A little closer look at me....  

goddessofbitches 41M/33F
5317 posts
9/30/2005 4:14 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A little closer look at me....

So..how many of you have questions for me that you want to ask?

Now is your chance....

I am going to start off by telling you guys why it is that I seem so mature for my age. LOL...I know...I hear the whispers coming from those I have talked to in chat. I was just playing around in there. On a serious note, I am pretty mature for my age compared to where other women are my age.

When I reached the age of 10, I was the official babysitter/caretaker/nanny of two sisters. Some of you are like...I have siblings...I had to do the same thing...What's the big deal?

Big deal is, I spent all day every day (except while in school) taking care of kids. During school, I would come home from school and begin by feeding them. Then changing them. Then bathing them. Then whatever else they needed.

So instead of attending tea parties and sleep overs...or whatever else 10yr old girls do..I was taking care of kids.

Where were your parents?
I get that question a lot. My dad was in 3 places. He was either at work...in the bed...or in the bathroom. The only thing he ever wanted to do with me is to horrible to talk about. So...hoping that the people of blogland take the hints...you probably need no explanation. My mom was working or in the bed. And before you say anything...yes MY MOM did provide for me. She put a roof over my head and she bought food...but that was it. When it came to other necessities..like medicine...doctor visits...I was S-O-L. She was always wanting me to take care of my sisters because she didn't feel good. WHATEVER...There are days I don't feel good...but I still take care of my kids!!
No...I don't think my dad did anything for me but cause me grief. My dad spent his money on drugs. So...I don't consider him EVER providing for me.

What did I do when I had free time?
Well...when I had free time, I studied. I studied for school and read up on as much as I could about divorces. I wanted my parents to divorce so bad....I would have given anything for it to happen. I am proud to announce that I succeeded my mission. They got divorced when I was 16 almost 17.

Yes I know...I sound like a bitch...but don't forget who's blog your visiting!! LOL

Well....take all of that shit from growing up...add the experience I went through when my son was born...add my daughters birth...a few years living from paycheck to paycheck...and you get


But don't pity me. Don't feel bad for me. It was a lesson I am glad I learned. For when I talk to my neighbors...whose ages range from 21-24, I don't feel like they are my peers. I think of myself as older than them. Like a "mother" to them. Guiding them with their problems or whatever.

I guess when I really look at it, I consider this lesson to be a bitch of a lesson. "Bittersweet" for lack of a better term. Sure...I didn't get the child hood I deserved. I was abused and used.
But at least I have a head start on what I want in life. I mean...I'm already saving money for my retirement. Most don't start that until much later on.

So...look at me as a peer...if you will...or look at me as dumb and naive...whatever...
I really don't care.
Just don't pity me or feel sorry for me. I hate that.


Always The Bitch

rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
9/30/2005 4:35 pm

It wouldn't ever occur to me to feel sorry for you, as I hate that as well. But is it OK if I respect and admire you like crazy?

The thing I like the best is that, under the 'take no prisoners' exterior, you have allowed your natural intelligence, warmth and sensitive nature to stay alive.

I think you're great now, but as you continue through life, you are going to be even MORE AWESOME THAN YOU ALREADY ARE!

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
9/30/2005 4:45 pm

I know exactly how you feel when it comes to liveing with a drug addict. My sister's ex used to live with us and he was a coke addict. He was both physically and verbally abusive to both me and my sister and their 2 kids...One day when I was 16 he had been kicked out. He came by to harrass us and he was going to break down the door...I ended up pulling a 12 gauge on him and pointed it at him through the window. He decided to leave and thats the last Ive ever seen of him...So I know how you feel when dealing with that sort of abuse but like you I dont like pity and I dont give it...but you do have my admiration and respect for the ordeals you've gone through...What doesnt kill you makes you stronger

realmom2 58M/50F

9/30/2005 4:48 pm

Don't worry, I won't pity you, in fact, I'm very impressed by you, you've overcome A LOT of crap and emerged a very strong women. Most people would have given up, but you toughened up. Your kids have a great mom, and your husband better appreciate the hell out of you. No my dear Mandy, you're NOT a bitch, you're just a cautious woman, who's been to hell and back, and came out on top. I don't pity you, in fact I almost envy you, I wish I could be that strong. The only person I pity is the one who calls you dumb and naive. Love ya.

