vacillation  

guilford2006 68M
11 posts
4/3/2006 3:30 am
vacillation


is my primary exercise. my only form of swinging. for a short while i have set up both here in what bills itself as sort of a carnal kasbah and on a regular personals site where people tend to use the wanna walk on the beach and love the mountains motif overmuch. the thought slithered through my head. wonder if i will keep one and let the other go. probably, just from a mone yaspect, i will. but, then i ask myself. which one? and here is where i get this idea of a duality going. two levels. maybe an id and ego thing. where do i really want to appeal? and what do i really seek? am i looking solely for the insert tab A into slot B and laissez les bontemps roulon? or am i looking for life partner. my first impression is...yes. i want both. ok, then. does one predominate and one naturally become a subordinate of the other? is one a less included aspect? a facet? hmmm. i can understand that i want to do it. yep. IT. and i am ok with that. and there may have been instances where i absolutely did things for no discernable other motivation than that. ok. fine. but if I then ask why that starts the swing back to the other side. Well, says I, I am looking for a partner at some point and so I did not generally go to people for the purpose of pure self-gratification. It is a seeking behavior. I want to revel in the flesh but I have a litmus test that if I don't have anything to say afterwards I should not have been there. I seek a balance, I guess. Equilibrium.

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