A Spider in her Web  

heavenly_body39 60F
740 posts
9/3/2005 12:15 pm

Last Read:
9/3/2006 9:59 am

A Spider in her Web

"She lies in wait...til she is pursued...then she runs, allowing only a few to catch her..."

Someone described me this way recently. It initially amused me, then I realized that at least some part of it rang true.

I do adore being pursued by intensely bold, masculine, confident men. I think this may well be because of some vestiges of marriage to a sexually timid man. In any case, give me a lover who knows what he wants (me) and knows how to act on it!

The part that does not feel right in the above description of me is the implied 'manipulation' or 'game-playing'. If this is a game I play, it has not been a conscious one.

And, I suppose there are those lucky few who do get to 'catch me'...

two41and14two 55M/49F

9/5/2005 2:10 pm

Hmm, 55 views now and no comments. I didn't know how to reply when I read your post a couple days ago. It left me thinking about what I want in a relationship.... I don't think I want to be pursued. I want to be cherished; but then I think I have that now, yet it is not what I want. Do I want to be cherished and loved according to my own rules; again, I don't think that is what I want either. I guess, that besides being loved, I want someone who shares my values that I can talk to, who makes me think and makes me feel that I have some merit. I have heard it said, many times, that no one can make you feel a certain way, but I have experienced the fact that there are some people that I laugh with, explore my spirituality with, who make me feel whole. There are other people who I have simply known maybe a little too long for my own good, who, like that box of "fruit loops" in the cupboard I keep eating until I am sick.

two41and14two 55M/49F

9/5/2005 2:36 pm

well, you know me. hard for me to read a post without wanting to add a quote. so, here is a section from the well known book, "Mere Christianity" by CS Lewis.
...afterall, we are here on AdultFriendFinder, somewhat out of the mainstream, searching? or being pursued? in terms of sexuality.

"...You can get a large audience together for a strip-tease act---that is, to watch a girl undress on the stage. Now suppose you came to a country where you could fill a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate onto the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let every one see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a mutton chop or a bit of bacon, would you not think that in that country something had gone wrong with the appetite for food? And would not anyone who had grown up in a different world think there was something equally queer about the state of sex instinct among us?
One critic said that if he found a country in which such strip-tease acts with food were popular, he would conclude that the people of that country were starving. He meant, of course, to imply that such things as the strip-tease resulted not from sexual corruption but from sexual starvation......"

so heavenly, i understand your wanting to be pursued, the thought of your body quenching men's appetites, and yet, when it comes down to your being a mutton chop in front of a starving crowd, I am not surprised that you give yourself up to the one man who is not truly hungry for you. really, do you have any choice?

two41and14two 55M/49F

9/5/2005 2:47 pm

badboy, what u write rings so true for me. I have always cherished what i have, but i also have a great fear of change. I am trying to get over the belief that what the future holds is more miserable than what i have. I am a living example of the physics quote "an object at rest tends to stay at rest. but i believe there are better things in store for you. I am reading the Joal Osteen book, "your best life now" Should I bore you with a story from that book as well?

two41and14two 55M/49F

9/5/2005 3:15 pm

for those of you who don't want another quote, skip this. For badboy, here it is anyway, lol
“Years ago, a famous golfer was invited by the king of Saudi Arabia to play in a golf tournament. He accepted the invitation, and the king flew his private jet over to the United States to pick up the pro. They played golf for several days, and enjoyed a good time. As the golfer was getting on the plane to return to the United States, the king stopped him and said, “I want to give you a gift for coming all this way and making this time so special. Anything you want. What could I get you?”
Ever the gentleman, the golfer replied, “Oh please; don’t get me anything. You’ve been a gracious host. I’ve had a wonderful time. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
The king was adamant. He said, “No, I insist on giving you something so you will always remember your journey to our country.”
When the golfer realized that the king was resolute, he said, “Okay, fine. I collect golf clubs. Why don’t you give me a golf club?”
He boarded the plane, and on his flight back home, he couldn’t help wondering what kind of golf club the king might give to him. He imagined that it might be a solid gold putter with his name engraved on it. Or maybe it would be a sand wedge studded with diamonds and jewels. After all, this would be a gift from the oil-rich king of Saudi Arabia.
When the golfer got home, he watched the mail and the delivery services every day, to see if his golf club had come yet. Finally, several weeks later, he received a certified letter from the king of Saudi Arabia. The U.S. professional thought that rather strange. “Where’s my golf club?” he wondered. He opened the envelope, and to his surprise, inside he discovered a deed to a five-hundred-acre golf course in America.
…Sometimes kings think differently than you and I think. And friend, we serve the King of kings. We serve the Most High God, and His dream for your life is so much bigger and better than you can imagine. It’s time to enlarge your vision!

heavenly_body39 60F
157 posts
9/6/2005 6:49 am

Whether it be God or a higher plane of consciousness we seek, I agree, it is important to at least be aware that huge things await us if we but take that leap of Faith. You have to let go of the rocks you cling to, in order to jump...

two41and14two 55M/49F

9/6/2005 1:08 pm

ty for the reply, heavenly. i do love those rocks.
this summer, i took a long drive (seattle to la) and stopped at a deserted beach (lake shasta) both on the way down and on the way back. I sat on the rocky shore to take a break from my driving. drank a couple beers, ate a sandwich and chips, basked in the sun. Normally that is all i would have done... but fortunately i'd been listening to keney chesney "there's a lota things id do different" in the car... against my better judgement (lifeguard that in am, i know better than to swim alone) and dreading the initial cool shock of the water, I swam... those swims were the most memerable moments of my trip. I'm glad i took that leap of faith. I am trying, in my life, not to hold so tight to those warm rocks, to make the tenderfooted, tentative walk into the water so that i can be enveloped by its sweet embrace......On the otherhand.. a few yrs ago, I jumped from a thirty foot platform (that may not sound high... but that is like jumping off a three story building)... this at the completion of a lifeguard challege course, a very safe situation, lots of emps, lol, yet i hit the water just a little wrong and my back gave out the next day (for the first time) i am trying to open myself up to the universe, but yes, it does take faith, that i'll admit i don't yet have

two41and14two 55M/49F

9/6/2005 1:11 pm


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