3:16 AM, you gotta be kidding!?  

hammertime887 44M
105 posts
12/10/2005 12:30 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

3:16 AM, you gotta be kidding!?

I was up at 6 this morning (well, I guess Friday morning now). Why in the #@!! am I up at 3:15 AM still!

I do know the flu threw my sleep schedule all out of whack, so I'm sure that's part of it. I have a lot on my mind right now too.

Being separated kinda sux, but in a way it's good. Things need to get ironed out...will they enough to get back into the marriage, I don't know. I do get awfully tired of the way I get treated by my wife...it's almost abusive in some ways. But because of what she deals with (namely, BPD and PTSD) she gets very defensive and protective of what's "hers" and anything that's mine automatically becomes "ours". There's nothing of mine anymore...now granted, there's a need for healthy balance of letting go of individualism for the good of the marriage, but you don't give ALL up for one or the other.

And of course, my mother in law is a real bitch. And I need to leave it at that.

And, it goes without saying that it's been well over 16 months since the last time I've had sex. I have been such a "good boy" about this...remaining faithful, not giving in to temptations, etc., etc., but after a while, I guess it just gets to be too much. And I guess a part of me that has just come to a realization that, after living in separate houses for nearly 2 years now, we truly are separated in some way, shape, or form. We've seen each other 2 times since August, only talkign on the phone for short periods of time sporadically in between.

And I end up here.

I don't say all this for some woman to come along and feel sympathy to come get off with me by default (although, cute ladies between 25-35 with nice figures, brunettes especially, come see me ). But it's not only been 16 months without sex, but really 16 months without any form of love, romance, or intimacy...for numerous reasons besides the psychological (health factors in, family relationships, 3 major fights between me and my mother in law, etc.) So, when you spend that kind of time devoid of any sort of romance, you start to roam.

When I got here, I really "prefer(red) not to say" about the status of my marriage, because I sincerely felt there was some level of hope there. Now I'm not so sure. So I moved that to "separated" to tell the truth.

Hopefully, ladies appreciate that.

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