Free  

heavenly_body39 60F
740 posts
10/16/2005 6:39 pm

Last Read:
3/21/2006 11:07 pm

Free

I looked up at a glorious fall-colored maple tree across the soccer field where my daughter's team was struggling and caught a sudden inhale of relief.

I am free. I can choose whom to spend the evening with, and where to go. I no longer have to go to a home where the tension is so thick; the questions never get asked; the blame is like a thick blanket, smothering, hot in the icy stillness.

Ah but what price freedom? In the next inhale comes pain, guilt, anxiety so sharp it feels like terror.

There he is, apart from the rest of the parents in the stands. He avoids looking at me; talking to me only to cover business-like dealings concerning logistics and kids. He looks gray and small, old and somehow defeated, and a part of my heart gives way in sympathy.

I am who I am because of my choices...how simple the sentence, how incredibly intricate the concept. I remind myself of my freedom as I drive home to My Place.


djmuggy 39M

10/17/2005 11:54 am

The price of freedom is high. You cant help but think that they will spend nights alone pondering your life together, and you cant help but think about the life you led with them. Then it gets all sad and awkward, then you realize, thats what it was like when you were with them.


heavenly_body39 60F
157 posts
10/17/2005 3:58 pm

So, I did not mean to be 'heavy' with this entry. I hope I have not offended nor pained anyone. But if my blog makes you think, to contemplate, to consider...this is a good thing.

Sometimes those things in life that make us think hit us like a ton of bricks. I wrote this piece, however, quite selfishly, for me. That people read my words feels healing somehow.

thank you djmuggy...for your comment; welcome to my blog


ahughjardon 61
56 posts
10/17/2005 8:42 pm

NOT too heavy Heavenly! I'm free also but I had more pain and anxiety before MY freedom and fortunately I will never again have to see her. We are ALL who we are because of our choices and regrettably I made one really BAAAD one, so I appreciate my freedom every day! Keep going forward, Heavenly! Ahugh


tillerbabe 55F

10/17/2005 8:57 pm

Freedom comes at a cost....sometimes we have to sacrifice some for the good of all of us. You're a better person becuase of the choices you have made Heavenly....


kokpelli_999 61M

10/17/2005 9:05 pm

You've breathed freedom! Isn't it a wonderful experience to have felt that? I know you'll have more breaths like that and fewer of the other.
I believe:
Feeling is the language of the soul this is the language to choose. Listen to your feelings. Listen to your experience.
The Highest Thought is always that thought which contains joy.
Listen to your Highest Thoughts. Listen to your experience.
I read your words and my Highest feeling about them is joy.
Enjoy Your Place.
Kok


rm_VMGR152 58M

10/18/2005 12:41 am

The Price of freedom comes in many ways .. we all have paid the price oneway or the other.. The Price of freedom today comes to us as we see our borthers and sisters dieing in todays war. such a high price to pay for freedom.


rm_4nik8_4u 61M
2501 posts
10/18/2005 6:27 am

I understand the feelings of pain, anger, frustration, joy, relief, sorrow, pity, dispair, fear, excitement, thrills, pleasures, discovery and more. All these things are understandable and part of the process you have gone through. Learn from all of it!


two41and14two 55M/49F

10/18/2005 3:09 pm

freedom is not being able to do whatever you want to do, it is being capable of doing what you ought to do

yes you are free, but still it is hard to see the forest for the trees

or is it hard to see the man but for the cocks?

lol, a hard man is good to find

k, i am rambling useless quotes again, bi


livemachts 41M

3/22/2006 12:29 am

Mmmmmmmmmm !


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