take on things.
People come to this site, meet and hook up, they become "couples". Now, depending on HOW LONG they stay on this site after becoming a couple seems to determine how long they will also stay together.
I've also seen a few couples come to this site, and the same thing seems to hold true for them.
Maybe it's the availability, the mass amount of men on this site as opposed to the number of women. It's just really easy to meet men here, it's also a bit on the addicting side, but beyond that it's just the availability factor. You chat, flirt with a member of the opposite sex, in some cases the same sex, and eventually you start to wonder, whats that person really like and deep down you admit to yourself hey, maybe I'd like to have a date or two with a couple of these people.
Thats when whatever relationship that your currently in gets into trouble, not saying there was ever anything really wrong with it to begin with, but it's just the TEMPTATION factor.
Maybe thats when you should actually leave the site, before that happens.
There are the rare exceptions, but predominately they seem to be married couples that play with other couples. I guess it's the ability to act on that little crush, your relationship stays intact, so there's a definite upside to that kind of setup.
It's the boy-girl thing that seems to have the most trouble. The "monogamous" relationship kinda thing. When you can't act out your desires, thats when the relationship starts to get into trouble, and if you don't leave then well most relationships that I've seen, they don't work out.
Again, just my take, your's may be different.

softnlush 53F

6/24/2006 6:52 am

Interesting,but that is the way it usually goes,if someone is in a monogamous relationship and 1 of the partners wants to play with someone new..well,that can be kinda sticky lol.

Now,I know of several people who are in marriages,happy marriages but because they can separate sex from love,are able to act on their "crushes" in full view (whether literally or figureatively)of their spouse,without their relationship suffering,it in fact,enhances it..that is an open marriage and yep we got tons here.

But,lets say it is not an open marriage,or open relationship and one partner is curious about looking for some excitement,if there is no communication then the core relationship is in trouble. Yep the boy-girl thing is the most tricky in this situation..especially if they are not open to experimenting with others and that happens alot..alot.

My advice has always been look at the big picture,if the core relationship truly was satisfying,made them happy,content,secure..then there is really no reason to be thinking about stepping out,right? So,with that said..if that is not what is happening..for me personally..I would free myself and them from the the end,the other party may be hurt,but isn't it hurting them more to be in a relationship where their partner is not happy? Is it fair to the party that is looking to date others to stay in a relationship they are not clearly happy in? Is it fair to the partner that wants a monogamous relationship to be locked into something where there is someone else out there that may fit their ideal in the long term?

I have been on both sides of that fence,the wanting monagamous relationship and picking a player..and meeting someone who truly wanted to be my world and I felt trapped,suffocated and itchy for excitement both cases I walked..the first one,cause I caught him dead to rights excersising his "options" and the 2nd,because well,I thought I would murder him if I stayed one more second LOL.

Did this help at all? It is just my opinion..I say,you have 1 life to live that you are aware of,live it to please YOU not please OTHERS


1Sir_Lancelot 59M

6/24/2006 12:29 pm

SNL and I are on the same page and in agreement. I actually read this post early this am and wasn't sure how to word my reply. It seems that honest communication is the key to any good relationship. Staying in a relationship where either partner isn't happy or comfortable isn't healthy for either person.

rm_dingo397 50M
12 posts
7/3/2006 6:34 am

OK...lets see... I think open communication is the key ...but when your in a relationship where both parties ,and the key word is BOTH parties are in agreement to a monogamous relationship...THIS SITE CAN GET IN THE WAY...You have to decide what you want ...Alot of woman on this site have just gotten out of Bad long term marriages... THEY play the field for awhile like YOU have then realize its not what they want like YOU have...they commit to that person then continue on this site and get all this ATTENTION...that they have never received in there whole lives...Its a big time ego boost, and very tempting...Again you have to look at where your at, and decide what is best for you .... Open relationships or swinging,which ever you choose to call it,also have there problems they say 95% of them dont last...Most people i know from this site, and people who are not on this site,who are married swingers, will tell you most of these relationships dont last....YOU HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT ....its just hard to work on a relationship and have all these other guys giving you all this attention....lets face it, all they want is to get laid....and if they tell you thats not true, there fucking liars ....

getenpersinal 36M
1421 posts
11/24/2006 10:32 am

Hmm.. I Haven't had Nearly the icecap of your experience, but I have always suspected this. Because It's Feelings.. NOthing more than feelings.. feelings of love..

Which of course completely fall apart when you mix idle hands and Not Entirely True vigorously - or let simmer for a longer time. Either way, extraneous net accounts do seem, especially B-G, to result in the lack of maturity they started from, immaturely. But materially.

For example, you mention in a later post about how it is: so much for self-respect.

Freedy Johnston: "I know I got a Bad Reputation, and it isn't just"savetheplanet

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