| THE NICE GUY GETS THE GIRL |
Jun 26, 2008 6:44 pm
47 Views | There's an old myth that when it comes to dating, nice guys finish last. Girls want bad boys. We want the ones who treat us badly.
It's not so different from the perception that the girls with the biggest boobs and the most skin showing will get the guys. Just like men have women they marry and women they...date, so do women.
Some men have a series of women, just for one night. While other men may go a while between women, but when they finally find someone, they have her for life.
Time after time, I see it. Beautiful 20- and 30-something women who go through a little bit of a wild phase. They go clubbing, maybe date bar bouncers or men with full-body tattoos who ride Harleys.
We all have known THAT girl. Her friends stand by watching while she makes mistake after mistake. She sleeps with someone too soon, then cries when he never calls again. She compulsively text-messages some guy who can't be bothered to respond. He's moved on to someone new. All she is in his life is a nuisance.
No one can figure it out. Such a beautiful woman. Why is she wasting her time on a man who is ignoring her?
Then one day it happens. She gets tired of being treated badly. She finds some self-esteem and decides to start saying 'no' when a guy tries to get her into bed too early. If she meets a man who doesn't call, she dismisses him and moves on. In the process, she FINALLY meets Mr. Right...and guess what?
He's a nice guy.
Yes, she finally figured it out. The thing is, we allow someone to treat us the way we feel, deep down, we deserve to be treated. So these girls who are passing over all the right guys for the wrong ones just simply are not ready yet. Hopefully they'll figure it out before it's too late. But then she'll encounter a new problem.
Finding a nice guy.
Yes, they are out there, but think about it. In the world of singles, the odds are fairly good she's going to encounter someone who is only out for sex. These men stay single, year after year, cruising bars for fresh meat.
A couple of weeks ago I was on a girls' night out. One of the girls, a beautiful woman in her early-twenties, was obsessing all night because the man she'd been sleeping with had been ignoring her calls all day. She decided we were going to crash the bar where he worked as a bar bouncer. I couldn't wait to get a look at this mystery man. This guy she'd made SUCH a big deal over. This guy who was breaking this beautiful young girl's heart.
He was frighteningly, disgustingly, skanky. Sure, there are good-looking, well-groomed bar bouncers but this guy wasn't one of them. Not only that, but he gave my young friend the cold shoulder all night. She was begging for the attention of a man who didn't even deserve to share space with her. I was perplexed.
Within a year of that evening, she'd met, fallen in love with, and married a "nice guy." A very attractive man with a nice income who treats her well. Meanwhile, what do you think became of that bar bouncer? I'd lay odds he's still getting all the women. Still making "nice guys" wonder why they can't be more like him. And he'll be doing that next year and the next and the next and the next...until one day maybe he'll get tired of having one-night stands and will be ready for the real thing.
And guess what? That's when he'll be ready to be a nice guy. | |
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| DROP EVERYTHING: SHE'S SINGLE AGAIN |
Jun 25, 2008 3:21 am
65 Views | We all have that friend.
If you don't have one, then chances are you ARE that friend.
She's the girl you go do things with on weekends. You talk to her on the phone. She's never too busy to make time for you...
Until she finds a boyfriend.
Suddenly, she's the invisible woman. You try to make plans with her and she waffles. Maybe she can make the girls' night out, maybe not. Daniel might want to go to the crawfish boil downtown. The day comes and she doesn't answer the phone, only to call you the next day to say her phone died.
Likely story.
Life goes on. New things move in to fill the hole she left in your life. You find someone else to go to the movies with. Maybe you even find a boyfriend. You get used to not having her around then suddenly...one day...
Your phone rings. It's her. She and Daniel didn't work out. Turns out he got tired of her centering her life around him. He felt suffocated. He needed some space. So now she's single again and ready to party.
Only...you don't have time for her now. But you remember how it felt when she blew you off, so you do your best to rearrange your life to fit her in. Your new boyfriend is understanding because, of course, you never really centered your life around him in the first place. You knew the importance of maintaining separate interests. You knew that dropping everything to wrap your world up in him would only make BOTH of you feel suffocated.
