The Flying Dutchman - First Time With a Gay Guy  

header1979 37M
404 posts
6/10/2006 1:02 pm

Last Read:
8/12/2006 7:08 pm

The Flying Dutchman - First Time With a Gay Guy

This blog is an article that I originally posted in the magazine over a year ago. I posted it twice. The first post had to be taken down because I mentioned the name of a specific airline which could have led to the identity of the gay guy involved. It was a very popular article and, between the two postings, it had over 6,000 views.

It describes my first sexual experience with a guy as an adult. Those of you who don't like to read about man-on-man sex can skip this one. I am posting the article as a comment, so only those who want to read it will see it.

For the record, this month I will have gone an entire year without sucking a cock. As I get further away from the loss of my wife and am coping with it better, my heterosexual straight sex drive is kicking into high gear. It takes too much time and effort to find the right guy to have sex with and I am spending so much time with women that I don't have the time for men anymore. And I don't feel a need to have sex with men anymore. I don't regret any sex that I had with other guys and did enjoy them and the sex very much. But I have found that sex with men is not what I want to do with my life.

I still like talking with bisexual guys and straight guys about bisexual experience. I learn a lot from these chats and this is the only place that I have to talk about these things.

So if you want to know how I got picked up and something about how it feels for the first time having sex with a guy, read my article, The Flying Dutchman - First Time With a Gay Guy

header1979 37M
507 posts
6/10/2006 1:10 pm

The Flying Dutchman - First Time With a Gay Guy

Unless you are a bisexual or gay man, you might want to pass
this article by since it just might gross you out. But for
those of you who like this kind of stuff, read on. This article
was originally written as an email to one of my AdultFriendFinder
chat buddies. He thought it was so hot that he got off on it!
I don’t know if it would have that effect on anyone else but
it might be worth sharing. This is about my first time having
sex with a gay guy - a Dutch boy.

All my life, I have been a good looking hot buff stud. with
boyish good looks. I have a slender muscular body like a
swimmer or a gymnast. I was very good runner on the tract
team and very competitive on the swim team. I took very good
care of my body and was attractive to both men and women.
In high school, I had done some experimenting and had given
some guys blow jobs but wasn’t really into gay sex at all.
The guys I was involved with were athletes also. We always
thought of ourselves as straight. One of the guys was the
captain of the football team and the other was class president.
In college, gays would hit on me a lot but I really wasn't
interested. At that time of my life I was devoted to getting
as much pussy as I could. So much pussy - so little time!

The gay guy that I hooked up with was a flight attendant.
He was good looking and looked and acted masculine. I don't
cruise looking for guys to hook up with and wasn't looking
for sex with a guy when I met this guy. At that time, I was strictly
into women. He was the one hitting on me. We both were staying
at the same hotel in Germany near the airport. I was waiting
for a friend to arrive from the US and we were going to travel
in Europe. I had gone down to the fitness center to swim and
went into the sauna. He was already in the sauna. After awhile
he struck up a conversation by saying something to me like
how hot it was and how good the heat felt. He started a conversation
and I just talked with him. I had no idea that he was hitting
on me. I never saw it coming! I was pretty young and naive
about these things. After awhile he just walked over to
me with a damn big erection and asked if I would like to come
up to his room to get to know each other better! I was stunned
when he said this because I hadn't been thinking about
anything like this at all. I then gave him a good look and
thought he looked good and I knew by that time that he worked
for an airline and he was originally from Holland. And we
were staying in a very upscale hotel so I felt pretty safe
with meeting people. So I said to myself "What the
hell! I might as well see what is going to happen!"
I have always been an adventuresome person and like to try
new things - so I went to his room.

I had gone to my room first to change into dry clothes and
by the time I got to his room he was in one of those terry cloth
bathrobes that hotels provide. After I came into the room,
he came over to me while I was standing and stood close directly
in front me and started telling me how good looking I was
and what a great body I had and began slowly undressing me.
This had never happened to me before with a guy and I was really
getting turned on. I had never had a guy want my body in this
way. I had always been the one to do things to a guy and this
was really wild to have a guy wanting to do something with
me. All the guys I had gone down on were straight and weren't
too interested in much else other than getting a blow job.
Besides I loved women fawning all over my body so it seemed
like a very natural prelude to sex.

