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For the Victim...... PART 4
For the Victim...... PART 4
One night, as my mom's divorce was getting closer to being finalized, my dad showed up. I didn't know he was there until I came home from a school thing. It was already March of 2001. My mom had met someone else.
WAIT!! I guess I should back up to that part where I explain my mom.
My mom isn't the brightest crayon in the box. She claims that she only married my dad so that I could have a dad....
She is only a school bus driver. SHe doesn't make that much.
She can't live without a guy. She has proved that to me with her choice of a man to live with. She has been with this same man since my dad and her split. He is actually the guy I am talking about in the first paragraph. She doesn't really love him, but she lives with him because she knows he will pay most of the bills, even if it takes him 2 days of overtime to do so.
Anyway, just to make a quick point, she isn't happy with this man she's picked, and my dad came over to talk to her.
When I walked in the door and saw him on the couch with her. I immediately swore, turned around and left. I was gone all night long. The police were looking for me, but luckily for me, my friends covered my tracks and kept me hidden...that is, until school the next day. If you are going to run away from home, don't go to school the next day.
The police warned me that I could be in big trouble if I pulled a stunt like that again. When I got home, my mom was so mad at me she smacked me. In her eyes, I could have at least stayed and talked it out. In my eyes, I wasn't going to let her take him back.
A week later, my dad showed up again. I was in my room listening to music when I heard his voice. I walked into the living room and there he was on the couch. I looked at my mother and then at him, took a deep breath and prepared to fight. I honestly believe that at that moment, I was my own lawyer fighting to win my case, the case of the century.
He started with
He was clean, hasn't done drugs since the break-up.
He was going to church...
He was taking kick boxing to get rid of the weight.
He was making more money at work and keeping it since he wasn't having to buy drugs.
All of these things he went over gave my mom hope. And I could see it. SHe was hoping a change like this would happen. But I on the other hand, wasn't buying into it. I wasn't going to. So I played my cards carefully. The first one was..
You and mom split before and then you claimed you had changed. Not even a week after you move back in you are doing the same old things. I don't believe any of the drug and church changes are to be believed.
He looked at my mom and then looked back at me. There was something different there. But I ignored it.
He pleaded with mom to give him a chance.
She said that all he had to do was get along with me and my sisters.
Then I made my next move. I refused to get along with him. I believe my exact words were
"It'll be a cold day in hell"
Then, because I saw my mom trying to choose, I made my last play.
"It's either him or me. If he moves in, I move out. If I move out, you will never, ever see me again. I have raised two kids, been responsible for holding down my job and going to school. I think that I am well groomed to live on my own."
That was the clincher. Afraid of loosing me, my mom chose me. With that choice, my dad and her got divorced that July, Once year after mom filed.
You would have thought that was going to be the end of it. Well...no....that's only the first half of the pain you suffer. The next half is the pain of being hurt everyday by your mother, and trying to forgive your father.
Always The Bitch
8/31/2006 9:04 am
your strength and courage amazes me, luv |
one thing, though...please don't say 'only a bus driver'...driving a school bus is a vital job, regardless of the low pay
8/31/2006 10:23 am
Mandy if you need me to listen let me know I will lend you my ears my eyes anything ok?|
8/31/2006 10:56 am
norprin--- That's the way I felt at that time. You have to remember that the young girl in me that was living that moment is talking. You will see that as this progresses, that my way of talking changes too. Like how the first two parts were written in the 3rd person. Then the last two I wrote my side. At that time, and the young girl still in me only views my mom as simply "a bus driver." |
Juicy-- Thanks. I will keep that in mind honey. Thanks again.
Always The Bitch
8/31/2006 11:31 am
I admire your courage! |
Sounds like the struggles aren't over yet. I hope your mom doesn't/didn't blame you for her decision later on and realized that it was for the best.
I'm leaving the site end of March. To those who want to keep in touch, see blog for details.