An Apology to Most  

heavensent11236 52F
2577 posts
7/27/2006 8:50 pm

Last Read:
8/5/2006 4:17 pm

An Apology to Most


It doesn't happen often but it does happen occasionally, I completely loose my temper.
I've felt it coming for awhile now, the blow up, and even though I really don't know the person who I basically confronted, what she said just kind of put me over that edge.
There's been too much cattiness going on, and yes, before anyone starts pointing fingers I freely admit that I'm guilty of some of it but I tried to keep it out of the group, I might have blogged about it, and I might have sent one or two people a personnel message but I didn't bring it into the group.
I made one snap judgment on someone from the group that turned out I was wrong about. To her, I really am sorry, I still don't know if she realizes who she is but if so I truly am sorry.
There was one other person from the group that I harbored ill feelings towards but thinking about it a lot over the past couple of months I was wrong to do that. Call it childish mine, mine, mine behavior and I freely own up to that one as well.
I started attending the M&G's again not so long ago, I missed the friends I had made before my self-imposed exile. I have to admit though, attending the last couple of meetings, there was a lot of tension in the air, and I couldn't quite figure out why. Guess I still can't really figure out why, I suppose it's because everyone seems so segregated, off in their own little groups. I don't remember it being that way once upon a time. Maybe I was the one that had blinders on but the way I remembered it, everyone got along, everyone felt included and it didn't feel so much like a grade school playground, where all the "cool" kids were in one group and all the semi cool ones were in another and so on. We also didn't have people that thought that just because they walked into a room everyone should stop and bow down, so yes, that type of behavior really irritated me, nobody to my recollection was the PROM QUEEN. Before you start saying ahhhhh this is about jealousy let me assure you thats the furthest thing from my mind, it's about always having to be the center of attention, while cute to begin with it very quickly gets old very fast. That me,me,me thing just finally did me in. It had absolutely nothing to do with jealousy.
I've made a few apologies to a few people and told them the truth from the heart, you people are really a great bunch, don't walk away just because of really bad manners from a few people.

softnlush 53F

7/28/2006 6:59 am

Nope I did not think it was about jealousy either,I am normally not a jealous person,I may have a low self image of myself but even that is disappating a bit..just a bit lol

I think I know what you are trying to say,but I ask you this,you have left for a while and then came back,and everyone who missed you loved that you did,myself included..why leave again? I know there may be a couple of people that know how you feel about them and they will either confront or ignore..I know,why am I counselling on leaving when in fact,I left..I left for several reasons..not just 1 person,not just 1 thing..not just 1 event,for me,since I was going pretty regularly I watched it decay,I felt how I felt at the end of every one since January and I was pretty much just hoping it would clear up at some point,but the last one I went to,where I felt you were dissed so horribly,and a couple of other things that happened around me..basically pushed me off the fence..to stop bitching on every blog the day after. But you see,the fence is still in my eye sight..I,at some point may feel like climbing it again,just depends..depends on if things change,if people recognize their egos and their attitudes,if they realize playing nice means being kind,being honest,being genuine..that it is not all about them and it is not all about me me me..there are alot of different people,different lifestyles,that are looking for different things..and as long as they are honest about it..great,but when they lie for attention,cause hurt feelings because they do not think before they act/speak it makes it all such crap to me.

It is great that some have such confidance that they feel they light up a room,it is great that some have such kindness that they will extend their hands to a stranger..trouble is,we have too much of one and not enough of the other.

People are cliquish,I am cliquish..I choose to sit,talk to the ones I feel are genuinely nice people,good in the soul..that radiates off them,I am attracted to that..but,I make my rounds,I say my hellos,give my hugs and then go back to my comfort zone. Nothing wrong with it..just like there is nothing wrong with having private by invitation only get togethers..that is perfect for some,shit it is perfect for me ha ha!! I have no issues with that at all and rarely if ever feel the tinge of "wow wonder why no one considered me"..they didn't because I am not their friend,or I am not their kind of person..or they had not remembered..it is allll good.

Heaven before you leave totally,maybe just take a time out..remember this always,not everyone is gonna like us,and you are not gonna like everyone..but you just came back..and you have a crush..I think as long as that crush is around,you may want to reconsider leaving..and I promise you..I will rethink my thought process as well..not making promises I am coming back..but I will think it all through.. ok?


__poet__ 45M
3583 posts
7/28/2006 7:36 am

I dont want you to go heaven...It takes time, and for me I try so hard to say hello to everyone, and meet everyone, go to functions. Not everyone can be comfortable with everyone else...

With that said. Even tho you harbor these feelings you can still put all this behind you, her, TASA and be a part of US...

We all came here for the same reason. We wanted to. That has to mean we all have ONE thing in common...