He gently slid his hands all over my body as he removed my
shirt and then unbuttoned and slid my pants down and I stepped
out of them and the flip-flops I was wearing. I wasn't
wearing any underwear so I was standing there completely
naked. I felt good standing there naked with him admiring
my body. It was a real rush. (I am a very vain bastard!) He
dropped his bathrobe and gently grabbed my dick, which
by that time was standing straight up as hard as a dick can
get and he started stroking it and then finally started
sucking. One wall of the hotel room had a large mirror. I
could see myself standing there naked getting a blow job.
That really turned me on! After awhile, I was getting weak
and he pulled me over on the bed and got on top of me and started
kissing me all over my body and stroking my dick. I was going
out of my mind! I could feel his hard dick pressing against
my body so I reached down and started stroking his dick.

He got us into the 69 position and he started sucking my cock
and I started sucking his. He was a European guy and was uncut
so this was a turn on for me. Since I was born in the US and was
cut at birth, I had no idea how sensual an uncut dick felt.
The movement of the foreskin over the head and the thin skin
sliding gently over the hard body of a dick was something
I had never experienced. I sucked him off but he finally
had to do a hand job to get me off. (I have always been hard
to get off on a blow job. It has only happened once and that
was with a woman.) We were both wasted after that and both
of us just lay there naked holding each other while calming
down. That was a first for me and a mind blowing experience.

Afterwards, I asked why he approached me in the sauna. Wasn't
he afraid of having the shit kicked out of him? He told me
that he knew that I would not be violent and felt that I would
be willing to do this. I asked him how he knew that. He said
that in talking to me he had a sense that I might get involved
because I talked so naturally and without any appearance
about being uptight about talking to a naked stranger in
a sauna. Wow! And I hadn't even given it a thought. I
guess that gay men have an instinct for this sort of thing.
They spend their lives hitting on men for a pick up so they
have to know what they are doing. I guess the lesson of the
story is don't talk freely with naked men in a sauna
unless you want to be picked up.

So that was my first and only experience with a gay man. He
was admittedly gay and not bisexual since he told me that
he had no interest in women and, because he was good looking,
he had a problem fending off women. It is inconceivable
to me that a man would not want to have sex with a woman but
I guess that is what differentiates gays from other men.

It was from him that I learned how sensual it is to undress
a guy and is why I now like doing that before giving a guy a
blow job. I had never done 69 with a man before.

What was wild about this is that we were total strangers
in a foreign country having sex in a hotel room and didn't
even know each other's name! Now that is NOT safe sex!
But back then, I was younger and reckless and didn’t think
about HIV at the time. In hindsight what made that even more
dangerous is that I have read that medical authorities
have traced all HIV infections in the US back to one Canadian
male airline flight attendant! And there I was shacking
up in a hotel with a male airline flight attendant that I
didn't even know! While that was a great experience,
it was also very dangerous and I am lucky that I did not die
as a result of that adventure! Whew!

I have always carried that experience in my mind. I guess
we always remember first times. I will always remember
my Dutch Treat!

Hippink 35F
4499 posts
6/10/2006 8:52 pm

Thanks for sharing!

I have to agree with him about being able to "tell" about people being receptive to something. I can often tell if a guy would be bi or not. I remember seeing a guy's face pic while cruising profiles, so I took a shot at him and winked. The profile said NOTHING about him being bi, nor did it indicate that he's "very open-minded" in the written profile as many bi-men who state they are straight will do. He just had a "look" about him. As it turned out, I was right.

Pretty much any man who clicks on the "straight" category, but states he's "open-minded" means he's at least orally bi.

I wonder if I could tell out in the real world for sure? Sometimes, I'll look at a man and immediately KNOW he's gay, sometimes bi.

Thanks again for sharing.
Any chance you could show us pics of you in a 69 with a guy?
Hippie XXX

8324 posts
6/18/2006 4:17 am

What made you come to the conclusions that having sex with men is not what you want to do with your life, Header?

It's seems to you have proclivities towards being bisexual.

Is that something you really just turn off?

The reason I ask is, if you were giving guys head in high school and seemed to like it, what made you suddenly decide to just stop now?

I think external pressures have something to do with it, just not sure what specifically.

Your justifications just seem a bit too convenient...