SweetDarlinAngel 39F
2996 posts
9/30/2005 5:25 pm

Though I am (I believe) 6 years older than you, (I think you're 22?) You and I have a lot more in common than I would have ever known possible before reading this blog of yours today. It must be what draws me to keep reading your posts. I think that you are an amazing woman and never once has it crossed my mind that you are too mature for your age. I find that you are quite perfect for who you are. Your age never came into play when speaking to you or reading your blogs. When in chats with you, I've probably come across as more childish and impish than you are. LOL But, hey, that is just my way.
You are exactly what you seem to be. A woman who comes across as a Goddess. If people expect someone to act as though they are less than that, then they should perhaps carry on to another blog.
Take Care Sweetheart,


rm_anacortes 74M
2850 posts
9/30/2005 5:35 pm

Thanks for sharing... do you have a parther.. will your partner blog too?


maybebaby33 45M/45F

9/30/2005 5:52 pm


Just when we thought we could not love you any more than we already do, you surprise us again. Your stregnth in the face of overwhelming adversity and the nightmare of abuse is truly inspiring. You are a woman of true character.

digdug41 49M

9/30/2005 5:55 pm

hey mandy good stuff I'm gladthat another here has shown a more in depth side to themselves besides me and I appreciate your honesty,I think that our paths in life our already determined for some reason dont ask me why but hey your doing your thing so keep on keepin on and be the strength for your family as you already have been foryour siblings and just roll with the punches you sound like a strong woman who knows what she wants in life and that is good at a young age so that way when your older you can really enjoy life well mandy that is all I'm gonna say on that I told sda that you and her are the tent pitchers of the blog community because I start out reading your erotic blogs sitting up but by the end I'm crouched over going dayum she's a freaky girl and I know I'm not the only male that feels that way plus my wife gets the benifits of those erotic stories so please keep writng them fuck viagra all I need is the tent picherstrs crew g.o.b and s.d.a take care luv

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
9/30/2005 6:53 pm

*HUGS ya*

HAve I told you lately how admirable you are?

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

MillsShipsGayly 51M

9/30/2005 11:22 pm

Oooooh baby I love your way ....


MillsShipsGayly 51M

9/30/2005 11:23 pm

great smile

the smile of a child

you haven't lost that

okyme 52F

9/30/2005 11:23 pm

well ok now you said to ask a question but nobody has, so I will and it will be about what you just wrote. I can see you have no ill feelings for your mom is she still around in your life? and if so has she gotten any better?

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
10/1/2005 4:35 am

I would never pity you. You are a strong and beautiful woman.
And I do love your smile.
This wasn't an easy post to read, but having read it, my admiration for you has grown.
Big hugs,
big kisses...

pussinboots4u 50M/47F

10/1/2005 5:13 am

How could anyone pity you? Pity is what people get when they give up on themselves. You didn't do that, not only did you step up and take responsibility for your siblings, but you bettered yourself through your experience. You're extraordinary!

Now, I have a question for you: Do you feel that you are able to compensate your feelings of a lost childhood through your children?

keithcancook 60M
17839 posts
10/1/2005 5:48 am

Do you like to dance? I gather you did not get much chance to do so while growing up.

rm_ericingeneva 39M

10/1/2005 5:59 am


I grew up with a mentally disturbed parent. My story doesn't compare to yours but I survived mine and it made me stronger. For those of us that were abused there seems to be just 2 groups of people. Those that came out stronger and those that came out broken. Its clear that you came out stronger. You deserve praise not pity.

letigre1974 42M

10/1/2005 6:06 am

seriously, you have my gnome? did you know girl gnomes have beards too, making it hard to distinguish the two? maybe we could work in something of a foursome...ceramic sounds sexy! lol...how you been?

SoljerBlu 39M

10/1/2005 7:05 am

I feel almost guilty that I grew up in way different time and world. My childhood was the idyllic 50's-60's suburban life. I didn't have to really grow up til after high school.. but the lessons came pretty hard from there. Perception and wisdom are not age-dependent qualities.. ya either got'em or ya ain't. YOU GOT"EM, GIRL!

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
10/1/2005 9:15 am

You are not mature because of all that was done to you, but because of the excellent choices you have made (and the ones that didn't go so well, but you chose to learn). I grew up in similar circumstances, also being the eldest girl with loads of siblings I took care of -- but not all my siblings chose to take it and make it their strength --- you chose to make your pain into strength, and that is why I love and admire you (apart from your beautiful body) ...

