For the Victim Part 5  

goddessofbitches 41M/33F
5317 posts
8/31/2006 11:29 am

Last Read:
2/12/2007 9:13 pm

For the Victim Part 5

July, 2001. My mom and dad's divorce was finalized. It seems that when my parents marriage ended, so did my relationship with my mother.

She moved to be with her new boyfriend and left me in my hometown. Then, I got pregnant and all hell broke loose. She couldn't believe that after everything I had been through, ranting about how I could take care of myself, and insisting that my dad get out of our lives, that I would get myself in such a situation.

Later, that anger would turn into more arguments because of the man I chose for myself. The present Mr. Goddessofbitches.

Just after my son was born in March of 2002, my dad came to me and wanted to talk. He apologized for all the pain he put me through. He asked if I could forgive him and let him be a part of my son's life as his "Pe-Paw".

I was torn. I couldn't believe that here this man was asking for my forgiveness while my mother was hating me more everyday. And showing it too. She made sure that my sisters were given everything I ever wanted and never got. I would call to get advice and instead get lectured about how I was a slut, how I have thrown my life away, how I ruined my life.

It didn't make sense at all. For 5 years, I suffered with my dad, and now, for 5 years I have suffered with my mother.

When I got pregnant with my daughter in January 2004, it got worse. She started acting as though I wasn't supposed to be happy. She would tell me I needed to abort the baby because it would only make my life worse. She would tell me that I had nailed my coffin shut. This baby was the biggest mistake of my life.

All the while my dad was supportive of me. He would call and ask about my son and me. He would ask how my husband was and if we needed anything. He was truly trying to make amends for all of the evil, nasty, vile, and disgusting things he had done to me.

After all of this, what did I do to deserve this sick twisted sense of irony?




Always The Bitch

bedroomice2003 44M

8/31/2006 1:06 pm

Time makes fools of us all, forces us to re-evaluate all of our past beliefs and face our demons. Some of us choose to learn from our mistakes while others continue down the same self-destructive pattern. Obviously your dad had an epiphany that your mother hadn't. He made an effort to atone for his sins while your mother chose to remain vindictive and blame you for her lack of happiness. Sometimes it's just easier to stick to old familiar patterns - we deliberately injure ourselves and others to avoid being hurt again. Better the pain you know than the pain you don't.

Maybe men have an easier time compartmentalizing their emotions, so when they know they fucked up it's easier for them to try to find closure and move on while women have a much harder time separating their emotions from the equation and continue to beat themselves up long after the abuse.

My mother would tell me all kinds of vindictive things about my father, and while the facts were rarely in dispute, I was often the brunt of her frustrations and unhappiness. As a result, my father remained mostly ambivalent toward me and we never really bonded as father and son, and we hardly speak to each other. Not because he didn't care, but because he chose to ignore his past rather than face it. He got remarried and it became clear that I was not a priority in his new life. So in effect, he divorced me as well as my mother.

He's made a few weak attempts to atone, but the damage was already done and we are never anything more than cordial with each other rather than loving or supportive.

I was never the victim of abuse, per se, although it was a tough childhood. Parents don't always see the damage they do to their children when one or both parties refuse to face their demons. My mother was living in the past while my father simply pretended it never happened.

All of this has shaped who I am as a person. Not all of it was negative: I'm generally more compassionate and considerate of others. I'm also self-reliant because I've had times when there was no one I could depend on but myself. I've learned to integrate it into my life and not allow it to affect my self-esteem or the way I treat others. I'm still healing, and will for a long time, and I know you will as well. Your confessions only demonstrate that to your credit.


JuicyBBW1001 54F

8/31/2006 4:29 pm

Well Mandy the same is true for me. My mother and I are on the outs more then we are on the ins and I have accepted that as the norm for us. My dad however in the later years of his life was my biggest fan and supporter. Funny how things change.
And the commenter above is so right. Scars like the one's you bare will never completely go away and you shouldn't let them either in my opinion. If they only serve to remind you of how not to parent your children then they are worth having. Believe me I know this to be true with my own daughter. She never has to question whether or not she is LOVED because I demostrate that to her through actions and words.
Like I said you need a shoulder or ears to hear reach out and I will be there for you.