Once again you get used to your girls' nights out. You actually start to enjoy having your friend back. But then, inevitably, it happens. One night she meets someone. They start going out and soon your friend is once again...
Invisible.
No big deal. You miss her, but you resume life as it was before. Only this time you not only have a boyfriend but you make new friends. Couple friends. As a group, you start doing all the fun things you used to do with your friend. Your life is...perfect. But then, one day, like clockwork, little miss invisible pops back into your life again.
Why don't you have time for her anymore?
You know, you shouldn't wrap your life up in a man. That's just wrong.
You should at least be able to set one weekend night aside to go out clubbing with her.
Only you don't WANT to club anymore. You've outgrown that. You've outgrown HER. Life goes on...and when she blew her friends off for a man, guess what happened?
One day she looked up and all her friends had gone on without her.
And now she's left with no one.
No big deal. She'll make new friends. She only needs them temporarily anyway. Just to get her through until she meets another man she can revolve her life around. | |
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1 comment | |
| MEN NEED TO LIE |
Jun 7, 2008 4:12 pm
116 Views | "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
"Does this dress make my butt look big?"
"Were you staring at that woman's chest?"
Dishonesty. It can erode the fabric of even the strongest relationship. But there are times when a man is put in a position where he really has to lie. It's the only choice. And why does he have to lie? Because women ask stupid questions.
Practice with me, boys. "No one is prettier than you, sweetie." That's all you have to say. It doesn't matter if you really secretly DO think Heidi Klum is ten times more beautiful than the woman you're with...if you want to avoid a lifetime of suffering, you will just say what she wants to hear. If she doesn't want you to lie, she shouldn't have put you in that position in the first place.
In all my time on this planet, I've never had a man ask me a stupid question like that. I imagine if he did ask me if a pair of pants made his butt look big and I said yes, he'd simply go change pants. He wouldn't hold it against me for the next four years or take it as a sign that I no longer love him. He asked me a question, I gave him the answer, he solved the problem.
Men can be kind of...logical and rational that way.
A woman, on the other hand, does these things for approval. YOUR approval. She is feeling a little insecure for one reason or another and she's looking for you to reassure her that you still find her beautiful. It's not that she wants you to lie, it's that she wants you to compliment her. Which sucks, but that's the way it is. You choose to be with us, so this is what you're stuck with.
Just so you know, women, your little needy questions make you less appealing to the man you're with. Men are drawn to confidence. If you shove your booty into those size 10s and strut around with pride, he won't even notice your butt is bulging out all over the place. Because YOU think you're beautiful, he'll see you as beautiful.
Interesting how that works.
Then there are the things you men say that are just...not wise. "Wowzer. Look at the hoo-hoos on that broad." Any woman who has ever been a "hottie" in her life knows what you men do when your woman isn't looking. You're checking out other women. We know you do it. It's human nature. But it's just wise to try to make it a little less obvious to us. Trust me on this, men. Some of you are NOT subtle. I always feel kind of bad for the woman who is walking through the mall, holding her husband's hand and talking merrily away, while all the while he's staring at another woman and paying not a single bit of attention to a word she's saying.
Just be subtle, boys. That's all we're asking.
So...what do you think? Are little white lies in a relationship deceptive or...necessary? | |
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| WHY PLAYERS ARE BAD IN BED |
Jun 1, 2008 3:45 pm
149 Views | Last week I posted a blog about players, in which an argument broke out over whether or not a man is actually a 'player' if he's not good in bed. A true player would ruin a woman for all other men because he'd have his technique down pat. A true player would be a man a woman would never, ever forget.
I call bullshit.
First of all, let's make clear the people making these claims are men. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but men are the last ones to speak out on which men are better lovers than others because, guess what? Most of these men have never slept with another man. So how the heck would they know?
