Is it cheating?  

rm_harshawj 51M
761 posts
6/21/2005 5:58 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Is it cheating?

Is it cheating when you do not have a commitment from another person? I mean really, I have been talking to several women lately, some just through email and some face to face. I have been asked if I was seeing anyone, and I reply "Well, there is no commitment and we are open about it." Now this is the absolute truth, but is there an implied obligation of exclusivity when you are just talking and no commitment? Would this change if intimate moments have been shared?

For me I am enjoying the attention of several women and it is great. I like the attention, and I have not gotten this type of attention in a long time and I like it. Maybe I was so long deprived of the attention that this inundation is making up for lost time. I don't know.

Am I being evasive? Should I not talk to anyone else while my attention is on only one other? I could be in a worse situation, I could be all alone. Do I risk this just from talking to more than one person? I just don't know.

How do men feel about this subject. How do women feel about it. I really want to know.

Ana_6973 43F

6/21/2005 6:22 pm

I think that unless you and the other party flat out agree that you are seeing one another exclusively or take a legal step, you are not cheating. After all, cheating implies a commitment of some sort to another person.

~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~

rm_QuietEyez 46F

6/21/2005 8:02 pm

If no commitment is made, then there is no cheating involoved.

The first stage in a relationship should always be meeting, talking to and seeing various people. ( this does not mean you have to have sex with them) to do anything less is cheating yourself, and then in that process if your feelings grow stronger for one inparticular, then a sense of commitment is made, at that point, relations outside of that commitment is cheating. But that does not include having friends, whom you can talk and relate with, male or female.

Talking to more then one person, does not justify cheating, It can create some great friends. But if one of these people give you a sense within yourself of cheating, then perhaps you are ready to make a commitment, at that point I would say re-evaluate your relationship with the others in your life, you may find that many can still be on your conversation list without feeling as though you are cheating. As long as your upfront and honest about who they are and why you talk to them. If the one you chose to be commited with is confident within herself, she should not have issues with it or feel that you are cheating, because she herself should have friends in the same manner. Outside friendships can be vital to stronger intimate relationships.

rm_QuietEyez 46F

6/21/2005 8:53 pm

I doubt all women think this, and yes some are very possesive. They let their emotions react before their thoughts, and tend to want to elieve that they have to be the only one because if they are not then there is something wrong with them, or they fear they may be wasting their time, rather then exploring other options, and getting to other people themselves, desperation calls when lonliness takes over. But thats what talking to them and getting to know them is supposed to help you know. ( its a hell of a theory anyway )

And in many cases sex does change things, many women want to believe that if you engage in sex with them, then they are the only one in your life.

All these things depend on clear communication between all people involved.

Just because we know how things should be, doesn't always make it happen, people are an unpredictable variation in all things. all we can do is hopefully know the person, use our best judgement, hope for the best, and understand that all things happen for a reason, be it good or bad.

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