Jealousy  

heavenly_body39 60F
740 posts
9/19/2005 7:37 am

Last Read:
6/13/2006 6:06 pm

Jealousy

I am considering what a girlfriend and I discussed on Saturday night after I returned from a club with my guy.

She said, 'I'm not sure I could be a swinger...I'm a jealous type of person.' I agreed that it is not easy for me, at all.

So I am wondering in this swinging world, how do people manage their feelings of jealousy? When in a public chat room, do you see evidence of former lovers pursuing new partners, and feel jealous?

How do you trust anyone on this site? How do you overcome feelings of possessiveness and jealousy with your current partners?

I really want to know how men and women do this...


rm_JenNRon4u 42M/40F

9/19/2005 8:33 am

I wonder the same thing. but I trust my husband and thats what should matter most. others can not hook back up if he is not willing. We have not yet found anyone to experiment with. But I fear the same thing. The woman we choose not respecting our relation ship.


rm_4nik8_4u 61M
2501 posts
9/19/2005 1:58 pm

Only complete trust that your partner is ALWAYS going to be your partner can ease those feelings. If you're not comfortable in that situation then why do it? If what you seek is really a LTR and being faithful to each other, then you need to reconsider. If none of this is true then have at it and don't worry about anyone else because feeling jealous is not going to be fun for anyone.


heavenly_body39 60F
157 posts
9/19/2005 4:25 pm

mmm i find myself doing it for the pure experience, the stretch it requires to open my mind to the old, inhibited cultural norms of monogamy made miserable by alienation. but you make an excellent point about trust and knowing it is he i will always go home with. it does come down to self-trust, too...in knowing without doubt that he chose me, that he will not leave me for that busty blonde over there.


two41and14two 55M/49F

9/19/2005 6:13 pm

the key to not being jealous is hoping that maybe he will fall in love with someone else, lol
i have often wondered if it is wrong that i am never jealous when he fucks someone else. in fact, in a three-some situation, i am often a little annoyed if he pays much attention to me because i don't want to be distracted from whatever wonderful woman i am with... i used to be straight, but now i wake up, wet dreams about girls, thinking about girls when i masterbate, guess i crossed over. if he ever left me, not sure i would ever go back to a man...


grino3 42M
17 posts
9/19/2005 6:22 pm

Maybe you should take up the game of Golf. Playing different coarses is always both an adventure and expanding experiance. But first and formost its a true mirror where one is at in the moment. It might be less confusing and a more definable constant than a swing club.


kokpelli_999 61M

9/19/2005 7:33 pm

How do you trust anyone on this site? I trust ninety-nine percent of the members on AdultFriendFinder are after sex. Initially that’s why I joined, to get fucked.Few are here to establish long term relationships. People seldom join because they are looking for an immediate long term relationship.Many see themselves as playing catchup. LTR’s that not only include an exclusive committed relationship but long term friendships also. Most are here to fuck crazy. As the AdultFriendFinder home page advertises “the Worlds Largest Sex and Swinger Personal Site” It doesn’t advertise “Find a Meaningful and Enduring Relationship here” That’s over on e/Harmony. I readily accept this site as “anything goes”. Given these premises, I trust myself to sense the trust worthiness of others. Much to my delight I have made some friends here. Do they trust me? Yes to the extent they know I’m honest and discreet. I have had to back away from some acquaintances I’ve made here because I realized they were not in my best interest. I define that as self-preservation.
Heavenly another observation to consider, men are breeders. I know it’s so anti PC. But I’m speaking from the male perspective so indulge me. If we men indulge our propagating genetics it’s just a cold hearted animalistic instinct to fuck anything in heat. I don’t condone such activity because I don’t believe it makes me or society better. But being honest with myself I acknowledge it is part of my humanness.(No such word I know) I’m too sensitive to burden my conscience with such casual encounters.
It’s taken me the last three and half months to figure this little bit out about myself. At times it was very very confusing and frightening. As a writer much more famous than I will ever be wrote,
”To thine own self be true”


volcanoinu23 53M

9/19/2005 10:50 pm

Since I started this, I felt jealousy once. As it turns out, I was just lonely when a former partner had a date. I have to keep a kind of "mental distance" from partners. We are together to enoy each others' bodies. What makes it easier is that I seldom agree to meet someone that doesn't mention the term "uncommitted realtionship".