A man who is a player generally has sexual experience. He's been with a wide variety of women...ONCE...and a few women more than once. He has his technique for picking up women down pat. So naturally he'd brag he's on his game once he has her in bed. Otherwise, how would he get so many women to sleep with him?
Because a woman wouldn't agree to go home with a man unless she KNEW, up front, that he was going to be good?
What? Is there some sort of system for finding out the prowess of a man we're thinking of going to bed with? A sort of "sexual background check?" Do they provide references? A list of phone numbers? Maybe somewhere there's an application women can download to take to bars with us. That way, when a man hits us with his best pickup line...
...we'll just be a few seconds away from sheer ecstasy.
No, we don't know. We have no idea. We go by the way you look at us, the way you carry yourself, and the way you look. That's all we have to go on in the beginning. If a woman has decided to hook up with a guy right away, what else is she going to know? She'll have no idea what will happen once you're between the sheets.
In every relationship I've ever had, the sex got better as our feelings deepened. The first time was, quite frankly, not all that good. No matter how much experience he had, how good his technique, the emotional part just wasn't there and, guys, say what you want but to a woman, emotions mean a whole hell of a lot.
And let's just dispel this notion right now that you can "ruin her for all other men." Ha! If you "pump and dump" her, you can rest assured she's not going to spend the rest of her life mourning that one steamy night in August with some skanky guy she picked up in town. But, whatever gets you through the night.
Usually only in the comfort of a relationship does a woman begin to open up about what she wants. Over time, a man learns her body, learns what works for her. He takes that to the next relationship, where he refines it based on what that woman wants. The player, on the other hand, has a series of one-night stands and booty calls with women who do not care about "teaching him" how to make her body hum like a well-oiled machine. To her, he's a human vibrator. A little companionship for a short time. Or maybe just a wild fling to fulfill some secret fantasy she's always had.
The truly good lovers aren't the players. The TRULY good lovers are the men who have had a lifetime of long-term relationships. They are the men who fall deeply in love with a woman to the point of wanting to please her. They are more concerned about her satisfaction than their own. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but for a player, the only thing motivating him to satisfy her is ego.
Casual sex is generally selfish sex. Sure, you want the other person to be happy but mostly you're satisfying a need within yourself. The woman you are with could be anyone and you'd be happy, as long as she was reasonably attractive and willing.
When you have feelings for someone, you take your time. You kiss her, touch her in all the right spots. You revel in her pleasure as much, if not more than, your own. If you think a woman can't tell the difference between sex and making love, then you aren't thinking like a woman. If you think a woman doesn't notice that you have a wall up, you know nothing about female intuition.
What do you think? Can a player be good in bed? | |
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| my fantasy |
May 27, 2008 2:28 pm
247 Views | I love being tied up and blindfolded. Last night he blindfolded me and tied me with ropes to the bed. Nothing gets my pussy wetter faster then being tied, helpless and blindfolded.
He always starts these games the same way, leaving me alone for a few minutes. I lay there tied, unable to move, unable to see what's happening. His touch comes suddenly, unexpectedly. A light soft touch running down between my big tits and down my stomach; he must be using a feather. Another touch at my feet, maybe leather this time, tracing it's way up my leg to the inside of my thigh. His tongue suddenly licks at my hard nipple and the sensation makes me gasp in surprise and pleasure.
He continues this slow teasing for what feels like forever. His fingers and tongue on different parts of my body, teasing, touching, licking and sucking; never in the same place or the same order. Suddenly there was nothing again. He's being very still and quiet and the anticipation is turning me on even more. Suddenly there's a noise, and a sharp sting. He's popped me on the inside of my thigh with the riding crop. I feel the leathery end of it tracing up and down my leg, and I can't wait for him to swing it again. The next sting comes in my left breast, close to the nipple. I'm gasping and moaning now as he makes three more quick swats to my big tits, the last landing right on my hard right nipple.
