Look me in the EYE  

goddessofbitches 41M/33F
5317 posts
1/17/2006 7:40 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Look me in the EYE

I find it a bit difficult when talking to some people to really look them in the eye. Generally speaking, I look people straight in the eyes when talking to them. Whether it's asking for directions, asking for a pen, or having general conversation.

But really annoys me, is that there are times that I can't look someone in the eye.

It's not about flirting, them turning me on, or them intimidating me. I find that it happens occasionally, even with people I've known forever.


What bugs me is, I like to think that when I make eye contact when speaking to a person, I am connecting to them on their level. It is something I have worked on since I was 12. Eye contact alone, provides me with details about a person. Kind of like when I mentioned I am extra perceptive. Well, when I start looking away from someone, it somehow makes me feel weak.

I am kicking myself in the ass now, because all day today, I was evasive. I couldn't look in anyone's eye, and I think it has something to do with the signals I have received regarding a friend of mine, or maybe even a family member.

I am aggravated by this...you would think that after 10 yrs of training myself to look people in the eye and face their doubts, their questioning looks, their rage, and even their sadness and happiness....I should be able to do it all of the time. But today, I let myself down. Some of you are probably saying..."Don't be so hard on yourself." Well..being hard on myself is what has brought me to the level I am at.

What are your thoughts on Eye Contact with others?

* And please take a minute to answer the poll I have below. I really appreciate it...

HUGS~~~MANDY


Always The Bitch


Cowboy_Deluxe 38M

1/17/2006 8:41 pm

I guess everyone has their struggles..I have never had that problem myself..I always look into someone's eye when talking to them. It shows that I'm paying attention, and want them to as well.
I understand being hard on yourself. I am hard on myself with my job. I finally broke down and timed myself when taking a altenator off of my car. I mean what type of person does that? Now your laughing for sure! Anyways, I strive at being effecient and getting faster when it comes to work. I let myself down, and yes kick myself in the ass. It's all good though we got tomorrow.
Cowboy.


ArgosPlumyKooky 45F
3902 posts
1/17/2006 9:03 pm

goddess ouch. reading this hurt. i agree with you, eye contact should be made, it makes me feel stronger, you connet more with the other party etc etc. however, when i am not having good day, or even some days when i feel (gulp) ugly, i make less eye contact if any at all.


msagro1979 37M
13 posts
1/17/2006 10:15 pm

Goddess,I look people in the eyes 4 those reasons, but I also do it 4 respect.I believe if ur talking with someone it's respectful, and polite 2 urself and the other person. After all u r having some sort of a conversation, right? Well then look them in the eyes, that's what I expect so give that person the same in return. Give what u get, or do unto others as u have them do unto u. that's some of the ways I look at it.
Msagro


boydcounty 67M

1/17/2006 10:25 pm

The eyes are the mirror to the soul. Remember, it is a mirror and often it is your own reflection your see.

-boydcounty-


bedroomice2003 43M

1/17/2006 10:46 pm

People break eye contact for a number of reasons. Most often it's a sign of submission. If you have a naturally submissive personality, even if it's a brilliant and outspoken one, you'll be more inclined to avert your eyes more often. If you have a naturally dominant personality, you'll tend to look directly at them. Ever notice what happens when you meet someone you find attractive? One of you will avert your eyes - the one who doesn't is usually the dominant partner in that relationship, even if it's not a romantic or sexual one.

Other things can get in the way as well. Your emotional state of mind, or your level of comfort with a social situation will cause you to avert your eyes. If you're in an awkward situation or worried about something completely unrelated, you might look everywhere but the person you're talking to. Obviously, you've trained yourself to consciously look someone in the eyes regardless of the situation, so you're noticing it more when it's not working.

It's just human nature, sweetie. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Most of us don't have very much control over our physical responses - the harder we try, the more difficult it is. Avoiding eye contact doesn't always mean you're intimidated, it just means that your brain is responding to maybe a hundred different physical and emotional cues that you might not be consciously aware of.

Just try not to hide those pretty eyes of yours too often.

Ian


Luvwetcunt1000 48M
1258 posts
1/17/2006 11:25 pm

In my previous job the last 19 years, my job required me to face customers. I'm generally a shy person but thanks to that job I learned how important eye contact is. Still, eye contact was never my strong point.

I'm the kind of person who thinks in pictures (there's a term for that but I can't remember). Whenever I speak I have to visualize it in my mind first and looking someone in the eye makes that picture disappear. I'm at a lost for words without those pictures in my mind.

I still have that problem and I don't know how to get around it.


rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
1/17/2006 11:53 pm

LOL! this is so funny because the other night I had someone who barely knows me accuse me of never looking people in the eyes -- because I refused to look HIM in the eyes -- his drugged out empty eyes; of course he was talking bullshit.