heavenly_body39 60F
157 posts
9/20/2005 12:15 am

it's so easy to feel jealousy when you fear losing him, or her. where does this fear arise from? i could get a bit psychoanalytical here, but i won't. i think the bottom line is, jealousy comes from fear of loss of love. it is irrational and nonsensical, but it also seems to be part of all of us, some more than others.


two41and14two 55M/49F

9/20/2005 10:15 am

isn't that the way it is with most things in life... if you hold on too tight they are gone.

my beautiful 16 oz coffee cup from the museum store gets a broken handle two weeks after i get it. the new shirt gets a stain on the sleeve the first week i wear it. the plant i love that my husband bought for me for the yard dies. i remember, when i was young, the head fell off my favorite doll and couldn't be repaired. a favorite necklace broken, a true love cut short more than once...

but the jacket that i don't really like but wear all the time never wears out. the dishes that were given to me never!!! break, the hamster, whose cage we were tired of smelling lived for more than 9 yrs!! my husband is always good to me, if sometimes a bit too domineering.

so heavenly, i think the question might not be how do you control jealousy?, but do you want to? Would you trade the passion of a relationship where you are holding on a little too tight for the halcyon of a placid relationship? i think you want more than that and just might have to find a way to embrace jealousy.... ( i am reminded of how i feel when i am running, not enough air in my lungs, a little pain, but knowing it is good for me.... maybe that is like jealousy, better to live with the pain than to lived having not experienced it.)

can't end this blog without a mention of the seven deadly sins....
what are they anyway?
envy(jealousy), sloth, greed, gluttony.... um...
i cheated, had to google the rest...
leave it to me to have forgotten lust, lol
anger, and vanity


CometInkedPorch 52M
1 post
9/20/2005 9:12 pm

hmmm..that the question of jealousy is raised and addressed suggests that it is closer to the surface than what might be allowed. what does this say? why jealousy in this context? (as opposed to, say, pure anger?) could it not be the case that those who choose to swing need to be this way and their partners' questions about jealousy is, in the end, really misplaced? just curious.


heavenly_body39 60F
157 posts
9/21/2005 6:38 am

Two41, i do embrace jealousy every time i got to the club...i know he is surveying the potential partners, see how his eyes lock, see how he fixates. sometimes i am so distracted by his evident attraction for other women that i foget to notice the potential males, for me...

or it may be that i only, truly want him and am threatened by the imbalance. i embrace this, even in my fear, because it allows me to stretch and grow. sometimes, i fail and it becomes too hard to be present for his attraction to other women.

i feel it in my pounding, pained heart. i feel it in my stomach as well...


gix58 58M

9/21/2005 5:26 pm

When i've felt pain in my stomach (gut) as well as my heart, then, it's time to do a check on the commitment factor..with myself in the past, it's usually been a one sided emotion, and a loosing one at that...but yet i stick and stay....not as healthy as it should be.


tillerbabe 56F

9/22/2005 1:35 am

Jealousy to me is a debilitating emotion, it reveals that you "don't think you're good enough". I love beautiful women. I love beautiful men. There are none like me....there are none like you. I like me, if someone likes another more than me.....more power to them, because there is always...more.
Also, understanding is under-rated. If you both want it.....if you want to give the "gift" a beautiful woman to your man and visa-versa, (I hate that term - sounds goofy), and your soul, your secrets, your friendship is so very strong...well...sex is just a "part" of the person you love..it is not his whole "identity" and likewise, a woman's sexuality is not her whole "identity". We are so much more.


livemachts 41M

3/22/2006 12:37 am

mehr !!!


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