I feel his fingers moving up and down my wet slit, spreading the wetness around. He teases my clit, rubbing ever so lightly over it. I moan and raise my hips to encourage him, but he just keeps teasing. I feel something hard pressing against the opening to my cunt and then slide in. By the time I've realized it's a vibrating egg, he's cranked it on full. The egg feels so good rumbling inside my pussy, and I'm squeezing my cunt around it. I can feel his hot breath on my wet lips and I beg him to eat me. I feel him getting closer, but it seems to take forever before I feel his tongue on my cunt.
He starts out doing just what I love, his tongue starting at the bottom of my lips, and licking broadly all the way up to my clit. His hot wet tongue feels so good combined with the vibrations of the egg inside me and my hips are moving almost on their own, rubbing my pussy against his hot mouth. It doesn't take much of this to make me cum and he knows it. He brings me to the edge two or three times, letting me get close to cumming, and then turning off the egg and pulling his tongue away. Finally he lets me cum, and the orgasm is making me moan so loud. My pussy is throbbing around the hard egg and his tongue is working my clit relentlessly. I cum for what seems like forever before the spasms finally subside.
Now I know what I need, and I'm begging him for it. “Please baby, give me your big cock.” I plead softly. I feel him move over the bed and soon I can feel his big cock on my face. I turn my head and greedily take it in my mouth. I love the feeling of his hot hard cock in my mouth. I love how hard and soft it is at the same time, and hearing him moan as I suck him turns me on all the more. He's moving it in slow strokes in my mouth, and I'm trying to move my head so I can take more of it in. My tongue makes swirls around the hard shaft, and I can feel the tip all the way at the back of my throat.
His dick is getting harder and hotter, and I can tell he can't take much more of this.
He pulls his cock out of my mouth before he looses control, and climbs between my legs. He slowly pulls the still vibrating egg out of my cunt and begins rubbing his cock up and down my wet slit. He starts pushing it in slowly, and I can't help but moan as it stretches my tight little pussy.
Finally he's all the way in, kneeling between my legs, and he puts the vibe on my clit as he begins stroking his big cock in and out of me. His strokes are long and deep, pulling his cock out almost all the way, and then back all the way until I feel the head pushing against my cervix. I'm moving my hips to match his strokes, and it doesn't take long for the combination of his hard cock and the vibrations to make me cum again. My moans and pulsing pussy must be too much for him, because as I'm cumming I feel his cock swell and explode inside me. The pulsing cock and the splashes of his hot cum inside me just make me cum that much harder. | |
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5 Comments | |
| I'VE NEVER MET HIM BUT I'M IN LOVE |
May 27, 2008 2:00 am
211 Views | We spend far too much of our lives on this website. At times it can start to feel all too real. We read each other's writing, message back and forth, and even confide in each other secrets we wouldn't tell our closest friends.
Every now and then I hear a story about someone striking up a love connection on here. As much time as we spend on here, it's inevitable that a few people will start to feel an attraction after a certain amount of flirting. An attraction that is based on a few photos and an online persona that may or may not be accurate.
People are much more complicated than that. And I maintain that until you have sat in front of someone and had an actual conversation, you do NOT really know him.
Love is something that takes time to build. Sure, you can feel an infatuation but is that infatuation with the actual person...or with a fantasy you've built up in your mind? Because I'm telling you, the fantasy is NOT reality.
I've heard of people who have entire relationships without ever meeting in person. They meet, they talk, they break up, they move on. ALL WITHOUT EVER MEETING. Is that a relationship?
I'd say that would be defined as a "pen pal."
How can you call someone a boyfriend you've never even touched? How can you love someone you've never SEEN? You're in love with a photo. An image on the computer screen. There's no way to even guarantee that is the person. People have been known to set up fake profiles, you know.
And how can you "break up" with someone you've never even been on a date with? Some instant messages, maybe a phone call or two, some e-mails...and now you're a couple? What are you going to do next? Get married via webcam?
A friend was telling me last week about someone having "webcam sex." I hated to sound naive, but I had to ask what the heck that was. I was told to use my imagination. So apparently people who have never even met, get naked and do things to themselves on webcams for other people. Apparently people also send naked pictures to others as well. Apparently people are stupid as hell.