"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur

header1979 37M
507 posts
6/18/2006 10:35 am

Hey Div,

Thanks for asking this. It is complicated and not something that I fully understand myself. I think that the bisexual proclivities will always be there to the extent that I have not developed a strong aversion to sex with guys.

I think this goes back to my pre-teen and early teen-life in which an initiation rite involved putting a guys dick in your mouth for the count of sixty. The older boys made the younger boys do this to be part of the "gang." It really was abuse and a sick thing to do but growing up you don't always have the sense to figure these things out. There was the peer pressure of being excluded if you didn't do it. Later, in high school the two guys that I was involved with both had gone through this initiation too. In high school, it was more fooling around rather than a turn-on. So I think this may have became associated with friendship in my mind.

In college, I had no desire to have sex with men. It wasn't until I was picked up by the airline flight attendant on a trip to Europe that I discovered what sex with men really felt like. It was something I will never forget. Later, in the Army I developed a close relationship with an Army buddy. He became my best buddy and best friend and it eventually developed into having sex. There was a very strong bond that neither of us really understood. I was chatting with a guy on this website awhile back. He didn't know about my Army buddy. But in the course of conversation, he mentioned that his brother was a psychiatrist who worked with veterans. He said something that really hit home to me. He said that the military bond is one of the strongest feelings that a guy will ever have. You are willing to give your life to save your buddy's life. A lot of guys don't know how to handle this intense bond. It is not a sexual bond. When they get out of the Army they no longer have this intense bond with anyone and it creates a sense of loss. Among other things, it causes problems in marriages because the feeling is even stronger than the bond that they feel in a marriage and they begin to feel that something is wrong in their marriage. As a psychiatrist, he has helped guys understand the military bond and get things into perspective. After hearing this, I think I understand what was happening between my Army buddy and me. The bond between us developed into a closer relationship and we crossed a line that not many soldiers cross.

We both realized that we were into something that neither of us fully realized what it was. We both knew that we could not continue doing what we were doing. When we left the Army and went to different parts of the country to live, that provided a convenient break point. We remained friends but returned to a straight lifestyle and both of us eventually got married.

After I left the Army I never thought about or wanted to have sex with men. I soon met the woman who was to be my wife. I was never so happy and fulfilled and in love. I never thought about having sex with anyone else - man or woman. My wife was everything to me, lover, friend, confident, soul mate. I never felt like such a complete person before. And then in a tragic instant, it was all gone. I am not going to go into the details because it was in the newspapers and I have a lot people and relationships to protect beside myself.

In going through this loss, I didn't have a close friend to talk to about my feelings. I wanted to be with my Army buddy but I couldn't risk rekindling things between us. He was married and had a kid. I know that he would be there for me but I couldn't risk doing anything that could hurt his marriage and his life. So I just sucked it up and tried to deal with it. The hardest thing was realizing that there was no hope for my wife's recovery recovery and that I had to get a divorce to move on with my life and provide for her care. It really feels like shit to divorce a woman that you are still in love with. This is one of the things that has made it hard for me to develop a relationship with another woman. I have been told that I have to let go. I am letting go. It is happening. But it doesn't happen over night.

I accidentally came across this website while doing an internet search on subject entirely unrelated to sex. I still don't know why this website popped up on the hit list. I joined, just for the hell of it, not thinking that I would ever hook up with anyone through the internet. I posted a hot bisexual profile and the offers came pouring in. I eventually narrowed it down to two guys in the Washington, DC area. We eventually met and had a good time. But it just was not the same as with my Army buddy. At that time I did not know about the possible role of the military bond in my feelings. There was nothing wrong with these guys. One of them was a straight Hispanic guy experimenting. The other seemed to be a committed bisexual. The sex felt good but there was an emptiness to it. It didn't feel the way things felt with my Army buddy. I now realize that I was trying to recreate what I had with my Army buddy. To have a close friend who I could share my feelings with and provide me some comfort in my loss.

After I found out about the military bond, it became clear to me what was happening. I would never again have what I had with my Army buddy. After hooking up with these two guys, the passion to have sex with guys just went away. It is not that I found it to be a bad experience, it is just that the desire to do it is gone.