[blog freelove999]

TaZmAnIa2002 37F

10/1/2005 11:14 am


Dear you have done very well for yourself, and overcoming so many obstacles.. Each hurdle you overcome you gain wisdom... you are a very smart young lady as well a a cute one... I admire and repect you for standing your ground and being who you are...

goddessofbitches 41M/33F

10/1/2005 11:28 am


THANKS ALL FOR COMMENTING and saying such sweet things. I made it a point to tell people not to feel sorry for me BECAUSE I don't feel sorry for myself and I just don't like sympathy.

Anacortes~~ My husband will post something in a few days. He reads my blog a lot...he just hasn't had time to post anything yet.

Princess~~~ No...you haven't...but I think I get the message...

Okyme~~~ On the contrary...I do have ill feelings for my mom...it's just that I have more HATE for my dad. My mom is still around...lives about 30 minutes from me...but...to get her to watch my kids is like pulling teeth. I practically have to bribe her to take my kids. That's sad.

Puss~~~ Hard to say. I know that as for going out to play and playing video games...I do that from time to time..lol...I do play with my kids whenever I am not busy and I really enjoy playing with some of their toys. I guess we'll see....

Keith~~~ I LOVE to dance. I really want to take ballroom dancing lessons..or something like that.

Good questions guys...THANKS!!!!


Always The Bitch

goddessofbitches 41M/33F

10/1/2005 11:29 am

Thanks TaZ~~~ I will remember that.


Always The Bitch

MillsShipsGayly 51M

10/1/2005 3:32 pm

.... and why are you .. the ... goddess of bitches?

dano6332 56M

10/1/2005 4:35 pm

Mandy, I just love you sweetie. Hell you have read how I grew up so your just another survivor who overcame and succeeded like me and others. It is a bond and I am proud to know you and consider you a chum. xo Dan

rm_StripPokher 57M
387 posts
10/2/2005 4:05 am


Oh, I don't know if you had it so bad. I grew up in a family where we had virtually nothing but each other and our work. See, on a farm there is no minimum age limit. In fact my older sister began working on the farm in addition to going to school and helping ma care for us younger kids at the age of 5, while dad worked from before dawn til after dusk. By the time I reached the age of 5, I daily herded 100+ cows to and from pasture alone, fed 20+ baby calves milk and grain to the older ones, began helping pa pitch stalls and load the spreader (unfortunately for me I was too short to get the pitchfork over the side of the spreader. By the time I was 10, I milked 50+ cows once a day, pitched all the stalls, cleaned an acre+ area of concrete slab with a hand scraper and shovel, moved irragation pipe, fed baby calves, helped ma w/my younger sisters, and went to school. We had no time for TV, and rarely games. Every day, 365 days a year. rue, it got better as time and our hard work paid off, but believe it or not we had it better than many less fortunate farmers in our immediate area. And so, I say, although the obsacles were opportunities that you seized, involuntarily so, to make you stronger, it was not any one thing, it was your confidence, well-being, and balance...your inner strength that built and ultimately prevailed. Of course, if you don't recognize this fact, you will as you grow older, secure in the knowledge that whatever may befall you and your loved ones, you will always prevail, you will always be ok, for you understand life...and what it has to offer.

And that you need make excuses to nothing and no one...ever.


mnfun952 102M

10/2/2005 12:01 pm

Hi Mandy -

Before I even read what others have commented... I have to say that I'm proud of you. You were strong and did the right thing - taking care of yourself and the younger kids. People who 'go through stuff' at a young age tend to look at life much differently that people who don't have to deal with 'the shit' until much later. I'm sure you're a better person because of everything you've gone through and I'm sure you have the ability to see the good things that life can offer. Remember to have fun..have a LOT of fun...and keep those fantasies brewing in that cute little head of yours.

Take care BABY!!!


rm_Bct2Esi 51M/50F
1375 posts
10/6/2005 8:16 am

Wow, you are more gutsier then me, I wouldn't have posted that stuff. Its nice to see that I am not the only one on this planet that had close to the same childhood

I was going to post more, but my 16 year old just called me from the high school crying, she needs some tylenol, one of our teachers son's passed away last night and they called the kids into an assembly to tell them

I will post more later. Right now my 16 year old needs me

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