Let's just hope in this "vicious breakup" they have after four months of e-mailing and touching themselves on camera that one or the other doesn't get mad enough to actually do something with those photos. Is it really wise to put that much trust in someone? Especially someone you've never met?
Can two people be in love if they've never met in person? Can they really call themselves boyfriend and girlfriend? If they stop talking, does that constitute a "breakup?" Maybe in the Internet age, we're gravitating more and more toward that. Someday we won't even have to live in the same state as our spouse. We'll get married online and have a long, happy life together via e-mail and chat. | |
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| PUMP AND DUMP HER |
May 20, 2008 11:50 pm
222 Views | It always amazes me when I meet a woman who gets fooled by a player. How does that happen? Aren't they usually transparent?
When I was dating, I always got a kick out of the player types. They were always the same. Cocky, handsome...but most of all, IMPATIENT.
You see, the scary thing would be a player with patience. A wise girl can weed out most players because they quite simply are not going to put that much effort into you. Some even have "three date" rules. If they aren't getting it by the third date, they're out of there.
Why wait around? If you continue to "date," you'll have to actually pretend to take an interest in her life. You'll have to listen as she talks about her day and learn about her history. You may even have to pretend to care that her favorite food is Italian and (gasp) find a nice Italian restaurant to take her to.
That is the trademark of a player. He just doesn't put forth the effort. Sure, he'll take you to whatever restaurant you want to go to but it won't be personalized. You can tell a difference between a guy who does something because he wants to see your eyes light up when you realize how romantic he's being and a guy who has probably done the exact same thing with ten other girls that very month.
And then it comes down to technique. I once went on three dates with a player. By the end of the first date he expected a kiss. By the third date, he'd informed me that if a woman takes "too long" to sleep with him, he labels her a prude and moves on. I asked how long was "too long" and he estimated four dates.
Call me a prude but...no. Ain't gonna happen. I don't like to put a time limit on things because certainly a relationship can move quickly. But if a man is putting in only enough effort to get you naked and beneath him, four dates will never be enough. Ten dates won't be.
So...ladies...have you ever dated a player? What did you notice about him that was different from "more genuine" men? | |
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| I DON'T WANT TO GET MY HOPES UP, BUT... |
May 15, 2008 6:58 am
277 Views | There will come a day when you will meet someone. And it will be great. And it will never end.
Even then, you'll be afraid to get your hopes up. The first date will lead to the second. The second date will lead to the third. Fourth date, fifth date...
Still, you'll be afraid to get your hopes up. You'll be reluctant to tell people about him. You've only been dating a week, after all. Then two weeks, then a month... At what point will you allow yourself to believe THIS one will be the one that lasts?
How much of the journey do we miss by worrying about our destination? Yes, we've all been hurt in the past, and we've been disappointed when something didn't work out and we had to hurt someone. But eventually, one of these days, it is going to work out. It will last...but we won't know that for certain until months, maybe years later. Maybe not even then.
Nothing is ever guaranteed to last forever. Nothing. Even a couple who has been together 25 years could be devastated by divorce or a death. But you don't sacrifice the journey because you might never make it to your destination. It always ends...eventually. Everything does.
So you sit back. You enjoy the moment. You get emotionally involved and then...
And then you get hurt.
Where's the line between being careful not to get too involved, too early, and being so cynical you miss all the fun? Can we ever just enjoy the moment for what it is? What happened to that youthful innocence we all once had? Remember when all of this was actually...
Fun? | |
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3 Comments | |
| ASK YOURSELF: ARE YOU REALLY INTO HIM? |
Apr 29, 2008 1:00 am
266 Views | Go to your local bookstore and take a look at the books in the relationship section. Take in all the variations of "How to win the man of your dreams" and "How to make a man fall in love with you." After a while you start to wonder just how desperate women are. Do we really need a book to teach us how to manipulate a man to feel a certain way about us? Would we even WANT a man we had to manipulate?