On the Advice Line, a guy asked if others who had a sexual experience with a guy in the past and after many years had another experience and found that it was not as good as the previous experience. It was nice to know that others had this feeling also. I think I realize that what I had with my Army buddy may have been a once in a lifetime thing that can never be duplicated.

My primary sex drive has always been for women. The passion, feeling and emotional connection with women is something that you don't get with men. The sensuous feel of women is entirely different. Sex with men was nice but is no substitute for women. As I am getting over the loss of my wife. I am better able to establish an emotional connection with other women. Eventually, I will meet the right woman again and all this will become like a bad dream.

I am glad you asked about this. Although I owe no one an explanation for what I do, it gives me a chance to think through my life and choices. I have no place else to talk about my bisexual experiences except for this website. Chatting with guys by email or talking about my experience in the blogs and getting people's comments has been a big help to me. I have gotten a lot of insights from this. I think the people on the website that I have come to know have been a great benefit to me in learning more about myself.

I realize that I can't fully explain the complexities of what has led to my feelings. If you want to ask more about this, please do. The more I have to examine my life and feelings, the more insight I develop.

Life is a journey. We don't know where we are going or what will happen to us. I don't have all the answers. I am just trying to make the best of the journey.

Again, thanks for asking. I appreciate your concern and giving me the opportunity to talk about this.

Take it EZ.


8324 posts
6/18/2006 4:37 pm


My experience in the Army was not similar to yours.

I didn't not bond with many people, as there were many cliques and divisions. I was straight up with people, but it's no secret that I was not close to many.

I never came close to any of the sexual experiences you've had. Not even the thought.

It's my opinion that once you have the proclivity to dabble on that side, you have always had that tendency and will continue to have that tendency.

I don't see it as something you just turn off.

I don't think you are being completely honest with yourself, bro.


"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur

header1979 37M
507 posts
6/18/2006 7:43 pm

Hey DIV,

You are right that once you have the proclivity to dabble on that side, you have always had that tendency and will continue to have that tendency. The proclivity probably cannot be turned off. I don't have the strong aversion to doing it because I have done it and know what it is like.

But on the other hand I have no desire to do it any longer. There is a difference between having the proclivity to do something and the desire to actually do it. I just don't feel like actively trying to have sex with guys. I cannot see myself going through life getting involved in empty meaningless relationships. And that is what I have found that I was getting into.

I prefer the relationships that I have had with women and that is the only thing that I desire now.

You could be right and I may be fooling myself. But only time will tell. I have to take this one day at a time. I have now gone over a year without having sex with a guy and I don't miss it one bit. Since I don't have a strong aversion reaction to sex with guys, something may happen in the future and I will want to have sex with a guy again. I will deal with that when the time comes, if it ever comes.

Not many straight guys have had the sexual experience that I have had or even thought about it. That is the way it should be. I don't think every guy should do what I have done or want to it. It has been my experience and the result of choices that I have made. I can't change the past. You can't un-ring the bell.

Thanks for being straight up and honest with me. I appreciate it.

Take it EZ.


SensuousWoman3 55F
3106 posts
6/19/2006 8:37 pm

First of all, Header, loved the story! Great story! Definitely would have missed it in the magazine section. I am so glad you reposted it in your blog.

Second of all, thank you for your openness and your willingness to explore your sexuality through this venue. I have no doubt your exploration process has helped dozens of others deal with diverse facets of their sexuality. You consistently handle the ignorance and homophobia of others with the greatest of ease. If there is anyone who has a good handle on his sexuality, it is you, and you would be the last person on the face of this earth to exercise convenient justifications.

I find your military buddy experience and the observations of the psychiatrist who works with veterans to be most intriguing. The bonds that remain unspoken. I think it would be thrilling, albeit explosive, if that particular psychiatrist ever reported his findings. He’d probably have to leave the United States.

Years and years ago, Shere Hite, in The Hite Report on Male Sexuality, published men’s experiences with bisexuality. Some were clearly gay men stuck in the societal expectations of men and marriage and scared to death to step outside the mechanism for all the obvious reasons. Other happily married men spoke of occasional meetings with a life long buddy for sexual encounters. I need to go dig up that book and take a second look at the buddy encounters.