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
8/31/2006 4:48 pm

Oh man, DRAMA...DRAMA ,......of Saint MAMA..... that was cute and I love the pic

After all of this, what did I do to deserve this sick twisted sense of irony?

You did nothing but thats true, its really screwed up.

marriedsex6419 52M

8/31/2006 7:57 pm

Thanks for opening up. We love getting to know everything about you. You inspire and energize all at once.

You are the bitchiest in blogland... jk

you are my fav.

rm_anacortes 74M
2850 posts
8/31/2006 9:03 pm

Here's a BIG BIG.. hugggggggggggggggggg for YOU!!!!

norprin5 55M

8/31/2006 9:47 pm

waiting patiently

King Nor XVIII

Passion247000 46F
3195 posts
9/1/2006 2:11 am

It is the worse feeling to be stuck in the middle, between two matter how grown up we are... I feel for you, Mandy.... Mom sometimes are harder to deal with....not sure why? Mom are good at guilt treat too...sometimes you just have to stand strong and put your foot down...You have to do what is best for you and your glad that your dad is available and giving you the support you need... As for your mom...sigh.... she must be unhappy about her own life and feels as if she is losing control of you, her daughter.... Try to be honest with mom and tell her how you feel...if she can't accept it...well that's her issues... Let it you life the way you feel right.... Stay strong and be well...{{{warm hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

Passion247000 46F
3195 posts
9/1/2006 2:23 am

Dear Mandy....One thing that is very important! Please please DO NOT allow your kids to have any unsupervised visits with your dad....Once a molester, always a matter how he is acting now.... I have heard and seem so many cases like is heart breaking!!! ...Stop the cycle of abuse!!!! {{{{my heart goes out to you, sweetie....}}}}}

Passion247000 46F
3195 posts
9/1/2006 2:29 am

Someone once told me "You should forgive BUT should NEVER forget!" ...and I leave you with that.....{=} {{{my arms wide open...tight comforting hugs}}}}

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
9/1/2006 2:43 am

my father was violently abusive too and i do actually find it easier to forgive that than i do the manipulations, verbal abuse and negative image of myself that my mother subjects me too. but... hmmm... i cut them all off; i'd had enough. i didn't want them involved in my life anymore, because they hadn't made any really positive contributions, and i decided rather to focus on my positive relationships to build a positive life.

[blog freelove999]

boydcounty 67M

9/1/2006 6:09 am

Wow!! That is all I can say about this continuing saga. It is riveting. I am on the edge of my seat waiting for the next installment. I can feel your hurt and pain. Thank you for sharing.

- boydcounty -
Just a few miles East on I64


CuriousKitty675 41F
365 posts
9/1/2006 6:50 am

Mandy darlin..

It's so good to see you back. I've missed you!! <3

It's horrible what happened to you and as Passions said above "once a molester always a molester". It's hard to accept but true. Kinda like and murderers, they can behave perfectly in prison only to be let out and do it again but harder to catch. Why? Because in prison they are in a controled enviroment. That's what you will need to do too. Make it a controled enviroment. Harsh but true again. But I'm sure you know this so I won't beat it with a stick.

As for your Mom? Seems to me that she fears that you are making the same mistakes she is but then when she saw that you were actually happy there were jealousy issues because you made it work where she couldn't. True she might have only married your dad because of you and likely she blames you for that BUT that is her issue not yours. She needs to buck up and realize that she made the wrong choice and it was her's and her's alone. She just can't own up to the things that she did wrong and instead of facing it is looking to lash out at others. I don't recall seeing on the posts that you ever told her what your father did to you. Did I miss that? Did you ever tell her? If so, what was her response to that?

Seems to me that guilt and jealousy are two horses driving her chariot on her self-righteous little path. Tell her in no uncertain terms that if she can't be civil that you don't want her in you or your family's life anymore. You don't need that kind of poison in your home or your life. You're too good of a person to have to put up with that sweetheart. You deserve so much more.

<3 <3


toothysmile 50M
16514 posts
9/2/2006 5:50 pm

you are an exceptional person. you move me. kisses.

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