Right?

Please, it's ok to take a break, I did...Just hate to see this is all.

"There are no shortcuts to life's greatest achievements; therefore we take these risks not to escape life but to prevent life from escaping us!"poet
Come visit my little corner to hide...


heavensent11236 52F

7/28/2006 4:41 pm

Poet;
Yes I know but you found one of my many personality flaws, I am NOT a patient person, use to be but think I used it all up with getting the kids raised.
As for what you and Soft are saying, you have valid points, yes, I came back because I missed my friends. I did a self-imposed exile thing for a reason to begin with, I didn't want to hurt someone from the group so I thought it was better not to go then to go and see pain in that persons eyes.
I believe that situation has been resolved so thats why I started coming back.
And soft is right, how am I suppose to oogle and drool over that crush unless I actually show up huh?
Now, I'm going to let all of this bitchiness go, on my part, I said my peace, I made enemies but at least I can say I did what I thought was the right thing to do.
Maybe next time people will actually stop and think about what they say before they say it, if you wouldn't want to hear those things yourself then chances are someone else wouldn't want to either.


heavensent11236 52F

7/28/2006 4:45 pm

Soft;

Girl, you should practice what you preach, yes there are always going to be people you aren't terribly fond of but are you going to let those people dictate where you go? I think you should rejoin the group along with some others who have left. I think we should all just let it go and start all over. Clean slate. You never know, could be like me and you just misjudged one or two people, I'd give them the benfit of the doubt.
As for this next M&G, nope, I won't be there, has nothing to do with the group, has to do with I have to work.
Something to think about anyway.


rm_Kingcat4U2 64M
2799 posts
7/28/2006 6:13 pm

Yeah, but don't you feel better that you got all of THAT out of your system? Heartfelt venting, heartfelt apology. Seems like you're on the right track to me. So forget about it, and go out there and have some fun!


heavensent11236 52F

7/29/2006 5:49 pm

Ya know King, yep I do. As I said, I may have made some enemies but at least I got it out of my system before I really blew up.
As I said before, it's done and over time to move on, those that can accept the apology thats great those that can't, well not my problem.
Just to let you know, I'm never the type to apologize unless I really mean it. I never said I was sorry for what I said, that would be like admiting I was wrong and I don't believe I was, but you know what they say about opinions. I apologized for making everyone in the group uncomfortable, That was what the apology was for.


softnlush 53F

7/30/2006 8:59 am

    Quoting heavensent11236:
    Soft;

    Girl, you should practice what you preach, yes there are always going to be people you aren't terribly fond of but are you going to let those people dictate where you go? I think you should rejoin the group along with some others who have left. I think we should all just let it go and start all over. Clean slate. You never know, could be like me and you just misjudged one or two people, I'd give them the benfit of the doubt.
    As for this next M&G, nope, I won't be there, has nothing to do with the group, has to do with I have to work.
    Something to think about anyway.
Well,I am 99.9% sure I did not misjudge anyone LOL,see and that is where I have my conflict..I wish I did misjudge them..but alas,they are who they are and as long as they are around,I probably will avoid the M&G's for the time being. The loss of one to make 3 or 4 comfortable seems fair and just and I can live with that. The friends I made,if they are my friends and I know they are,will see me other times..perhaps I will show at a UFC event,who the fuck knows,depends on my mood actually..but I am trying to see if I can get past the black cloud that just seems to be hovering over it all..I too,will not go the August Meet and Greet as it is at the beach and me and mosquitos do not get along too well,plus I am not comfortable yet just showing up..maybe next one..but keep your eyes open in your IM or email in re to Aug 25th..it is a Friday..I am giving almost a month's notice,just have not decided where and what time yet..once I do,I hope you will be there

~~~snl~~~


heavensent11236 52F

8/1/2006 3:58 am

Damn girl, I'm going to be in NY on the 25th, or at least I think I am, still have to buy that plane ticket. Then have to figure out where to stay, not really up for the why couldn't we work things out thing that I know I'd have to deal with if I stayed at the house. Isn't a problem though, between the kids and my friends I have a place to crash.


softnlush 53F

8/1/2006 4:48 am

    Quoting heavensent11236:
    Damn girl, I'm going to be in NY on the 25th, or at least I think I am, still have to buy that plane ticket. Then have to figure out where to stay, not really up for the why couldn't we work things out thing that I know I'd have to deal with if I stayed at the house. Isn't a problem though, between the kids and my friends I have a place to crash.
NY?? May I make a shopping list for ya? Will you be in NY city?? I am SOOOOO jealous LOL?? If you will be in Brooklyn..get us some BAGELS..kidding kidding..or am I?

~~~snl~~~


Become a member to create a blog