So the stereotype becomes the woman desperately trying to "snare" a man. She'll put her claws in him and next thing he knows, he's walking down the aisle. Because all women want marriage, a family, a home in the suburbs...
Maybe it's biological because I just don't get it. And I've fallen for it too, believe me. You meet a man who is handsome, moderately successful, and has a charming personality and all you can think is, "Don't blow it." So it instantly becomes all about you, the woman, trying to lure him, the guy, into some sort of commitment. As a result, you go into it with guns blazing and never stop to ask yourself that all-important question:
"Do I even WANT to be with him?"
Here he is, revealing all of these things about himself that should be red flags. She listens, nodding, almost relieved to hear he is so flawed. That way he won't leave her. It's absurd...and the really scary part is, at some point she realizes it. At some point, probably too late, it hits her that this man is not at all what she signed up for.
All those little things he warned her about start to drive her crazy. But by that time she's stuck with him. Because she spent so much time and energy trying to "make him" fall in love with her that she never stopped to question if this was even the man for her. It's the basic law of romance. The person who is trying to convince never takes into account the selection process. She is spending so much time chasing, she never has the chance to really pay attention to who he is...which is exactly what she should be doing.
This is where men have the right idea. Even after sex, they are questioning if this is a woman they could see themselves with. It may be on a subconscious level, but if something doesn't feel right, they listen to that inner voice. The goal, for them, is to find the woman they can't live without.
The goal for women appears to be merely to find the one they can live with.
See the difference? | |
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| IT'S CALLED FOREPLAY. LOOK INTO IT. |
Apr 26, 2008 9:01 pm
299 Views | If you are a man, I'm addressing this to you. Yes, you. The one who proudly boasts that what I'm about to write doesn't apply to you. You know how to please a woman. You do everything right. No woman ever complains about you.
Not to your face anyway.
Women talk. And if there's one thing I've learned from listening to these talks, it's that no matter what you're doing, you need to do it longer. Yes, LONGER. As in taking your time. Slowing the heck down. Kissing her. Touching her. Engaging her mind.
What?
What does her mind have to do with it?
Everything. Foreplay starts here.
(Picture me pointing to my brain.)
It's the way you look at her when you tell her she looks beautiful. It's the way your fingertips settle into the small of her back as you guide her through a doorway. It's the way you whisper in her ear what you want to do to her later that evening...
You could drag foreplay on for hours before you even hit the bedroom. And then, once you're in the bedroom, your natural inclination will be to throw her down on the bed and go straight to it. After all, that's what passion is all about, isn't it?
Sure. Unbridled passion has its place. We all like to be shoved against a wall and taken every now and then. But there is a difference between passionate impatience and just...impatience. And if you're expecting her to enjoy things, you might want to stop. Take a breath. Slow it down a notch or ten.
First, kiss her. And keep kissing her. Touch her face. Touch her hair. Touch...everything else. And I do mean EVERYTHING ELSE. Remember when you were fifteen and you couldn't do anything more than make out so you'd kiss and touch for hours on the sofa? We aren't asking for hours but how about a minute or two? And, while you're at it, add ten minutes to that.
Then, since you're kissing her, kiss her all over. Tease her. Count to a thousand and you still probably haven't been teasing her long enough. Make her beg.
I'm going to say all this but you still aren't going to listen. I think, when it comes to sex, there's man time and woman time and I think a man thinks he's been doing something for ten minutes when it's really only been ten seconds. Kinda like if I had an ice cream sundae in front of me and was told I couldn't eat it until ten minutes had passed.
According to Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, we make love to the other person the way we want to be made love to. Notice how women are all kissy and touchy and you're just thinking, "Why doesn't she get there already?" There's one spot you want her attention to be focused on and it isn't your left ribcage. Well, we're doing what we want YOU to be doing. Hint, hint.
Women have hot spots all over our bodies. You kiss our left calf and it's going to do something to us. You touch that spot on the inside of our elbow and we'll squirm. But you don't touch that because you think only one spot really matters. Okay, maybe a couple of other spots too. And you're ready to get down to business before you've even hit the bedroom door. So you rush...and then later, if someone asked if you engaged in foreplay, you would say:
"Well...yeah. I kissed her."
