Guilt
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Publicado en:29 Septiembre 2005 7:52 am
Última actualización en:21 Marzo 2006 11:15 pm 1359 vistas
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Is always there, in the corners, lurking. I ignore its evil, unwanted, presence by moving, dancing, talking, chatting, fucking. All of this has an 'edge' or bite to it when guilt stops lurking and comes out of the shadows into my conscious mind.
Guilt, self-defeating emotion, ranks up there with jealousy on my list of useless, wasted mind energy.
Yet its presence in my heart cuts especially when I stop running and start listening.
Yet I dance around it, busying myself with another demanding day and it fades back into the manageable shadows, again.
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My Body
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Publicado en:28 Septiembre 2005 10:38 am
Última actualización en:6 Abril 2006 5:25 pm 1123 vistas
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has an incredibly strong spirit but some days it just feels as though it hasn't enough energy to get up, out, and into the world.
This morning is one of those times. I know I must get to work; people are waiting and yet I feel so nauseated and fatigued that when I try to stand up another wave of wooziness hits me and I head to the toilet. It is caused by the many medications I am required to take to deal with a chronic condition.
It pervades some days; I fight it tooth and nail, every day of my life. Most days I win through sheer strength of mind over body; other days I have no choice but surrender to its hateful, suffocating grip. I hate this disease; I hate it with all my heart and mind and soul; and I pray, someday, that there be a cure.
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So on it Goes...
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Publicado en:27 Septiembre 2005 7:08 am
Última actualización en:21 Marzo 2006 11:16 pm 1268 vistas
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I am up early to attend a meeting which will require a fair amount of alertness. I chased Sleep down last night, and won, for the most part. I am a cuddle bug by nature and I miss his solid, immoveable presence in my bed.
When he drifts off, I am usually on his back having massaged him...then I fall asleep with my full weight on him. It is one of the advantages of being so small...and he too seems comforted by my weight...slight but powerful.
Grant me patience and smooth sailing throughout this busy, demanding day!
Readers, thanks so much for your wonderful comments!
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Chasing Sleep
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Publicado en:26 Septiembre 2005 11:39 pm
Última actualización en:21 Marzo 2006 11:17 pm 1315 vistas
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My sleeping 'hygiene' could use some concentrated effort. It seems as though there are so many other, better things to do with my time than wasting it in sleep. Still and all, I know sleep is important to good health.
I sometimes, however, fall asleep in my bed, mid sentence in a chat room or instant message box. Waking up as many as 30 minutes later, I think how strange and addictive this medium is.
I think a cuddly, sweet-smelling, quiet bed partner might just change my poor habits! MMM give me peaceful rock a bye sex any night!
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I would Love to make a Video
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Publicado en:24 Septiembre 2005 7:40 am
Última actualización en:3 Septiembre 2006 9:57 am 1442 vistas
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One of these days or nights I would love to shoot a video. I have done some modeling but there is something about a video cam going that arouses me...like when I turn on my webcam.
Is it possible to find a camera man who would not want to join in? yummm...now *there's* another fantasy...,,,,
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Honesty in Blogs
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Publicado en:23 Septiembre 2005 5:59 am
Última actualización en:21 Marzo 2006 11:19 pm 1345 vistas
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I think the beauty of this, and other blogs, is their raw honesty. I maintain, as best I can, anonymity, for the very purpose of being honest and authentic. I realize there are a few who know me but are learning more from reading my blogs. Others may recognize themselves in these entries and become uncomfortable.
This is NOT my intent...my intent is to quite selfishly write out my feelings and tell stories that I hope entertain my readers. If I had to censor myself in any huge way this blog would no longer accomplish its goal of full disclosure.
I hope to be able to keep using this blog as a tool in my toolbox for moving forward with clarity in my life, as a means of artistic expression, and as a way to exorcise some demons.
And you...my readers...are part of my journey.
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A Morning in Bed
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Publicado en:22 Septiembre 2005 6:45 pm
Última actualización en:21 Marzo 2006 11:20 pm 1420 vistas
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So, I marked my first day as a single woman in bed with my two favorite lovers. She is gorgeous; he is yummy, together as a unit we are remarkable. This morning they made me their focus; I greedily took their attention like a starving child.
I came with him inside me, his voice calling urgently in my ear...Eros is alive and well, and I am so damn fortunate to be worshipping at her altar.
I celebrate my hard-earned freedom today!
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I am Taking Back my Life
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Publicado en:21 Septiembre 2005 7:40 pm
Última actualización en:21 Marzo 2006 11:20 pm 1338 vistas
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As of two o'clock this afternoon, I am once again a single woman.
