Marrieds ! should they be contented with their lot ?  

hardlyused1955 61M
3 posts
12/10/2005 2:00 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Marrieds ! should they be contented with their lot ?

As a married man who has absolutely little or no sex in the bedroom with my wife despite trying all sorts of things over the years to improve things (she doesnt seem to like sex or at best no imagination on different 'ideas')what do you think ?

Should I be content with a happy homelife and shut up.
Should I leave my wife and family?
Should I seek a mistress?

Anyone out there (male or female) in a similar situation ?)

pupsNpeaches 54M/47F

11/20/2007 6:43 am

Pups speaking:

I went through something similar for 23 years. I lived on my own visions and dreams of what maybe we could someday be. There would be little spurts of romance and sexual bliss, playfulness, wonderful, wonderful stuff. Then nothing at all for nine months. Sometimes, she withheld sex as a punishment. Sometimes, denial was just her way of communicating how much she found lacking in me as a man, husband, father....

A priest had once told me that sex was a barometer. If sex life was as bad as I described it, something more serious was wrong in the relationship. I thought, "What does *he* know? He's a priest." I kept thinking it would get better. But you know what? He was right. When it came right down to it, I think what I wanted so much to *be* love, simply wasn't anything more than a vision I had that I was trying to squeeze us into. And we didn't fit it.

Divorced now. Bitter, ugly divorce. The process of divorce revealed very quickly the lack of love that underlay the lack of intimate affection. Horrible. Disastrous. She turned into this vicious, cannabilistic thing during the divorce. She used my attempts at sexual playfulness and my ambition to one day be lovers as proof to my children that I was a sex maniac, a pervert.

I don't expect that the details match yours. But you have to wonder, what's wrong with you two that she's not responsive. Is it just her or the relationship itself.

I give THIS as advice, though: don't screw around on her. Be a man. Don't slink around. Face this with her first, then come here. Why? For your own dignity. When the sh*t hits the fan, you don't want to be hanging your head and cussing yourself out that you didn't have the guts to be straightforward with your wife. You might not live through the guilt and shame of slinking around like that.

Now, if you hate your wife and want revenge or something, if you want to hurt her about as bad as a guy can, then yeah, take a mistress. That kind of trust violation about kills most women. And it doesn't do a whole lot for the self-esteem of the mistress, usually, either. Being the woman used to hurt another woman like that... ouch.

If you want to stop trying with your wife, deal with that first. Then come alookin'.

Just my two cents (from personal experience and just plain sense), because... well... you did ask, you know.

I sympathyze with you, though. I've been there. It's like you're just waiting for a coffin because your woman doesn't use you as "a man" anymore. You want to have fun before the clock runs out, and you're feeling wasted, unused, right? You want to be physically loved and love as a man.

It's a terrible feeling to feel trapped like that against the clock.


loves his

Both proud to be members of
Sioux Falls Swingers

pupsNpeaches 54M/47F

11/20/2007 6:49 am


I SHOULD have introduced my lovely Peaches to you! She's not the woman I was talking about. Oh no, no, no. Peaches is my soulmate. She is the woman I was waiting all my life to meet. She is the one who snuggles close to me in the night, the one who's breathing I fight off sleep to continue to listen to. Her smooth forehead under my nose, the smell of her hair, the comfort of her constant embrace.... This is what men and women were meant to be to each other. My previous marriage brought three beautiful children into the world (even though the divorce took some of their childhood from them... damn it...). But it also prepared me to "see" just how wonderful Peaches is. She is completely everything I had ever envisioned from a wife. I do NOT mean for anyone to confuse who I talked about above to this precious companion I have now!!!

Love you,

loves his

Both proud to be members of
Sioux Falls Swingers

FugalTykesDrink 44F

8/13/2010 4:46 am

get a mistress babe, lifes to short to be unhappy. It might just make your life a little happier. I know i made a man in your situation very happy. Take care

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