For twenty seconds. | |
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1 comment | |
| I'LL HATE YOU FOREVER |
Apr 22, 2008 11:44 pm
288 Views | He's been hurt.
And you'd think, from the way he acts, he's the only person in the history of the planet to have had his heart broken. Some woman -- maybe she was his wife, maybe a girlfriend, maybe a girl he went on three dates with, for God's sake -- rejected him and he can't seem to get the heck over it.
Shut the hell up and deal.
Seriously. Do you know how many friends recently have told me about being with men who can't love? Can't commit? Can't ever open their hearts again because some girl in the past hurt them? There's a word for that: stupidity. With maybe a little "insanity" thrown in. It's why God invented therapists -- so that you could pay someone to listen to your whiny shit instead of burdening the next ten girls you date with it.
Yes, we get it. Your ex was a bitch. She keyed your car, took all your money, had sex with your pet monkey. Whatever she did, I have a newsflash for you. She's gone on with her life. She's with someone else now and, chances are, she barely gives you a thought throughout the course of her day. Meanwhile she has this overwhelming power over your life in that you can't seem to STOP hating her. That hate doesn't even come close to affecting her. In fact, the only person it's eating alive is YOU.
I've hurt men. Haven't we all? And good God, if someone told me one of my exes carried on about me the way some of these men carry on about their exes, I'd probably have to call him up and give him a long talk. Because, as wonderful as I am, I am not worth some guy mourning me for years after our breakup. I'm certainly not worth him ruining things with some terrific new woman because she can't compete with the ghosts of his past.
Ladies, I'm going to tell you this: if a man can't love you because he's been hurt in the past, be thankful. He's doing you a favor. Because if a man cannot recover from a heartbreak that happened two, five, maybe as much as TEN YEARS ago, how will he handle the other adversities that come into his life? And a lifetime together will bring PLENTY of adversity. Don't you want a man who can handle some disappointment and rejection without it causing him to curl into a little ball and cry for the next ten years?
Think about it.
"Resentment is setting myself on fire in the hopes that the smoke will bother you."--Unknown | |
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| ALWAYS ASK THE PRETTIEST GIRL TO DANCE |
Apr 16, 2008 4:08 am
327 Views | The dance hall was crowded with couples. Almost everyone was dancing -- everyone but him and his friends. There they stood, looking across at the cluster of females, wondering how they would ever get the courage to ask one of them to dance.
An old man approaches. "Are you just going to stand there or are you going to dance?" the man asks. "Look at that brunette over there. She's standing all by herself, just waiting for someone to ask her."
He looks at the old man with horror in his eyes. The brunette was no doubt the most beautiful woman in the entire room. Maybe even in the entire state. She would never dance with him. But the old man knows something.
"Remember this advice, son," the old man says. "Always ask the prettiest girl to dance."
Finally the young guy gives in. It's obvious the old man is never going to give up. He crosses the room to where the brunette is standing and stops directly in front of her. She's even more beautiful up close.
"Will you dance with me?" he asks, fully expecting her to say no. At least then he can return to his friends and tell the old man he tried.
Much to his surprise, her eyes light up. She takes his hand and follows him to the dance floor. Suddenly he is the envy of every man there. How did he get such a beautiful woman to dance with him?
Simple. He asked.
All of a sudden, all the other girls are curious about this guy as well. He must be something special to have attracted the attention of the prettiest girl in the room. Soon, they're lining up to dance with him. Soon maybe other men aren't so afraid to ask the pretty girl to dance, since she looks a whole lot more approachable than she did standing over there by herself.
How many men have the courage to approach the prettiest girl in the room?
The answer? Not many. It is why, often, the most beautiful women are the ones who are sitting at home on Friday night. Sure, they get approached, but usually it's by men who are just so used to getting rejected they'll ask anyone. Eventually someone does ask and she's so grateful, she goes along with it. After a while, though, the man gets tired of constantly being asked how a guy like him won over the heart of such a wonderful lady and moves on to someone else. Someone who maybe isn't the prettiest girl in the room.
