Why Romance?  

goddessofbitches 41M/33F
5317 posts
9/27/2005 1:11 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Why Romance?

It is fair to say that like most women, I love the idea of romance. But, I don't know TRUE romance...not the way I want to.

You may be wondering just what in the world I am talking about. I am talking about that...Come home to a romantic dinner...flowers...candles...special gift...all because I am the object of affection type of ROMANCE. I Don't know that. Never have I really known that. Take it from me, a woman who knows the IDEA of Romance...that there is a difference between living it and dreaming about it. Even listening to it can be a bitch. It can be very painful to sit there and listen to romantic stuff when you know deep down...that you will never expirience something like that.

You ask..."What about your husband?" What about him. He loves me. I love him. Has he ever shown me romance? In his own way, I suppose he has. He has surprised me on a few occasions. Like the time he cooked breakfest for me. Or when I went into the hospital to have our daughter, he had a special changing table and rocking chair waiting in her new room on the day we came home.
But as far as just taking me into his arms and wooing me as they say...no...I can't recall a time he has ever done that...and if he did...I doubt I would have forgotten it.

As a woman who dreams of passion...who is inspired by love...you may wonder if this effects me. Yes...in some weird way it does affect me. I know I have daydreams of what it would be like for him to throw me a surprise party or to have a special dinner all cooked and waiting for me...for no reason. But...do I let it bother me? Yes, sometimes I do. Which leads to thoughts of wanting something more...or someone.

But, unlike those women who feel neglected and take the oppurtunity to find someone else, I don't look for anyone else. I have simply learned to live without ROMANCE. I mean...our engagment wasn't even ROMANTIC. But I want more. Is that so wrong? Is it wrong to look back and say...damn I want more... Is that stuff only for movies and soap operas?

Then...the protective (or maybe guilty) side of me kicks in. I shrug it off asking myself...WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING FOR??? YOU HAVE A GOOD MAN....GOOD SEX LIFE...AND HE LOVES YOU. WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY ASK FOR??? Some people never expirience love while others are rich with love. So from there I move on. Being happy.

You ask if I am REALLY HAPPY...I say YES I am. I am living without romance...and I must say I am doing a fine job of it. I have not once since we have been together...cheated on him in any way. Not once since we have been together have I not appreciated him and shown him love. I have never regretted my decision to love him. Or to be with him.

I think I am being a good wife...just having trouble living with the regret of not having any sort of ROMANCE. So fella's....take it from a woman who is honestly trying to put it down for ya...plan a little surprise for your honey every now and then. I promise ya one thing..she will remember it. And it is amazing the things women will do to show you how much they appreciate it.

Your life lesson for the day....


Always The Bitch

realmom2 58M/50F

9/27/2005 1:59 pm

Ok, now you've got me down. My husband is not the most romantic man in the world, but I know he loves me, and I love him. I sometimes wonder if all the stories you hear of romance, are just that, "stories". I've never heard any of my friends brag about how romantic they're husbands are either. Maybe romance is something that was created by authors of romance novels and Hollywood. As long as we have happy marriages, maybe we should except that as real life. Let's hang in there Mandy, our guys aren't bad at all, they're just, husbands. Love ya.

IdealSmile 39M

9/27/2005 2:08 pm

Should u really settle for lack of romance.You can b happy without it but with it, who knows.

ByteChaser2 52M

9/27/2005 2:11 pm

Absolutely true. When "She" and I were together, I'd make it a point to do one small, almost insignificant thing just for her. Bring her a cup of coffee in bed, made just they way she likes it. A rose on her pillow. A bottle of her favorite wine... A round-trip ticket to Honolulu... You know... something.

Romance isn't about the stereotypical Fabio fantasy, it's about showing that you care and I find, in my own little world here, that it's the little things that make the romance real.

maybebaby33 45M/45F

9/27/2005 2:18 pm


My wife brags on me all the time. I have done several romantic things during our lives together. Perhaps I'll write about one of our romantic adventures in my blog. Should I? Is that something you folks would like to hear about?

