Power Dating  

rm_harshawj 51M
761 posts
6/30/2005 6:25 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Power Dating

Here is what I mean by being a “Power Dater” (although the traditional meaning is one who dates powerful and influential people.) A “Power Dater” is one that dates two or more women/men at the same time. Are you one?

As readers here know I have been out on my own again for the last year, recently divorced. One of the things that I did to get back into the swing of things was to explore the dating scene again having been away from it for close to twenty years. I found that when I dated, put myself out there I gained self-esteem and had a truly good time. I personally have been a “Chain Dater”, where by I met and dated only one woman at a time and that was fine, because up until recently I never had more than one woman interested in me at the same time.

And then an interesting thing did happen to me… I was gaining the attention of several women at once. So I talked to some close friends and they recommended that I just enjoy myself in my little quest for another and date, date a lot. After all, it is just dating, and just sex, and if something good comes of it then all the better. This seemed sensible to me. So, I started talking and dating many women. Interestingly, the subject of seeing other people did not really come up and I thought that was great, we both got it, it was just dating.

Maybe I erred in my judgment, but I was thinking that when asked if I was “seeing someone” I was being asked if I was in a committed or even semi-committed relationship (and a committed relationship is not a friendship). In which case the answer, and the one I gave was no. I mean if seeing someone was talking to or meeting or kissing or even sex then maybe the answer should be yes. In all the cases of dating these women (and honestly I was only have sexual relations with one) there was never an implied exclusivity, nor anything beyond dating. (According to Tom Leykis: The definition of dating is porking.)

But as things progressed I slowly learned that indeed “seeing someone” included talking to, meeting, kissing and having sex. (ok, maybe I was stupid… no wisecrack here jayR, ok?) Emotional ties do happen, and I like them, but they started to careen out of control. And this the emotional tangle of the miscommunications.

So, this brings me up to the “Torn” blog entry I have gotten so many comments on. It became clear to me I develop emotional attachments for myself and from others very quickly, and I have within me a need to “do no harm”. Yet, as I was looking at the way things were moving I knew I would do have on an emotional level. This is what I have been dealing with.

So I talked and I thought things were calming… one woman was uncommunicative and that path faded, then another said she understood, but that was an intellectual understanding and her emotions had not processed it yet. She was hurt by this and thought she was handling it, but I guess not. I do not know what to do for her, she is a wonderful person too, but she grew attached to strong and maybe too fast. All I can do is admit I have made mistakes, for I have, and express that I truly did not want to hurt her by this circumstance. That path too I fear is fading and will never be the same again. For I have sought to seek the third path in my journey and I cannot expect her to wait, nor even like it at this point. (I had an opportunity to talk to her about one of my posts and she thought I was not paying her the respect of talking to her about it first, though we had discussed it. I did not care to have the conversation at the time, I was going to work and it would have taken to long.)

So now I think I have learned a lesson for me. I will not do the “Power Dating” again. I will be a “Chain Dater” from now on, going from one person to the next until I find the right one and once again consider a long-term relationship. At least in this way the answer to “Are you seeing anyone” is a definite no. I will not have to worry if the emotional ties happen slow or fast or not at all, for relationships will start and stop and be done with until I find the next woman. I do not want to put myself through the emotional rollercoaster the last week has offered.

Funny thing too… I consider myself a good communicator. But maybe I still need work at it.

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
6/30/2005 7:18 pm

everyone can always do with a little work on the communication side of things

Happy to find you have found your direction


bella_ 47F
4030 posts
6/30/2005 7:39 pm

I have never heard either of those terms before...power and chain dating but i suppose there is a difference...I learned something neat tonight!

rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
6/30/2005 8:02 pm

rm_QuietEyez 46F

6/30/2005 8:03 pm

Power dating sounds to me like a playa. but that aside and obviously not being the point it seems. To not allow all parties to know where you stand is the error. There should be nothing wrong with dating people, if this is what you wish to do, but it should be made aware to all that you are not exclusive. You like them but you do date other people. Then each person knows where they stand, and it would change how they see you, and how attached they became to you.

As for do no harm, sometimes finding true happiness for yourself will bring harm without choice. There is no foul when it is done unintentionally, for that is part of life, and for the one harmed, it is a learning experiance, that perhaps they must have although we may not undertand why. As long as you intentions were pure, you have nothing to feel bad about.


rm_txrose4uNTX 57F
3289 posts
7/1/2005 7:56 am

Yeah, have to agree with QuietEyez, the term power dating does seem to lend itself to the image of being a player. Communication is always the key to any relationship. I strive to keep communications open, although sometimes I am not always as good as it as I would like it to be.

Eventhough we hope and pray that we convey our thoughts, prayers, and dreams effectively to one another, there is always that risk for misunderstanding or misinterpretation... even in the written word. I, myself, prefer face to face interations for just that reason. I like being able to look into someone's eyes and see what they are saying (or interpreting) as I am speaking.

I am a firm believer in body language and reading of the eyes.

While I love blogging, there is nothing like being able to hear and see someone face to face. I am hoping and praying that my beau and and continue to have as strong a force of communication as we have seemed to have thus far, which will only serve to strengthen our relationship.

Kudos to all the thought process that you have been going through here lately. I know it has been a tough decision making process for you, which is always hard to do as we face major forks in our roads.

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