Chemical Downer  

rm_harshawj 51M
761 posts
6/19/2006 7:36 pm
Chemical Downer

I woke up this morning and like a lot of people, I did not want to go to work. I know, we all feel that way some times, but today it was really bad. But I got up, showered and shaved, dressed and went in anyway. That is when it happened. As I was driving into work, my mind was filling with the strangest notions, “Fuck, just quit and go home!” “Drive it off the road, you’ll have some time then.” And the torrent of notions continued and grew more weird by the second.

There is something to be said for the power of the conscious mind that it can recognize when it is not running correctly, if you let it. I knew these were not normal thoughts for me. I knew that something was wrong and as I thought about it I swear I could feel the chemical imbalance grow. I wanted to roll over and go to sleep, I wanted to walk away from everything and just hide. I wanted to cry like a child, but there was no privacy. The emotions were coursing through my body and all I could do was hold it together with pure intellect and that was not easy. I wanted to lash out at every person that walked by. It was not an easy few hours.

This seems to be my world now. Every once in a while the whole thing gets turned upside down and I feel like I want to bark at everyone that comes into range. Try working with customers in a cab all day in that sort of condition. I truly feel I want to hide away from the world.

But what am I to do. I guess the next step is to get onto one of the assorted happy pills that is on the market, regulate the old gray matter better. But have you seen the side effects on those scripts? Sleepy all day, lethargic, the squirts, and of course Mr. Happy is not happy anymore on this meds. Seems to me the cure may be worse than the ailment.

Anyone have suggestions?

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