"Judge Not Lest ye be Judged"  

heavenly_body39 60F
740 posts
10/1/2005 7:40 am

Last Read:
3/21/2006 11:14 pm

"Judge Not Lest ye be Judged"

I'm not sure how others have reacted to this:

I went to a Korean women's bathhouse yesterday with a dear friend whom I have known for over 20 years. She too is going through a divorce but is on a different page than I. She is experiencing many of the same emotions I am but unlike me is allowing herself no distractions. She is mired in her muck although has indicated she would like to have more fun. At this point, fun for her involves activities she does with her teenaged daughter.

She mentioned a lack of confidence and insecurity. But what I noticed most of all was a lack of 'juiciness'. My friend has little juice coming into her life, and she is becoming a bit like a husk. We have discussed ways to let some in; she is reticent, 'not ready', she says

She looks at me and questions my diversions; knows only part of what I do but views me with a mixture of intrigue and disapproval. She is outside the realm of most of my activities these days; she knows nothing of my swing club, the wetspot, my experiences in broadening my sexual horizons. And although it consumes my energy aside from work and mothering, I find myself keeping quiet because, unlike me, she is no Slut and has no idea nor inclination in wanting to be.

So I now have this whole life which I protect. It creates more of that 'alter ego' dissonance I so disliked when married.

Readers, I'm interested in your perspective on this: do you find you are met with disapproval or misgivings by friends who do not understand your juicy need to explore, grow?

ahughjardon 61
56 posts
10/1/2005 12:54 pm

Hello Heavenly, I've been divorced about a year and have also been trying to broaden my sexual horizons which were horribly limited in my marriage! I'd appreciate hearing more about the wetspot. T o tell the truth, I've only discussed my new experiences with friends whom I am sure would appreciate them. It's fine to share your juicy need to explore and grow, it's also fine to be choosy with whom you share them. Ahugh

heavenly_body39 60F
157 posts
10/1/2005 2:47 pm

But, ahugh, she has been my best friend and confidant! If I can't share with her...?? sigh...

rm_anacortes 74M
2850 posts
10/1/2005 3:47 pm

Who are you trying to protect?

Do you fear you will loose your "best friend" if you are you?

Do you want to protect your image with her?

Is she interested in you as a human?

You mention Korean bath house.. is she 'asian"?

Do you fear you might be misunderstood?

Oh dear.. how messy life can get eh?


tillerbabe 56F

10/1/2005 9:24 pm


Guess what.....I've always done exactly what I wanted...(does that surprise you? <grin>

I don't "offer up " information, but I don't hide it either, sometimes I even challenge people to "judge" me.....

This way, I get the truest of friends.....they know me.....I hide nothing....and they don't judge - it 'weeds out' the morons.

It is a scarey step - not for everyone - but if I made decisions on what people think of me, I wouldn't be where I am now....and I am very happy with that.

This is what it comes down to for me:
Are you a "nice" person?
Do you appreciate life?
Are you humble with your "gifts"?
Will you stretch out your hand to someone different than you?
Do you seperate yourself from "mean", negative discouraging people?
Do you "try" the best you can to be a good person?
Do you judge?

This is what matters to me.....everything else is just "fluff" - good or bad...

Know what? I love you.

rm_vipercb 41M
101 posts
10/2/2005 3:51 am

don't do it. don't let them know for even when they say "it's ok I still like you" they don't. They talk to everyone else and then all will judge you. You'll go to a party of theirs and everyone there will think less of you just keep your secrets to your self...but I could be wrong. I have never know what it's like to be loved, was to afaird of the answers to my questions. I mean what if she said "yes" what the hell was I to do then. hope I could help if not sorry for wasting you time.

rm_4nik8_4u 61M
2501 posts
10/2/2005 5:38 am

If you're worried about what your friend will think of you if you confided in her then I think you are not 100% okay with your situation. I don't think you are trying to protect her as much as yourself.

I'm getting hungry, is it lunchtime yet?

grino3 42M
17 posts
10/2/2005 2:46 pm

Whats holding you back from being completely who you are,,,,with all the facets,,,No holding back,,no half truths in your conversation with friends,,,,just let go and live the real life you have chosen right now and dont look back,,Or are you ashamed in somepart of you of what your dearest friends might think.......You seem at least in your blog,,, What do they say,,,Balls to the wall kind of gal,,,But if there is a widening cravase,,,,,,maybe you have to rethink your direction,,,,,

heavenly_body39 60F
157 posts
10/2/2005 5:37 pm

nope, i have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. my direction is my path and sometimes the signs are obscured. she may well not understand me, but i know, KNOW that this is the way i wish to be. she knows it to be the authentic me. it was just so obvious that we are on completely different pages at this point. i process my life's meat/muck in bites...she wallows. neither way is right or wrong, just different.

if my blog seems apologetic or ashamed, it is not meant to be...simply sad that i can not be open as i like with her...

two41and14two 55M/49F

10/14/2005 9:39 am

i know what u mean... i have a dear, longtime friend, to whom i don't share my AdultFriendFinder adventures.... i just know she wouldn't understand and don't want to risk the friendship.

i believe the same rule follows for telling a spouse about an indiscretion in a monogomous relationship... it is much more loving to keep it to yourself

on a more general not though... friends fill different needs... and i don't talk to my friends about the same stuff....

one friend doesn't want to hear me go on and on about my daughter, as she doesn't have children herself.... while with another, its our favorite topic of conversation.

with another friend we talk about art, paint together, etc... while others wouldn't have any idea about what i was talking about

with my sister we share childhood tragedies that we would tell to no others

with my daughter i ask about her life

with another friend i talk about religion, about spirituality

then there are the friends i love to spend an afternoon in bed with

i think it is nice that you are a friend to her, and can listen, be with her, without turning the attention to yourself. that takes a lot of commendable restraint.

on a lighter note... i would have liked to have listened to a whole lot fewer conversations about jeeps, dirt bikes etc, lol.

not everone is interested in the same thing... takes a conscientious person like you to recognize that

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