Rest assured, the story would be true...


purejoy4fem 46F/44F
682 posts
9/27/2005 3:11 pm

Romance goes by the wayside when you say "I do", but I do think the rocking chair was sweet

okyme 52F

9/27/2005 3:34 pm

Romance is only in the novels, which sucks because then we want it and can`t have it. But then again maybe you can romance him and teach him how to be a novel hahaahahah.
P.S. if theres a goddes and a angel, but a saint wants in, do you ever ask ....okYme? lol

dano6332 56M

9/27/2005 4:10 pm

Mandy, Romance is not "only in the novels" Today I bought a woman a book of poetry and last night we went and bought toys and a video together. I send flowers and deliver them in person to work so she blushes and I did this for all the years of my marriage. I think every guy is different and what is romantic to me is stupid to others.

It is called education and conversation. If you need this to feel special ( and all women do)than go and sit down with your spouse and tell him. You want flowers and candles and bubble baths and backrubs. I think if it stops or never happens he is dense and you need to tell him again. Were men, were stupid and we cant read minds. Go teach him what you want. And dont even tell me that if he doesnt do it on his own it does not count because that just makes you sad and he does not know why.

rm_ericingeneva 39M

9/27/2005 4:45 pm

You should never settle... make him understand what you need. I mean really he's got more benefits in your marriage than most he should be willing to go that extra step to make you fully happy. But if he manages to screw it up go easy on him. It may take a few tries to get up to speed.

keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
9/27/2005 6:18 pm

Try romancing him again. Maybe that'll give him a glimmer of what you need, and he will reciprocate.

Then again, you could just say the hell with it and get back to playing bridge with the ladies or whatever y'all females are doing these days.

Now that I have counseled you with both a yes and a no, my job here is finished.


digdug41 49M

9/27/2005 8:48 pm

mandy I just had to ask my wife if she thought I was romantic towards her and she said that I was I dont know what I do for her to say that and I didnt ask I just try to do sweet lil things for her to make her day sometimes and I guess I'll keep on doing that whatever it is I dont know you ask me a question like that and I turn into a seven year old and I'm like ewwww yuck but hey if shes happy I wont knock it

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

frogger1995 39F

9/27/2005 9:13 pm

Funny, I think it is simply a matter of the grass being greener. My first boyfriend (first "everything") was incredibly romantic...flowers all the time, surprises, kisses, etc. I felt completely smothered.

I've also been at the other end, where the guy never did anything, even so much as an out to dinner date. We would meet at his house or mine, watch TV, eat pizza and fuck. I wanted the ROMANCE again.

So I think we all just want what we think we don't have.

couplenextdoor55 42M/35F
25 posts
9/28/2005 6:25 am

Mandy I know how you feel. My husbands ides of romance is buying me a CD I wanted or letting me sleep in late and while I love what he does for me I do crave more. All I really want is to come home one night and find that he has lit a few candles and that he has a bottle of wine waiting and some flowers. Thats all I really need but alas he is not that kind of guy. Now don't get me wrong I love him more than I have loved anyone else in my life but it is hard to go without romance of that kind. And as to if that kind of romance does exsit outside of romance novels I'm here to say it does. My best friend and almost brother is the most romantic gut I know. I could share countless things that he has done for his girlfriends that would put even the best romance novle to shame.

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
9/28/2005 8:27 am

Oh Mandy,...
you are so sweet.
Romance is not the candles and the wine and the music. That 's just the scenery.
Romance is what two people feel towards each other. One look in each other's eyes... You could be inside four gray walls of stone and believe you 're in the garden of Eden!
Don't be pessimistic. Smell the roses. You 'll find romance where you least expect it!...

Big big hugs and kisses,

rm_Network_Minx 47F
542 posts
9/28/2005 12:08 pm

The worst thing is when it stops. My ex-husband was romantic before we got married. Then after we were married I didn't receive a birthday card, Christmas present or anything from him.
I do like romance but I also like men to do the little things like cook dinner for me.

SweetDarlinAngel 39F
2996 posts
9/28/2005 12:48 pm

Romance is a big thing for me. I need it. It is like a huge part of the big picture for me. I know that I should be happy with being loved, but for me I need romance, I am a very sensual person and a very romantic person. I need the romance and the sensuality to know that I am desired and loved. Without it I start to question things, I get insecure. I think thatyour ability to "live without it" and be happy shows great strength. I admire that. I don't have that stregth.


Submsvmisskitty 47F
14 posts
9/28/2005 7:42 pm

Hi Mandy....I so agree with you. Im a single Mom and would love to be romanced. Seems because of the kids and I seem to get the guys who "were married and want to remain single" type. Needless to say I get the wham bam thank you maam type. Im not sure if the romantic types really do exist.

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