Creative Loving  

heavenly_body39 60F
740 posts
9/3/2006 10:19 am

Last Read:
9/9/2006 11:08 am

Creative Loving


My friend Daniel who is one of the wisest men I know, has observed: "women are unhappy and men are complacent, so complacent that they rust."

I am a survivor of a marriage where my exhusband was such a controlled man that he had the same food for breakfast and lunch, everyday, for years; the same ritualistic bedtime; the same vacations at the same spots, same time, every year. And a nearly nonexistent sex life.

I was unhappy. He was complacent.

I left; he is still angry, still mourning the way I destroyed our family and his plans for the future.

Any new relationship is enormously thrilling and exciting. The trick, the proof of a man's willingness to be a creative lover...to step outside of the box of complacency...is to be imaginative. And to love his woman enough to engage her even after years of knowing her.

Do I believe women can become boring lovers too? Oh, most definitely. Do I think men carry the burden of being creative lovers in a LTR? Yes, I do. It may be unfair, and it may be frustrating, but I believe the man must take leadership around this.

From what I know of women, and myself, the man who leads in bed is the man who inspires me to give my all. When was the last time you made love to a woman where if she gave your her all, it was lousy boring sex? Women, most women, love to play seduction games. A creative male lover is hugely seductive to most of us women. Even if we have been with the guy for many many years, know his bathroom habits, the intimacy of his bank account; an imaginative male is a man who is interested in ME enough to find my sexual buttons and push them.

And, in this playspace, this uniquely wonderful adult playtime, ANYthing goes. Women would do well to learn to stay open-minded and in touch with their mysteriously sensual erotic bodies. This type of women, no matter her ethnicity, intelligence, size, shape, childhood history...this woman is JUICY and ripe for playtime.

I am learning the beauty, the absolutely powerful, amazing gift of being the lover of a creative, caring male.

May we all...men and women...be inspired to truly love our partners this weekend. Try something you have never tried before; take the risk to push out of your comfort zone, even in bed.

If my ex had been able to hear, be in touch with, and follow this type of advice, I swear he would have never lost me.

pragmaticCTcpl 61M/50F

9/3/2006 12:53 pm

Very poignant observations. I have never heard anyone put it like your friend Daniel's comment of: "women are unhappy and men are complacent, so complacent that they rust."

Our own previous marriages were much the same...but different.

Her's was as the typical "trophy wife" scenario...often forgotten about for extended periods of time...and never appreciated.

His way of describing his life was "not happy...not miserable...just living."

We were fortunate enough to have found each other, and, not wanting to repeat the same mistakes, we never let a moment go by that we don't love each other...with the same intensity as when it was beginning.

We still find "new" ways to "think outside the box" when it comes to our lovemaking, too...even after 5 years..!


nightis 52M

9/4/2006 6:33 am

A very good read filled with very applicable ideas. I am still struggling with how the expectation is for men to sexually push women though. Society and a long marriage convinced me otherwise. Once I entered this playground, it suddenly became my responsibility to "push". I am adjusting, but it has been one hell of a learning experience.

Of course, as educators (You and , we also understand that we are not worthy of such a noble mission in life unless we too are life-long learners!


rm_lustyamy 44F
1 post
9/4/2006 10:27 am

It's an interesting perspective. Normally, it is the woman, after marriage, who succumbs to stagnation and withering. Less time to take care of herself when the children are around. More interested in establishing routines (mealtimes, schedules, etc.). Stereotypically, women become the disinterested ones after marriage - gain weight, lose interest, got their man, now can relax and not invest so much sort of thing, etc.

Of course, that's not to say that men become less enchanting too! Many men lose sexual interest in the woman they're with over time, and look for new flesh on the side. So they're still feeling sexual through life, just not with a woman who has become more capable in the kitchen and less spontaneous in the bedroom.

A relationship will only work if it isn't based around sex, finacial security or other side dishes of life satsifaction. Solid relationships require great communication skills and respect for each other. My wife and I are in a really good place at the moment after 11 years. Got over bumpy bits on the road several times (there isn't a person alive that doesn't meet the bumby bits on the road). We are looking to play with others now, for the physical and emotional thrills that extra partners can provide!

Good luck to you. As a writer myself, I wish you all the best with the book, etc.

xx

Tom


TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
9/4/2006 9:19 pm

Well, once again you described my relationship with my future ex...the man was sexless, unappreciative, and yet "comfortable". It is truly rocking his world that we are divorcing and he is very unhappy and angry. I have found a part of myself that had been missing for so long...that even though I was a wife, and mother, I am still a woman and have needs, both sexual and for a relationship, that I was not getting and knew would never get. Unlike what lustyamy says....I am not withering! While I am overwhelmed and busy with my kids I have never felt better about myself as a woman and how I look and how men look at me! I haven't felt this way in almost 20 years.


rm_HikerSkier_2 53M
2 posts
9/5/2006 4:44 pm

Wow, I wish I had the time to tell you my story. You have come a long way, have tremendous experience, understanding and sense of reality.

Sometimes as you mentioned the women too become complacent. Mine wanted to act like a man, not realizing the world was changing and my career was in jeapordy. Support mentally, must go both ways.

Communication and experimentation. Think outside the box and live outside the box, at least periodically.

All sections were compelling to read though I skimmed your very last section. I hope to engage in dialog in the future. Maybe we can learn from a little discussion.


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