I do have to chuckle at one thing I read in the Flying Dutchman (great title)---I reread it 2 or 3 times to see if I’d read it accurately. You see, all this time I thought you were uncircumcised! LMAO! Oh, brother!

header1979 37M
507 posts
6/20/2006 12:31 am

Hey SW3,

Thanks for commenting.

I hope that you are not disappointed that I am circumcised. Nothing I can do about it. lol I was the first one in the entire history my family ever to be circumcised. It wasn't done in Italy and Mexico where part of my family is from and the Irish and English part of my family didn't do it either. Some how or another my parents got the idea that it was an American thing to do and it was a fad around the time that I was born. I think I would just as soon not have had the honor. lol But like I always say, it is the skin attached to other end that counts - that is the guy himself.

I only got into that issue because I was stunned by the ignorant comments made on the Advice Line about guys with a foreskin. I never thought it made much of a difference to anyone until I joined this website and saw all the negative comments by people in the US about guys with natural cocks. I grew up in an international environment where guys with foreskins were not unusual. A large number, if not most, of my friends and all my relatives had foreskins. But until I was with the Dutch flight attendant, I never really knew how a foreskin felt and how different the feeling of a natural cock is. My Army buddy was uncircumcised and the two guys that I hooked up with on this website were uncircumcised. I think I got to know more about their foreskins than they did. lol

I know the things that were being said on the Advice Line about uncircumcised guys were untrue and I would really hate for any of my friends to be insulted that way. Since no one seemed to challenge the ignorance, I started doing it and now there are several others who will challenge the ignorance and insults also.

I did not mean to imply that the military bond is a gay thing or a sexual thing. It is a variation of the male hunting bond but is a much stronger bond. That is why a lot of guys don't know how to handle their feelings. For many guys, the military bond may be the first strong attachment they have ever had to a male outside their family. With the fear of being gay, it can be a scary thing. As for my buddy and I, what we did is not typical but it does happen sometimes. I think there is information about this in the public domain. I will see if I can find something on it.

As far as a convenient justification goes, I always have to be on guard that I am not fooling myself. There is so much that I don't know and I welcome challenges and questions to make sure that I understand myself better. That is one of the great benefits of this website. I chat with a lot of guys by email on this. The questions and comments, like DIV's, who I respect very much, help me get things in perspective and I really appreciate the comments.

Glad you enjoyed the story of my first sexual encounter with a guy as an adult. I enjoyed being in it. lol

Take it EZ.


smirkingdevil 48M
237 posts
7/5/2006 2:55 am

The title hints at the airline, no?

I didn't read the article, but you mentioned you had to take a previous post down due to the traceability to an airline. You don't have that problem now?

Just curious...

Hippink 35F
4499 posts
8/6/2006 8:46 am

The military bond... I see that as just a manly (ie: homophobic) way for men to cope with the fact they feel love for another man. Of course I understand that being in the military together and actually fighting and being put in the position of having to put your lives on the line for each other will create an extremely close bond... BUT...

What you're missing is that people are capable of falling in love with either sex. Most will never allow that, but some will have wonderful fulfilling relationships with either sex. The labels and need for classifying everything make people feel they have to chose one over the other. Live life as a hetero, or as a gay, but you can't have it both ways! That's ridiculous.

What you described was a lot like what happened in Brokeback Mountain. The two men bonded, much like you did. They fell in love, but refused to live their lives in that way, opting for a hetero life instead. I can't say that either was predominantly gay, as that wasn't really clear in the movie. You, I know are predominantly straight. But you fell in love with a man.

As for not wanting to have sex with men anymore, I understand that completely. Square stopped having the desire to see men alone a long time ago. He saw a man once in the time I was with him, but found he didn't want to do it again. I have always been bi-sexual, but my desire for women is definitely nowhere near as strong as it is for men. My first experience with a woman was 2 years ago. I've had extremely limited fun with women. I don't seek it out at all, but know that I most likely will again, or just take the opportunities as they come.

I don't think you're denying anything about your sexuality. You know you're still bi. You're just not actively pursuing men right now. You may again some day. There are men who get together with other men simply because they're easier to get into bed, and they need a release. You did it because you ENJOYED it.
Hippie XXX

marathonman45202 53M
6640 posts
8/12/2006 12:46 pm

Thanks for writing this, and for your additional comments. They bring back a lot of memories, not to mention a few new insights about myself.

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