HOW CAN IT NOT BE FUCKING PERSONAL???!!!!!!  

girltech47 59F
552 posts
8/16/2005 11:31 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

HOW CAN IT NOT BE FUCKING PERSONAL???!!!!!!

So much for life being good again.

He broke up with me again tonight...for good and on voicemail. He said that we needed to talk and that it would probably be better to wait until tomorrow to discuss it. THEN he went on to say that it just wasn't working for him. There was no way in hell that I could have waited until tomorrow to discuss a message like that!

He said that he just can't be in a relationship right now and that it's not personal.

HOW CAN IT NOT BE FUCKING PERSONAL???!!!!!!

When we met, it was magical (his word) in a sense. We really enjoyed being together and we seemed to feed each other's needs. He was so passionate and attentive to me. It was like he couldn't get enough of me. He called me all the time which just really made me feel good and he brought me flowers twice. The last time being just 2 nights ago. From the very beginning he told me that he loved me. I didn't really say much to that until I decided to open myself up completely to him and allowed myself to fall in love with him. He had my total faith and trust. I really thought I had found my soul mate. That never happens.

He has a couple of really great teenagers that live with him and I was really enjoying getting to know them and was already starting to get attached to them. His daughter even asked to talk with me one day privately about her new boyfriend. I felt so honored. I don't really have much of a family, so I was really enjoying the "family" type stuff. I am really going to miss those kids.

About a week ago he dropped a huge bomb on me. I'm not going to betray his trust and say what it was, but it hit hard. (It wasn't an STD or anything like that.) After that he started to get really crabby with me. He would say things that hurt my feelings, etc. He even snapped at me once during sex. That was not well received on my part at all. He kept saying that he was sorry and that things would get better soon. So I tried to be patient during those times. More and more things started to change. He didn't seem to be all that interested in sex and he stopped being passionate towards me. I think that was the hardest part because I had wanted to find a passionate man like him for a long time.

Last Sat I wrote something in my blog about the passion being gone. He got really angry with me about that and broke up with me. I had no idea what the problem really was and I couldn't believe how he just broke up with me so easily. On Sun he called and apologized and said he didn't really know why he got so upset either. He asked me to be his girlfriend again and of course I agreed. That night I asked him to meet me over at Psycho Tattoo which is the place where I got a piercing not too long ago. We got there around 8:30 to find that the place closed at 8:00 on Sun. I was prepared to go to his place afterwards. For some reason I thought we had already decided that. But he didn't really want me to come over, which of course hurt my feelings, because he was tired and wanted to just go home and go to sleep. I was kind of upset because he was asleep when I got there on Fri night and was still asleep when I left late the next morning. I didn't see him Sat night because that was when he broke up with me. Plus I had something to take care of Mon night. He started to get into his car to leave because he didn't want to argue about it and I asked him if he was running off just because things got a little tough. So he didn't leave and then said something about wanting me to come over, which btw he said he was really glad I did come over after all.

He would call me most everyday on his way to work, on his way home, and once or twice during the day. I never asked him to do these things, he just did. This morning he didn't call and I started to worry. So I called him to make sure everything was ok, which it was. He has been very busy at work this week and had ended up working late last night. Since the plan was for me to go to his house tonight, I called him around 6:00 because I hadn't heard from him and wanted to know when I should come over. He was tired and in a lot of traffic at the time and said he would call me back when he got home. Next thing I know it's 8:00 and I haven't heard from him so I called again. He really bit my head off saying that he was tired of his phone getting messages and ringing all the time. So I said ok I would let him go and hung up...quickly. I don't get angry very easily but that really made me mad. I was tired of him snapping at me all the time for no reason. I rarely called him compared to as often as he called me and I have only called him once or twice at work. After that I left and went to the grocery store. He called me back as I was putting the groceries in my car and since I was still mad I didn't answer the phone. That is when he left the voicemail breaking up with me.

When I got home I called him. What it all boiled down to was that he felt our relationship wasn't working for him and that he felt it wasn't working for me either. He said that he needed to focus more on his job and kids. He was already doing that so it really didn't make much sense to me. He also said that he was tired of living a lie which didn't make sense to me either. I asked him what brought this on and he said that nothing did and that it wasn't about me. He's breaking up with me and it's not about me?....I just don't get that. I asked him when he started feeling this way and he said it was a week ago to which I asked why he called to make up on Sun if he wanted to break up. He said something about his being afraid of missing out on a good thing. That's me...a good thing. When we made up on Sun I told him that it really bothered me that he could just throw me away so easily. There was no real answer to that except that he didn't throw me away. I told him that he was going to have to regain my trust that he wouldn't just get mad and break up with me again. And so here we are again.

One of the things that I've noticed is that when things start to get tough, he runs away. That sounds a bit cowardly to me. He indicated that I should be appreciative that he said something to me instead of just disappearing which is what he usually does. THE GUY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN LOVE WITH ME...I DON'T SEE JUST DISAPPEARING AS BEING AN OPTION!

I would love to wake up tomorrow to his calling me to apologize and to tell me how much he loves me and doesn't want to be without me. But I don't see that happening. Even if it did, how could I trust him to not do it again?

Before now I have spent a lot of years not being in a serious relationship. I felt that a man would complicate my life too much. Now when I finally meet someone that I could actually see myself spending the rest of my life with and tells me the same thing, it just all goes to hell.

I know this is a really long post. Thank you for taking the time to read it. I just desperately needed to tell someone.


lifeisablast333 54M

8/17/2005 12:45 am

to do it on voice mail is totally wrong.....what a creep....life will improve.....nice people do inhabit parts of this earth...............


rm_willie8one2 70M
573 posts
8/17/2005 7:29 am

Keep on looking for what you want and do not let the hurting get to you. I have known 3 great loves or should I say soulmates and many lovers over the years. My first was my first wife that left me with a house and 2 children after she decided she wanted a business career rather than being a stay at home mom. I then found a lady that said she loved me and I know I loved her. She was 2 weeks from having her divorce finalized from a man that beat her when he was drunk and was unfaithful also. She told me her priest had said she should not go through with the divorce and should stay with her husband, they had not lived together for 2 year after he broke her arm in a drunken rage. I never understood why some women will put up with this and go back for more. My third and last was my now deceased wife of many years that was everything a man could want. Things happen in life that can be good, then hurt and we must be strong and carry on.


pierd 51M
222 posts
8/18/2005 6:57 pm

Nothing wrong with a long story - some need to be told.

more on my blog, http://AdultFriendFinder.com/blog/pierd


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