My " FUNK"  

gypsy1629 41F
324 posts
6/25/2006 1:09 am

Last Read:
7/4/2006 1:06 am

My " FUNK"


Okay....I mentioned I have been in a funk of late....it all goes back to the date of June 9th....my oldest daughters birthday...she turned 11....but I was not around to help her celebrate....as she is the one I gave up for adoption.....

it has been quite a few years since that happend....and I miss her like CRAZY....they say in time this gets easier to live with but I have to admit this was my worst year yet!!

I even online searched for support groups as all my feelings were leading me to wanting to hit the bottle....and I in no way want to compromise my sobriety!....

I think I found a good one but have been hesitating to go there as yet....

Also I think a lot of these awful feelings are coming from the fact that a relative of mine may lose her two girls and as like my lil sis did for me in my situation....she is their foster mom too....and on the 30th of the month the kids will no longer be under her care....I am reliving my case through this one....the outcome is all up in the air....

The one person may lose her kids and then there is their father who could or not get them....just all of this is getting to me....

and then there is my lil sis who will be hurting when the girls go from her home....she wants support.....I know this and yet I am also distancing myself from it all as I have been there and done that losing ur kids thing and all my old wounds seem to be splitting wide open again.....

So far it looks like they may not be getting aadopted out and in a way I guess I am jealous and hurt....as the person the case is with is taking a lot of risks and no one is doing a damned thing about it....yet when I had mine going on I fucked up once and that was the end of it.....so I am feeling resentments galore here.....and hurt....wondering why the rules are so damned different this time and I got the short end of the stick.....

Ya know I even double checked the list for unadopted kids in my state to make sure my daughter was not on it....yet hoping she was....cause then maybe there would be a chance I could like adopt her back....sounds weird and totally insane but thats what went through my funked mind at the time.....

All I can do is pray and hope all is well with her wherever she may be....and make the most of my life to fill that void....it gets hard and damned near unbearable at times but I know I can do this....

Thanks all for reading this and sharing my mood....

gypsy

gypsy1629 41F

6/25/2006 7:52 pm

child....thanks for ur comment....gla to see ya popped in and saw my blog....ur comment is something I see as support...thank you!

gypsy


5stride0 60M
1 post
6/26/2006 10:01 am

Wow gypsy! I really hope that somehow things will work out for you and your daughter. It sounds like in a short 30 years you have lived a hundred. For your own health, be sure to stay engaged in some "intensive-self-care." That way, you know someone (you) will be taking care of you when you can't count on anyone else to do what is best for you. May things improve from this day forward!!


rm_funinic 48M
823 posts
6/26/2006 10:37 am

Here's a big, long, wet, lips sliding across each other, gently sucking, tongue exploring, eyes open, back arching, gasping kiss for ya.



Did that help?


gypsy1629 41F

6/27/2006 5:04 pm

5stride....thanks and yes life has been rough but I am doing ok and I am okay with things now just was in a funk.....thanks for stopping in....gypsy

funinic....Ya know that helped hun thanks.....gypsy

spunky.....sorry to hear ya went through the same thing it is certainly a hard thing to go through but life can get better if ya want it to and I do want that.....and I never lose hope and niether should you.....thanks for stopping in to my blog.....gypsy


rm_Ellenback 58F
966 posts
6/30/2006 8:16 pm

Soberrecovery.com, sweetiepie...It has all sorts of good stuff for an alcoholic, drug addict, or a co-dependent like me. They helped me an awful lot when I first left after 28 years together, and was lonely, very very lonely...someone pointed out that I'd also been lonely throughout the whole 28 years, I was just so damn busy I didn't realize it! They were right!

I just can't read the whole thing you blogged about...I'd start crying too much, but damn, I feel for ya...and I'm glad you're out of your funk.

(((softboobyhugs)))

Elle


gypsy1629 41F

7/4/2006 1:06 am

Elle....thanks for the tip to that site i will be sure to check it out very soon.....

gypsy


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