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Have you ever had a premonition? A feeling so strong you could see the events unfold before you?
Tonight I have had such an event and am not sure if it is fantasy, a wish, or a dream, only time will answer this. Someone who has been in my thoughts of late is suddenly invading my mind, someone beyond my station. Tonight it is as if they are here with me and a situation is being played out before my eyes, but in my mind.
I have had these feelings before and can only recall one other time that what was imagined or felt came to pass as real. Then, as now, it was as if I was seeing the recent future, seeing what was to be. I can not hope that this is real for what I have imagined is beyound any dream, it is pure fanatsy.
The thought of this is comical at best, that the situation could come to pass. If even for a moment they would consider me is more of a joke than a reality. How could they even find in me something of interest to them. I am not what is of interest to them. I was only someone to use and cast off as one would an old garment. Why now would they come to mind with such force as to bring on these feelings?
Months have passed without word, without answer to queries of interest, why now a premonition of closeness where none has ever been?
Yet do I lose sleep over this, for the feeling is that strong, like a scene in a movie playing before my eyes, I see them before me and hear us speak, this can not be I think to myself, and yet do I hear the words in their voice, know the mannerisims of how they move, see the face, those eyes.
To watch the eyes one sees more than the soul, one can see truth and lie or indifferance, with them it was not easy to see any of this, only to reviel that they had been hurt deeply and had learned to vail the eyes and not show feelings. Before we met for the first time did I study these eyes to know them by sight. When first I did introduce myself was asked how I knew them and answered, by your eyes.
Why now do they come to me in such a way, not in a dream but in the wakeing hours and so strong as to be a real moment of past memory? This is more query than truth for what flight of fancy could bring them to me, I would be but soil under their feet, tread on quickly and forgotten.
Why do I write of this, because it has brought me out of my sleep stirred my emotions with discourse at the reality of the feelings and left me to wonder why.
So vivid is the scene as to play itself out before my eyes even now, what now do I make of it but fantasy, for what hope does one such as I have that would be equal to one such as they?