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my two penny worth of self-praise
my two penny worth of self-praise
if there is one lesson that i have never learnt by heart despite committing the same crime over and over again for a gazillion time, it has to be my tendency to whine, moan, complain, grumble, lament, and self-critical.
some girlfriends gently advised me that no guy in his right frame of mind would want to be with a girl who does nothing but constantly rant endlessly about her life and self, let alone be attracted to me. they did that in a subtle manner for fearing that they'll hurt my fragile emotion but sealed with good faith because somehow they felt inclined to knock some senses into my head for my betterment. it baffles those surrounding me because they simply cannot think of any good reason for my misery at this age of a quarter of a century. it is supposed to be my prime time and the best time, so why else would i brood and sulk instead of having my cup of life filled with bliss and joy? baffles me too, so i always have more questions than answers.
however, i think it is very true that men normally would detach themselves from troubled women. so far, only the man who has acted in such a manner and learnt from his mistake has made big bucks out of this natural habit. he is none other than the author of "men are from mars, women are from venus". but my favourite mistake of all time is realizing what is bad for me and get addicted to it, i.e. drowning myself in self-pity, suffocating myself in self-flagellation (not related to sex at all...), gagging myself in killing myself in self-destruct, trapping myself in self-righteous, attacking myself with self-conscious. while people may get addicted to sex or coffee, yours truly might very well be addicted to misery...
of late, my recent blog postings have taken from an enthusiastic approach to a morbid one. instead of sharing experiences, i am pouring my heart and soul like there's no tomorrow. it's like starting by hanging out lingerie to dry and now all that i have are torn and stained grandmama panties and bras! such disgrace of washing my dirty linen in public, what have i become? a wreck, once again?
today is a busy day for me, well at least i have errands to keep my occupied until late tonight where i have the time to sit down and recollect my thoughts before typing away. i accompanied my dad for his medical checkup and i must say that i am very relieved that his health scoresheet is pretty clean. after that, we headed for kl city centre to buy some groceries from the dry food item wholesaler. either it's the PMS or weather, i just lose my cool when placing my order with the shopkeeper. i felt that i was wrongly accused because he said that i implied that he was cheating me. i reiterated my orders because the last time when i requested for one particular item, i was given the other instead, hence i was very careful from then onwards. anyhow, another co-worker of his tried to calm me down by taking my orders instead. oh, what an experience.
we got home at around 3pm and there was no food in the house. i drove to the nearest shopping mall and had KFC. i ate with a vengeance to compensate for all the frustration in town earlier on. if i continue to do the same by taking it out on the food intake whenever i am upset, i am seriously going to have a body expansion problem.
talking about body expansion, a person told me that i might be a little less than realistic when i say that looks only matter to a certain extent, or looks do not matter to a certain extent. i was cited an example of an overweight person, would i still want to see him again? or date him?
again, this looks issue is a sensitive and abstract one. i would like to maintain, in my self-defense, that i still stand by my principle that looks do matter to a certain extent and looks also do not matter to a certain extent...if you can see my point here despite the contradiction. yes, i am afraid i am one real gemini woman who speaks and acts like one. say if you're looking for a real hot babe or hunk, that's fine because humans are always attracted to pretty and symmetrical creatures. realistically speaking, AdultFriendFinder has a variety of members of a hotch-potch of body shape, culture, age, educational background, and features among other things. so this concentration of gene pool with the common interest in sex definitely cannot only harbour those of the pretty and gorgeous, handsome and good-looking, am i right? obese or skinny, i'll still not lose interest provided we share some common topics of conversation and some level of chemistry.
so, this person cited another example. "if you have a belly, would you want the other person to have one too? OF COURSE NOT" i was told. ok, here is the good part. we say that if we cannot begin to love/accept ourselves, how can we love/accept the other person or get the other person to love/accept us? love and acceptance begins from us. so, if you have a belly and you won't want the other person to have one as well, this means that you cannot even begin to love and accept your belly...so how do you expect the other person without the belly to love and accept you? i have always believed that what goes around, comes around.
while it is natural that an ugly person would want a gorgeous person but this does not apply vice versa, seeing someone totally opposite of you is not something that i'd recommend. never mind that opposites attract, in real world, you do need a certain degree of similarity. so, it is cute to see couples who have a belly each and it is almost as normal to see couples who have a belly and a washboard each, what's the problem then?
if you love and accept the person wholeheartedly because you found something in him/her that drives you mad (not necessarily sexual attraction), belly or not, you'll gradually accept the way he/she looks. of course along the way, i do not rule out the possibility that you might ask him/her to change a little about the he/she looks. but i still think with changes, it comes with acceptance first.
looks won't last forever, unless you swear by cosmetic surgery. obviously we still have to define that the looks we're talking about here still lies in the acceptable parameters and not excessively terrifying, like a walking corpse...that's bad.
having said all the above, i think some people are going to think that i am in one of my angry and furious moods again. no, you are wrong. gotcha! i am merely stating my point of view, not sure if that person will read...but your answer is right here.
ugly is by definition. do you think cleopatra is pretty? in the ancient days, she was deemed the fairest of them all. watching one of the documentaries on discovery channel recently, it was reported that cleopatra or marilyn monroe or any other sex symbols, had they been alive today, they'll have to go under the knife many times just to fit into the description of the sex symbol defined in the 21st century...definitions of pretty or ugly evolves with time, so i guess it's about time to evolve our thoughts too. while freckles were frowned upon in the early years, today we see supermodels being lauded for their freckles!
again, the golden rule of thumb remains, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. if you join a bunch of blinds, there will never be light at the end of the tunnel. if you join a bunch of colour blinds, there will never be green or red light at the traffic lights. if you join a bunch of attitude blinds, there will never be inner beauty...and that's what i possess.
8/1/2005 1:57 am
Should seriously consider BDSM. Set u free. U NEVER know.|
8/3/2005 5:29 pm
Forgive me for reading backwards .Ya you really can rant and rant and after spending abt 3 minutes i then see the connection of your" 2 cts worth of praise " to inner beauty .|
How do you describe inner beauty and why do you think you have that ?
Did you base it on feedbacks from friends , peers or self review .