|Blogs > funintheday2006 > CLITICALLY CHALLENGED|
Sweetness, WATCH OUT I know who you are.. I think
Sweetness, WATCH OUT I know who you are.. I think
Sweetness comes in many forms and I’ve just experienced a wonderful show of genuine warmth.
Not being used to this kind of thing, especially at work, I am somewhat nonplussed and I feel real good about myself, cannot even explain the feeling. ( Is this really me, lost for words?)
It all started about 2 years ago when the lady in charge of the office told me she was employing an 18 year old. My reaction? Bloody teenagers, workshy, knowitalls and illiterate to boot. You will have recognised by now that I am a fair and reasonable person not given to generalising. (?)
Anyhoooo, the teen devil arrived in the office, on time and with a wide smile. Oh well, I’ll make an effort and welcome her, I thought.
Little did I know how this very short bundle of energy was to change the face of the administrative side of the business.
Cutting a long story short ( now, that’s really not like me, is it?) within a couple of months she could do everyone else’s work just as well as she did her own and was always the first to volunteer for extra duties. She also changed my office to reflect the Fueng Shui aspects of life and installed many strange hanging things and plants around the place.
All very strange but, I try not to interfere!
It has to be said that my somewhat direct and sarcastic humour tends to intimidate the quieter members of the establishment and so I have to think before speaking, not easy I can assure you.
I have a brain and a mouth gear and the 2 rarely, if ever, are synchronised.
This young lady was different, she was a match for the caustic comments and could fire back the bullets with relish and enjoyment. The relationship was set, we fenced and thrusted the barbs frequently, and, I have to admit, I loved being challenged in this way.
She is a bit of a tomboy and a few months ago expressed a desire to visit the land down under for a years work before deciding on her future.
Now, when I was her age, I would have given the Earth to be given such an opportunity so knowing her character and the fact that it would help develop her as a person I offered to give her a years leave of absence and to sponsor her.
In true style this was greeted with “If you want rid, just sack me!”
I retorted that it would give me much more pleasure to sack her when she returned and had no money or prospects as there would be no employment in this country for either sheep shearers or arachnophobic dwarfs.
Anyway, she is set to go at the end of July and has just finalised all the requirements re visa, place to live etc. and is somewhat excited and excitable. She has turned the office into an 8 week leaving party!
Then, as I was delivering a morning briefing ( this consists of me leaning on a filing cabinet dishing out orders whilst everyone else stands around looking bored and disinterested), in front of them all, including a number of the neanderthals from the yard she threw her arms around my neck and thanked me prior to slapping a big wet kiss on my lips. This is not good protocol, nor does it do anything for my street cred.
Was sweet though, I liked it! Bless.
It’s the little things that make life great isn’t it?
Now there’s another sign on my door “ Bollockings given freely, Kisses have to be taken”
At least I’ll be shot of her for a year. God, I pity the poor man that she forces into marriage.
Just conducted and completed an interview in less than 3 minutes.
This is how it went:
Prospective employee walks in, dirty hands, torn jeans and shuffling at 3 yards per hour.
I was impressed.
Forgave the jeans and shuffling, could not get past the dirty hands.
Intros done I explain position and ask for questions.
How many days holiday do I get? He ventured.
None says I, we work every day.
What even public holidays?
Yes, says I, especially Christmas day, we get all the business because nobody else works.
Is it double time?
Oh, no I say, as it’s not a normal working day for everyone else we don’t pay anything.
I don’t think it’s my kind of job he says.
Oh, I am sorry, I smiled as I show him the door.
Life can be fun can’t it!!
Got a dilemma with an employee that maybe you will advise on:
Attitude changed and I became suspicious regarding work ethic etc so, sneakily, I secreted a tracking unit in his vehicle which I monitor to see where he is etc and whether it marries up with the work he is supposed to do.
Well, we reap what we sow.
I am indeed correct regarding his not working to contract but, the problem is he is married and spending an inordinate amount of time parked outside the home of one of my female employees ( whose manner and attitude has also changes over the last few months).
It is a ticklish problem as I obviously have enough evidence to dismiss them both, but that leaves a moral dilemma.
If he loses his job he will have to explain that to his wife and I would be compelled by law to state the reason for dismissal. I have no wish to break up his marriage.
Talking or reasoning with either of them is not an option, unfortunately, so I am stumped.
I’ll find an answer before the weekend, I have to, but, a little guidance before would not go amiss, so please comment.