Listen, if at times you cannot look someone in the eyes I don't think it is a sign of weakness, I think it is just that at that moment you need to turn inward to reflect on something, and I am sure being inward looking is also something that got you as far as you have come, so since it is a rare occurence rather than a regular one, I truly think it is nothing to worry about.

I think when you look into someones eyes, you are entering them, their terrain (hence I did not want to enter that asshole's drug terrain). Having a certain amount of self containtment, sometimes retaining your own space and staying on your own terrain is just as important -- more important -- than crossing over to theirs.



[blog freelove999]


toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
1/18/2006 2:24 am


I always look you in the eyes...

I know no other way...


MyRealLoverOne 45M

1/18/2006 5:48 am

I would look you in the eyes...but then I might want to kiss you.


rm_coupleFWB 44M/27F
1 post
1/18/2006 3:42 pm

I have found since I came back from Chicago I can look strangers and others in the eye easier than before.

I've also noticed, when people have something big on their minds, they tend to advert eye contact b/c of those issues.

And btw...this is popmuse01, I got locked out of my single account so I'm using the couples account a friend of mine and I set up LOL. (in case you are wondering! )


sweethoneysouth 37F
280 posts
1/18/2006 6:21 pm

This post especially touched me. I find myself plagued with this problem way too often. I grew up probably the same as you if not worse. I am also "too hard on myself" which has definately driven me to be the person i am today. Some people look at this as a good trait. I am not so sure. That is something I guess I need to find out for myself.

I have grown attached to your blog because I feel like some of your thoughts and feelings reflect my own yet you are better at expressing them. The difference and probably the draw is that you are a stronger person than I am. I tend to be very withdrawn, shy, and meek, letting people get away with way to much. I notice that I am drawn to strong people so that maybe I will pull some of the strength from them and learn how to stand up for myself...

If you dont mind I am going to post these sentiments in my blog also. Because I feel they are a reflection of me.

Thank you.

SHS


simplysexforyou 45M

1/18/2006 6:24 pm

Eye contact is a challenge and is a sign of dominance. Look a dog in the eyes they will look away if they submit. It also means that maybe you are trying to hide something?
So GOB what is it that you are hiding?
Cause we all know your not submissive


goldinboy2 59M

1/18/2006 8:00 pm

I love eye contact I often feel I can read right into someone get a feel for them. Almost like reading there minds. Spooky.


rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
1/18/2006 10:11 pm

I try very hard, but when I know someone is looking in my eyes I feel like they can see right into my head and read my thoughts as though they were words on a page. I've found the best thing to do is look at the bridge of their nose instead. That way I don't feel like they're staring into my soul, but I can still appear to be looking them in the eyes.


guynamedjim 57M
716 posts
1/19/2006 12:38 am

I find eye contact very important. I have notice more often than not a gal at my place of work whom will talk with me but yet focuses on the floor or shifts eyes to wall or whatever. I think sometimes people feel like they get intimidated or something when actually it is nothing of that nature! I think it's a kick to see someone on there level and get to know them. Gee it is so much better than the net now. For I say this because our attention span is limited and we have become accustomed to up grading friends instead of getting to actually know anyone! Welcome to our new friendly world right?

[size4]...the EYES are the MIRROR of thy SOUL


Brainy42 52M

1/19/2006 5:15 am

Something nobody has mentioned yet...

When talking to others, many people have a tendancy to look away to the upper right or upper left. Interestingly enough, this is an indication of brain activity. If I remember my psych course correctly, the left brain is responsibe for rational, spatial and abstract thought. The right side is more language, creativity, etc. The visual centre is actually located in both hemispheres more or less in the centre and close to each other.

When the left side is stimulated, many people will unconciously look up and to the left. When the right is stimulated, they will look up and to the right. Wanna have some fun? Ask a friend a "tough" math question and watch they're eyes. Then ask them how to spell a long word.

Not everyone behaves this way and for those that do, it only happens under heavy brain activity.

Another thought... looking directly into someone's eyes is an intimate and personal experience and therefore at least for some, very emotional and potentially very distracting if you're dealing with anything other than an emotional, personal issue with that person.

By looking away at something less stimulating, you are calming the visual centres of the brain and thus able to use some those resources to consider the issue.

In business I always try to think unemotionally. When discussing complex issues at work, I find I will "zone out" and look a the wall, the ceiling or even close my eyes to consider the issue for a few moments. It's not a sign of weakness or submissiveness. It means my brain is busy. Kinda like the flashing LED on you hard disk drive. It indicates that the system is working.

Of course this hasn't helped me get laid recently.


__Huntress__ 55M/57F

1/22/2006 5:49 am

It's a terrible habit, I know it's a terrible habit ... I only glimpse ... I cannot do the "eye contact" thing ... I feel like it's some sort of invasion when someone attempts to lock their eyes on me ...

{=}


TaZmAnIa2002 37F

1/25/2006 1:26 am

Mandy,

I know how you feel.. I believe in Eye contact as well. you get to know ppl better and it allow you to form a bond with that person.


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