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It is What it Is
It is What it Is
He leveled a gaze at me across the table over plates of Mexican food.
"That's the problem,you know," he said in a light voice that softened the harsh cynicism of his words.
"Your mistake was in thinking that your pussy was any tighter, wetter, more special than anyone else's.
In the 'lifestyle' no one has territorial rights to anyone else. Everyone thinks they've got the biggest cock, the tightest pussy, the best oral skills, the most satisfying fucking ability."
He took another bite of his rice. "You were his 'beard', his pass into the kingdom, his way to become acceptable as a single male in this lifestyle . But your pussy was just another pussy."
"You were wrong in thinking it could or would be anything else."
He is now 'retired' from the 'lifestyle'. He found a clearing-out period was helpful. He suggested I do the same, finding solace and finding a way to love being home alone, in fact to prefer this to being out in public. Further, my creative talents could be put to better use than through my body.
After a year of being nearly manic in my need to get out to soothe my restlessness, and after nearly 4 months of trying to find answers where there were none, his words hit hard.
But not painfully so, more like the beginnings of a rainfall on a parched desert. I was beginning to comprehend, and to me, comprehension brings me a measure of peace.
Time is the one thing we cannot surely regain. Our lives are so brief on this earth that to squander time in any way is a mistake we cannot afford to make very often.
I am, as always, a woman warrior and for awhile this year I was fighting on the wrong side.
I took my book, up to chapter 27, down for a short while to allow time to more clearly understand my motives. While it was very painful to write, it allowed me to interpret the relationship with more clarity.
I fell in love with a man who, as a borderline sociopath/narcissistic personality disorder, could look good and maintain this as long as he kept skating on the surface. But the type of relationship I demanded is outside his realm of abilities. It was a simple case of poor judgement and misguided committment on my part.
I will repost my book in various chapters.
5/30/2006 9:01 am
His words were accurate yet general. Yet when you refer to the lifestyle, I was almost offended. We are people that are simply more passionate, more desiring of the prizes of flesh. A relationship above and beyond the sensual touches are a bonus.|
It is probably almost an insensitive generalization, but that is where I stand.