What makes the situation acute is that we have increased our business by 27% in the last year with no additional staffing, adding productivity bonuses throughout so the current workforce benefits and achieves a much higher standard of living than is usual in the industry. This naturally means that they work much harder too and we have no-one that complains or has issues with the concept. Except these two, who are benefiting as much as the rest and basically screwing their colleagues by being dishonest.
I have always considered the team as a kind of extended family and attrition rate in my company is zero for the last 3 years. Unheard of in this industry and I am upset because I feel like I have failed everyone by allowing the situation to develop to this extent.
Back to the blog proper…….
Somebody, and it has to be one of you readers is winding me up BIG STYLE, I think.
It is life that I have stumbled across and befriended a young very pregnant girl and the complications of that relationship continue as detailed in previous blogs.
Now, what is the chance of that happening twice? Not very high, in fact, a trillion to one or less I estimate.
Well, shortly after I started verbalising on this blog re the young lady I received an email from another young lady and we have been swapping emails and the like for a short time now. Seems a nice person and has a keen sense of the ridiculous.
Last night we were chatting on MSN and she casually brought up the subject of A. Reluctance immediately set in at my end but, she continued unabated and elicited from me some opinion and views.
After a short while and some apparent hesitation she informs me that she too is ‘with child’, so to speak and is also due to welcome a new being within the next couple of months.
She also suggested we meet for a coffee… yea, right, where’s my jacket.
Now I am a sensitive man (!!?) and can spot a scam and windup from a long way off so whoever is doing this to me, please stop, my sanity is at severe risk here. If she is indeed genuine (she cant be can she?) then I do not want to meet, I have no inclination to live with, marry or otherwise become involved with a young girl and small baby.
Said this and more on MSN and I have to admit that whoever is perpetrating this scenario (I have 4 suspects to date, all of whom are sick enough for this) has done so brilliantly and has appealed to my humour like you wouldn’t believe.
However, stop now, its done, I’m caught, you got me, mission accomplished, job done, success is yours, I surrender, I admit defeat, I’ll sign anything to end this.
Bloody good scam!
By the way, been here since 3.30am today.
I’ve started writing the blog in snatches as things happen during the day and I never check spelling or content when done, I just post.
That lead me to a thought, blogs expose the real you and I wonder if anyone who knows me would recognise me from the writing. I suspect many would.
So perhaps blogging is like illicit sex, there is a thrill in the possibility of being caught out?
Interesting one that I will expand my thinking.
Speaking of female staff ( were we?), once again I have been seduced by female logic and relentless pressure.
Our offices are on the first floor and many occasions during the day the girls have to walk all the way downstairs (??) for various things.
It was suggested that perhaps it would be a good idea if, during summer months, we placed a couple of desks outside the building complete with ‘puters and phones to stop them wearing out the heels on their shoes.
This would have the additional benefit of allowing a degree of sunbathing and alleviate the necessity to take long lunch hours on the beach ( 5 mins walk from office).
Now, the logistics of moving furniture around daily, purchasing a retractable gazebo or similar, ensuring wiring was in place etc. etc. made this a totally unworkable scenario. In addition the outside area is not quite level and it would be a nightmare to set up properly.
Not to mention the British weather.
Or so I thought.
I am informed that the working party, that I cannot remember setting up (?!), which consists of the people proposing the idea (glad to see it’s objective then), has found a solution.
A retractable blind will be installed (will it?) and computer stations with wheels will be bought (will they?) to make things easier. The other major problems have been solved too. Laptops will be purchased (will they?) and cabling for the network and phones extended to a junction box outside the door.
Well, that’s that then!
Bet you can guess which gender has built this ingenious plan.
They have already provisionally sold 3 of my ‘puters, got quotes for the awning and obtained pricing for suitable laptops. Naturally ( yea, I look that dumb?) a benefit for me is that laptops will allow them to take work home with them!!
What is really sick is that I’m starting to go along with this ridiculous and crazy idea, it makes no sense at all. So why is the man coming today with nice pictures of desks with wheels on?
What is wrong with me???
What, you’ve had enough?
Ok back later.
5/23/2006 9:37 pm
It is never enough!|
5/23/2006 10:00 pm
continue as long as you want. by the way, your question way up there. i might have a timid response for you, or just a suggestion. don't know which so take what you want and throw the rest away. who is the boss in this situation. you are not to blame for that man cheating on his wife. it was his choice in life and now he is making you make one in yours. just my 2c.|