What a strange way to end a 17 year marriage...guess there is no *good* way to mark its final stage.
And so, as my dear friend said to me today..."it's your life now, babe...no one else's...go celebrate."
And so I will...
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Masculinity
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Publicado en:21 Septiembre 2005 6:49 am
Última actualización en:21 Marzo 2006 11:20 pm 1420 vistas
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He is unabashedly, unapologetically male and I find this so incredibly attractive. But, there is a flip side to this that manifests itself in behaviors that are not so wonderful, such as being too aggressive, too easily angered, too easily distracted by that attractive female walking by.
I have heard men say, "she brings out my masculinity ; makes me feel like a MAN," and i am curious about this...
What do you think, male readers, about 'masculinity'? Do you take it for granted, or are you aware of it and perhaps cultivate it? Are there certain situations where you feel more masculine?
Or am I asking silly questions this morning?
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Kick-Ass Cowboy Boots
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Publicado en:20 Septiembre 2005 7:59 pm
Última actualización en:21 Marzo 2006 11:21 pm 1435 vistas
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Well two pairs of boots arrived today from the online company I ordered them from.
One pair is black, with basic tooling. The other is this most amazing pair of black boots with intricate blue stitching, a blue toe cap and awesome heel. The latter pair cost two and half times as much as the basic black ones...
Guess which ones I am going to keep??
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Jealousy
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Publicado en:19 Septiembre 2005 7:37 am
Última actualización en:13 Junio 2006 6:06 pm 1512 vistas
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I am considering what a girlfriend and I discussed on Saturday night after I returned from a club with my guy.
She said, 'I'm not sure I could be a swinger...I'm a jealous type of person.' I agreed that it is not easy for me, at all.
So I am wondering in this swinging world, how do people manage their feelings of jealousy? When in a public chat room, do you see evidence of former lovers pursuing new partners, and feel jealous?
How do you trust anyone on this site? How do you overcome feelings of possessiveness and jealousy with your current partners?
I really want to know how men and women do this...
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My Sensuous BJ
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Publicado en:18 Septiembre 2005 10:06 am
Última actualización en:26 Abril 2006 10:25 am 1405 vistas
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We were naked in a public hottub at a swing club. Feelings between us were a bit frayed as we had just had an emotionally-charged discussion on the drive there. We had not yet re-established our amazing physical/mental connection.
While in the tub, we were joined by another couple. She had short, pixie-like hair, pleasant smile, nice body. His body was trim, lean, muscular.
We chatted superficially, only briefly. My guy got up out of the tub to sit on the edge facing the couple across the tub from us. I sat in the tub, my arm and face resting on his left knee. His soft cock looked sweet and warm and lovely. I began to get ideas...
...at the same time he did. "Should I?" I asked him . "It's up to you," he answered. I thought to myself...why not? and began teasing him visually by slowly opening my mouth and holding out my tongue as I crouched at his knee. We all watched his cock grow hard at the sight of my willing mouth. His lovely, lovely cock began to dance with my outstretched tongue.
I then began tenderly, lovingly sucking and tonguing his cock, pulling him into my mouth as deeply as I could and alternating this by cupping and flicking his balls with my tongue. I gently sucked each ball into my mouth, and with light suction pulled back until it popped out from between my moist lips.
My movements were slow and languid, but enthusiastic and wet. I adored his cock with my tongue, deeply sucking and purring, looking up to watch him watch me. I varied my movements, aware of the throbbing pulse of his very hard cock in my mouth. I went as deeply as I could, shaking my head to take him in deeper, my hands on his knees.I love to hear his breathing catch, then quicken. I could hear the couple begin to react, moving to position themselves better and remarking how erotic it was to watch.
The female half of the couple finally slid over and asked if I would like some help. I looked up at my guy to request the permission I knew I would get. She then very gracefully joined me side by side at his knees as we seamlessly took turns sucking, tonguing, licking his balls, taking him in deeply, hungrily, wetly. The male half, watching avidly, remarked that my guy seemed to have won the lottery that day, to which he agreed.
But because there was another male to attend to, we slowed our actions. I turned around in the hottub to playfully call out 'next'! intending to move to the other male with his partner. To my surprise, I discovered three additional men who had somehow joined the tub while I had been occupied. They all leapt up hopefully as the rest of us laughed in amusement at my complete focus.
I adore cock but am hopelessly addicted to his.
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The Most Sensuous BJ
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Publicado en:16 Septiembre 2005 6:58 pm
Última actualización en:8 Abril 2006 3:33 pm 1447 vistas
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What was the most sensuous blowjob you've ever had...men?
Women...what was the most sensuous one you have ever given?
I will describe one in detail after hearing from you.
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