Maybe the prettiest girl is meant to dance alone.
Or maybe...just maybe...there's a man out there who would proudly dance by her side. To hell with what everyone else thinks. | |
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| HE CAN COMMIT, JUST NOT TO YOU |
Apr 10, 2008 8:02 pm
334 Views | There was a time when I thought I had it all figured out.
I was heartbroken. And as I described the man who had rejected me, someone advised me to get the book Men Who Can’t Love. It wasn’t that the man couldn’t love ME, you see. It was that he couldn’t love anyone. Because the only way a man wouldn’t fall head over heels for me is if something was wrong with him.
I’m sure it sounded absurd even back then, but I believed it.
When I look over the "symptoms" of commitmentphobia, pretty much every failed relationship I’ve ever heard of fits. It starts off great, then the person starts gradually losing interest. The person is hesitant to bring his or her significant other around friends and family. The person has a history of failed relationships. Wow...bingo. If that fits one of your relationships than it’s obvious it can’t be anything but commitmentphobia.
I’m not going to say there aren’t people out there who fear commitment. Sure there are. Heck, the way my generation was raised it’s a wonder we ever commit to anything. We hate to even commit to a half hour TV show because there might be something better on another channel to watch. If you have dinner at Chili’s, you’re missing out on dinner at so many other great restaurants. If you decide to spend the rest of your life with one person, look at all the people you’ll be missing out on.
There’s a line of thinking that goes something like this. When a man says, "I never want to get married" it means "I never want to get married TO YOU." When he says, "I don’t want children" it means "I don’t want children WITH YOU." If you follow that line of thinking, what you get is that every single man on this planet can fall madly, head over heels in love with a woman...if she’s the right woman. He can settle down, maybe even want a family, if that woman is the one who sets his loafers on fire.
But there are men out there who simply cannot commit. They go through women like a teenager goes through T-shirts. Wear one for a few months, toss her out. After a while the walls start to close in and he has to get out. He just can’t commit to this one. And he won’t commit to the next one. Or the next...or the next...
And then, one day, he meets one who DOES set his loafers on fire. And, what do you know? He falls madly in love with her, marries her, and they live happily ever after. Maybe he wasn’t so commitmentphobic after all. Commitmentphobes don’t get married. Do they?
The "experts" have a theory about that too. They say a commitmentphobe can marry, if the woman he marries is independent and lets him have his space.
Well, hot DAMN. I think we’ve cracked the secret code. So...you’re telling me...that to conquer a commitmentphobe, women just need to stop being clingy and needy? And his problems will be cured?
The really scary part is, people get paid for making this stuff up and writing about it. Women buy into it like crazy. Because it’s far easier to say that something is wrong with this man than that something might be wrong with the way we as women behaved. We can’t admit that maybe, just maybe, if we’d been a little more independent and let him have his space, he might have wanted to stay with us.
Every friend I have claims to be independent. Yet every friend I have completely drops her friends the instant a guy steps into the picture. She revolves her day around talking to him. If she is on the phone with me and he buzzes in, she hangs up with me to talk to him. She can’t go out this weekend or the next or the next because she HAS to wait around just in case her boyfriend/fiance/married man she’s having an affair with wants to see her. She can’t tie up Saturday night because he might want to spend it with her.
Finally she agrees to go out with her friends again, mostly because he told her she can’t crash his guys’ nights out anymore. So she goes out and spends the whole evening talking about him. And texting him. And calling him. And driving around town trying to find his car.
Independent, my ass. And these are the same women who will find that after a few months he starts to feel suffocated. They are the women who will say, "He just can’t get any further than four or five months into a relationship. Something’s wrong with him. He’ll be alone the rest of his life."
Sure he will. Just keep telling yourself that, hun.
What do YOU think? Is commitmentphobia a true disorder? Or can every man fall in love...when the right person comes along? | |
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