Another Day, another lesson  

heavenly_body39 60F
740 posts
8/10/2006 11:29 am

Last Read:
8/11/2006 7:45 am

Another Day, another lesson

I woke up today not feeling well...

"Not feeling well" to me is a euphemism for "my Parkinson's is full-bore bearing down on me and it is making it difficult to move."

The curse of this wretched disease is, I never know when it will affect me. This morning my whole left side is stiff and shaky, and the sinemet I swallowed at 8 and again at 9 is not helping. My fine motor skills are ok this morning, strangely enough. There are some times when I cannot get my left hand to type, and this is very frustrating for this writer. But my body is aching in its forced rest; it feels like I am fighting myself.

Just this past month I have noticed a tremor in my left jaw which just bothers the hell out of my vanity. I mean, who wants to love or be friends with someone who is shaky or 'funny looking'?

And so I hide it and I 'pass' as normal. I fight it tooth and nail, the warrior in me challenged to the max. I play soccer and I force my body through the mundane tasks we all usually take for granted: emptying the dishwasher, folding the clothes, making the bed, feeding the cat, braiding the youngest's hair, driving the teen to an errand.

But every moment of every day, asleep and awake, it is with me. I live life as though there were no tomorrow, for I just cannot one can...the progression of this stupid condition.

It makes me furious, it makes me fiercely protective of things that matter to me, it makes me rant and cry and emote because I do not ever know when I will not 'feel well.'

And you know, the fact is, none of us can predict the future nor control anything about our lives. We think we can, but we cannot.

It is in the surrender that we find action and peace.

rm_grzulu 49M

8/10/2006 9:14 pm

PD is indeed a wretched disease. My father has it and is in an advanced state. My thoughts go out to you as you live with it.

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