|Blogs > rm_harshawj > Miasma of Musings|
It must be Biorhythm. Six months ago I was faced with the issue of two paths, and now I find that I have other issues to confront once again, and again, they involve my love life. So why is it more complicated this time? So, stream of consciousness kicks in again…
I have one woman that I care for but she seems to be drifting away. I have made attempts to reforge a relationship but she is so busy with her life that we can never seem to be together. I care for her greatly, and she will aways be special to me, but maybe I should face facts and let it go. Maybe we should be only friends and let that be it. At least at that point I will have put one thread behind me and be able to move on.
Then there is the one that I met totally offline and she is very sweet. Again, I ike her alot, have made a few flirts and have seen some response, but she is not willing to engage in a relationship because of past relationships. She is “Taking Time” to get her head back together, and I can relate to that. Maybe this is a path that should just be left alone. If that is the case, and I do leave it alone, I do have one less thing to worry about. Maybe that is best.
Then there is someone that has recently come into my life and she is very sweet. We are compatible in many ways and share a ton of interests. But she is moving faster than I wanted I think. I am not sure about where I would want to take thisrelationship, it is really interesting now, but I cannot see long term where it will take us if I decide to persue it alone.
Finally there is one woman that I know I can get into. She does not live nearby, she has her own issues as well, but over the last few months we have made a connection, one that I feel strongly about. I know that if it worked out and we were together there would be something very strong there. She is someone that I could be with and know that time would not fade therelationship.
So now it is four paths. Two I can put behind me and know that no-one will be hurt. One I can continue and see where it goes, hopefully slow it down a bit, but see where it goes. The last… well if she comes into my life in a significant way, I will drop all others unless others are all cool with it.
I hate it when my life gets like this, I never know where I stand. I want things to work out well for everyone, but you know that someone ends up getting hurt. Interestingly enough, there is not the concern as much for other people as the last time I had all the paths. This time around there is a more open atmosphere, a more adult way of looking at things. I am not in the agony that I was before.
Maybe this is because I have hardened myself more. Insulated my emotions to the point that I do not feel as strongly. Maybe that is a good thing, I am not seeing the worldthrough the rose-colored glasses as I once had. But what have I lost? Is it the extremes? Have I jaded myself to the heady highs that love can bring? Or have I just added filters to only be able to feel those extremes with the right person? I don’t know and maybe only experimentation will be able to tell me that answer. I do have a strong feelingthat the true highs are possible again, but yeah, with the right person.
Six months… here we are again. Me, different players, but here we are again.
1/5/2006 11:04 am
I know the dilemma you are dealing with, although I dont have that many people to sort through, but I have been faced with some decisions on a level such as this. |
I know you will find a way to come to decision on whats best for you.
I have tried to contact u at the Y and no contact.
1/5/2006 11:24 am
I can only wish you the best. You are one amazing man and I know that one of those paths you talk about will be the one for you. Just know that I am here for you no matter what you decide to do....|