heavenly_body39 60F
740 posts
8/28/2005 8:47 am

Last Read:
5/24/2006 5:47 am


I won't even try to write about what happened last night; it's still too painful to recall much detail. Suffice to say, I'm feeling as low and as unhappy, truly, as I ever have in the last year since leaving my marriage.

I've been reviewing photos from an erotic photo shoot that happened yesterday, and all I can think of is, 'what good is having a body like this when I'm so damned unhappy'?

The worst thing about last night is how I'm feeling, now, so unconfident about my beauty, power, and sexual attractiveness. I'm thinking, no amount of sexual adventure is worth this degree of pain.

I need to be with a man who consumes me, ME, who absolutely cannot get enough of me, who is fascinated by me and my quirks, cannot stop touching my body, mind and soul. Who does not use my presence in his life to access other women in ANY way, especially to fuck them.

Dress it up all you like, but swinging/swapping when the objective is only to find other sexual partners is called 'using'. At least it feels like I've been used, this morning. Jealousy because my man can so eagerly be with another woman? Perhaps it exists because there is not enough love for me in this friendship, coming from him.

Goodliquor4u 40M
200 posts
8/28/2005 12:21 pm

its not easy to share ones sexual self with others. especially when that sexual person is not able to separate from the loving person inside. swingers/swappes can separate sex from love. There is no need for jealousy, you know that you are going home with the person you came with. perhaps you are insecure with the relationship. maybe if the relationship was stronger in your mind then you be able to separate love from the sexual adventures.
these are just my thoughts.

heavenly_body39 60F
157 posts
8/28/2005 7:23 pm

yes, and you see, that could be at the root of the problem. when i go home with him, i only go as far as my doorway. he goes home to spend the rest of the evening with his wife. i would separate love from sex if i could, but i am learning in this case that i may not be able to. thank you for your thoughtful comment, goodliquor

rm_4nik8_4u 61M
2501 posts
8/29/2005 8:39 am

I think you are seeking love but you are being led by your incredibly sexual inner being. At some point the two will merge and you will feel the things you seek to feel. You can't make the two merge, it must happen of it's own free will. When it happens you will understand what I am saying. Things will become clear.

windancer66 50M

8/29/2005 4:19 pm

The man you are looking for, the man that can make every dream come true and can make you feel the way you need to is out there. One of the hardest things to do is give our hearst to someone, And i'm sorry that yours has been broken, and stepped on, and you are feeling the way you are. All I can say as look not at yourself for fault, or put yourself down for how you feel. Do not question who you are as a person, but rather know that the hurtfull feeling inside you now will pass and each day will get better and better.

Goodliquor4u 40M
200 posts
9/12/2005 3:12 pm

heavenly body you sound like an amazing woman, dont givr up looking. he is out there somewhere. until then enjoy yourself. you only live once so live it up. forget about him and live your life. you will find someone on the way....

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