A Year Ago  

heavenly_body39 60F
740 posts
10/25/2005 6:39 am

Last Read:
3/21/2006 11:02 pm

A Year Ago

I left, packing a suitcase while my girls were in school, shaking so hard that I could not fold the clothes, thrown in randomly. I took my favorite ones, my beautiful lingerie I had been quietly stashing, my soccer gear, my webcam and laptop.

It was a cool, dark day and I was in so much pain and grief that I could barely walk upright. Yet, I left with some resolve, an unseen force propelling me into the next stage of my life. I was leaving a large, beautiful home, two gorgeous children, and a distant, confused man and taking a huge leap over a morass teeming with fearful, swarming unknown terrors.

There was clearly no room for me there, anymore. I had returned from Italy with a sense of possibility in my future and I felt dead, stifled, judged and patronized in this home.

But letting go and making that blind leap was the hardest thing I have ever done. I left for no man; no soft cushion to nestle my fall, and in a sense, I am still falling. But day by day I wake up knowing I am free to choose my destiny.

For those of you who are stuck in fear, as I was: go ahead, leap, you will find your way.

"Everything is okay in the end....if it's not okay, it's not the end."

rm_anacortes 74M
2850 posts
10/25/2005 1:42 pm

Very brave words dear.. and your step alone over the abyss took huge courage.. YOU ARE COMMENDED IN MY EYES..

Now, when things seem tough.. go within.. know that you are a goddess of perhaps major untapped energy.. that this energy has been a gift to you and cannot be taken away.. try to find more and more ways to tap this deep eternal flame..


two41and14two 55M/49F

10/25/2005 3:10 pm

good advice

tillerbabe 55F

10/25/2005 9:07 pm

Really nice...there are many "stuck" in fear - your stroy will help them...as for you?
You may Freefall for awhile longer..then you'll FLY! {=}

kokpelli_999 61M

10/26/2005 10:52 am

Is it possible the end is the beginning? What we often fear is the end is in reality the beginning. The realization we have a choice and the best choice takes the most courage because of the uncertainties involved. The distance you were feeling from the man was evidently painful. But the comforts you felt no longer made the pain bearable. It sounds like the Italian experience put you in touch with yourself. It made you aware of the joys life had to offer. Did that give you courage to jump?

Live on Heavenly! It's only been a year.

tigerdickaches 62M

10/30/2005 11:39 am

"When one door closes, another opens". My thoughts and prayers for a hppy landing!


heyokamystic 61M
7 posts
11/16/2005 11:33 pm

"Everything will be okay in the end....if it's not okay, it's not the end."

Geez, where'd ya get that from? (hehehe)

My fave (as you know), one I have posted here before for a friend of yours, and now, dear lady, dear friend, for you:
"Barn's burnt down. Now I can see the moon."

A Sufi teacher I know loves to talk about jumping into the crucible, into the fire, to find renewal. This year of fiery rebirth has made you a delicious woman. Independant. Self-determining. Strong. And still growing, stretching, stumbling...

Namaste, indeed!

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