The Silken Cord  

heavenly_body39 60F
740 posts
2/16/2006 6:43 am

Last Read:
7/3/2006 10:40 am

The Silken Cord

I recall a novel once that offered the idea that our love binds us together with invisible yet indestructible silken cords that link our souls/hearts. While this is a highly romanticized view of love and attachment, it merits some examination on this cold, dark morning.

My body has been feeling exhausted and achey as my heart battles with my mind. Yesterday a sort of confluence emerged as I suffered yet another anxiety attack after telling my daughter (who had chosen to miss the bus home to stop at Blockbuster for a movie) that no, I wouldn't come give her a ride home. She screamed out what a horrible mother I was...) The combination of the accumulated stresses caused me to begin some anxiety responses. My doctor, worried about me, called in a script for Zanax. An hour later the knot that has been lodging in my chest for the past two weeks unloosened a bit and I could breathe easily again.

That silken cord, made up of many smaller ones twists itself into a highly dense attachment. I have suffered so much loss and grief this past year that cutting through one more cord feels impossible to do. Yet cut it I must because the heart/soul on the other end has been too battered by its connection to my hurting, raging heart. Trust has been squandered by making deceitful choices.

The lack of trust has frayed the cord. Now I must make a surgically precise cut to sever it completely. Do I have the courage and strength today to do so?

Do I have a choice?


ahughjardon 61
56 posts
2/16/2006 7:47 am

Hi Heavenly! Far be it for me to be presumptuous enough to offer advice, other than to step back and look at the big picture. I'm sure you'll find the wisdom to make a right choice and the courage to do it and remember you DO have friends.
Ahugh


muscles4u2have 55M
1642 posts
2/16/2006 1:46 pm

No choice!! You have to do it! Every day wasting away in greif is a day of your life lost!! Life is to damn short. Wake up and smell the roses, I really mean go smell the roses. Tomorrow may never come, so use your time wisely and use it to its fullest. Live life like there is no tomorrow!! Always put a positive spin on every thing life throughs at you!! Okay I'm off my soap box, but damn it girl get going on with a happy life!


heavenly_body39 60F
157 posts
2/16/2006 5:21 pm

yes, muscles, yes ahugh life is too damn short to be unhappy and how well i know this! thank you for the kick in the thong!!

hugs,
heavenly p.s. glad to have you back, too!


BobbyBoyz1 60M

2/18/2006 12:38 pm

Heavenly,

You have had an incredible journey over the last 2 years. As have I. We are both richer for what we have experienced. It is sad that others have made choices that lower out lever of enjoyment. And the sad part, they knew what they were doing. Keep a smile, know I am your friend!

Hugs,

Bobby


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